Radiate Happiness

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The other day, we were discussing the ranking/s of some popular blog sites. And my boss jokingly asked, “So, where’s therealgoodgirl?” And Tina said that my blog is all about goodness and good things only. Thank you, Tina, for taking note of that. It is. It certainly is. 

Then I remembered I have not blogged at all for almost a month now.

What do you write when you have nothing to write about?

I’ve always said that there is a lot to write about. There is so much to write about. It is ironic though that you could get a lot of inspiration when you are sad, in a bad mood, or feeling crazy. Somebody once said that it’s difficult to forget pain, and it’s even more difficult to remember sweetness. “We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

So what do you do when you are happy? Sometimes you end up just enjoying that feeling, that good mood, those positive vibes, those pleasant emotions that you forget to write about it. Or sometimes you are embarrassed to share or show it.

But when I am not blogging, I write on my journal. There, I could shamelessly express my feelings, without having to share everything to the whole world. They say that journal writing, especially when you write about positive stuff, brings out the best in you – emotionally, physically, mentally. My “happy writing” is all about joy, gratitude, peace, hope, pride, amusement, inspiration, awe, and most of all, love. It could just be a line or two. Or paragraphs. It could be a note or a letter. Or poetry. I wish I knew how to compose a song. But Taylor Swift, I am not.

American author Tom Bodett said that a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.

Humans are designed to be happy. It’s easier to express happiness though when you speak or simply narrate your thoughts. It’s harder to put it into writing and bring it to life, in a way that you radiate happiness to other people. Sometimes the written words are not enough. But always remember, in any way you can, spread happiness, radiate positive vibes, and leave a sparkle wherever you go.

~TheGoodGirl

Laughing Out Loud

Jessica Soho:  “Idescribe nyo nga ho ang feeling...humahagalpak ang mga tao dahil sa jokes nyo.”

Dolphy: “Ah ibang klase ang feeling.”

-Kapuso Mo, Jessica Soho, November 2010

Last Saturday night, as Sir Gerry and I were on our way back to the hotel after attending WFMA’s White Party at the beach front, a woman (one of the convention delegates) stopped us.

“Ang galing nyo, teka, ipapakilala ko (sa inyo) mga anak ko. Idol nila kayo.”

We thanked her and her daughters and as we continued walking, I shared with Sir Gerry how I am thankful for this particular God’s gift – making people laugh. And how I consider it a blessing – hearing them laugh.  Ang sarap ng feeling, and there’s no way to describe it. And for young people to look up to us and admire us, it’s simply incredible. It gives you a different kind of high, it is even addictive. And when people come up to you and tell you they love what you do, feeling celebrity ka.  

Not a few have asked me where I got it - my sense of humor and timing. It’s in the genes. My late father was a comedian. Friends couldn’t get enough of him. When he wasn’t around, people would ask for him. As soon as he would arrive, they would flock to him and laughter would be in the air. My siblings are all good hosts, singers, performers, and yes, comedians. Humor is in our blood. I grew up in laughter. There were times that were so difficult for the family but we would just take turns making each other laugh. Until now, when we reminisce about the good old days, tawa lang kami ng tawang magkakapatid.  My mom, pa-simpleng bumanat. When all of us are together, hindi pwedeng walang babanat. At hindi pwedeng wala kang baon. Pag may binato sa iyo, dapat mabilis ka pumick-up. Dapat, lagi kang may punch line. Otherwise, olats ka.

Hosting has always been a favorite task of mine. I have been doing it for Insular Life for almost 20 years. Yes, even on my first year on the job, I was already tapped to host company events. I also accept other hosting stints. Sometimes, I get tokens / honoraria. But most of the times, it’s just a labor of love. A simple thank you would be enough. When you love what you do, it doesn’t seem like working. Modesty aside, I can do it even with my eyes closed. Just give me the program flow, I can handle it, with or without a script. Never mind if people don’t believe that I’m really an introvert in real life. True, I am a shy person. And I do have my quiet and down times. But I shine when I am on stage. I still do get jitters every time. And I always say a prayer before I start. Sabi nila, pag hindi ka na kinakabahan, dun ka na kabahan.

But hosting is one thing. Eliciting laughter from your audience is another. They do not usually go hand in hand. It’s a bonus if you can do both. Most actors say it’s easier to make people cry, than to make them laugh.

According to psychologists, “We don’t laugh when we only hear something funny but in addition we laugh because we experience some kind of happiness that results from the other psychological factors involved in the joke.” I once read that laughter is both fundamentally social, and rooted deep within our brains, part and parcel of ancient brain structures. We laugh because we feel like it, because our brains make us, and because we want to fit in socially. It is difficult to laugh on demand, the same way that it is hard to suppress it.

Laughing is, and will always be, the best therapy. And as Charles Dickens said, “There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.” And “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” That, folks, came from e.e.cummings.

Live. Love. Laugh. In any order you prefer. But don't - never - forget to laugh.

(My warmest thanks to my WFMA Family, and to Insular Life's Business Development Unit, for allowing me to share this gift.)

~TheGoodGirl

Rainy Days and Mondays

 “(It) can’t rain all the time.”

-         - Eric Draven, The Crow (1994)

From @macmacshutterbug

What is it about the rain that makes you feel lazy...that makes you just want to curl up in bed and stay in your room forever. What is it about the rain that makes you feel blue, sad and gloomy?

I used to hate the rain. Rains have this effect on me. When it pours, I can't help but look out of the window and reflect on life and the stuff it's made of. It makes me sad. I remember when we were still kids, we would draw up images of the sun on the ground using chalk to make the rain go away. But we would all enjoy taking a rain bath.

As a grown-up, how I hated walking in the rain, with mud splattering on my legs or my jeans. And there are people who don’t know how to carry umbrellas, mabunggo ka kung mabubunggo. Ang hirap sumakay, ang daming commuters, traffic, siksikan. Ayoko ng masikip, ayoko ng maputik.

Yet there are happy rain memories. Like wading along flooded streets and holding hands with someone during my college days in UST. Name the street, baha for sure - España, P. Noval, Gov. Forbes (now Lacson), Dapitan. Wala kang ligtas. Sometimes we would stay late in school, at the AB Student Council office, or any vacant room, or just the hallways, waiting for the pouring to stop. Going home, a ride would be hard to find but we would keep on laughing just the same, making fun of our situation. And even now, I can still remember the days Alex (then my boyfriend) would pick me up in my office in Mandaluyong, we would share an umbrella with his arms around me, walking towards Crossing, wet but happy because we were together.

Rains also remind me of people I love, people I miss the most, people I would want to be with at that precise moment. How I wish I can protect them all from the torrent. That we would be safe and warm together, having something hot to drink or eat, reading a book, listening to music or watching a movie, sitting side by side, having a conversation or just enjoying the silence. Or if you're on the road, inside the car, with the wipers moving back and forth frantically, who cares as long as you are together. Never mind the violent flow outside. Just listen to its rhythm as you drive home safely, with music on, talking in low voices, or perhaps laughing together.

The rain makes me want to write. It seems ironic, but somehow it brings a warm nostalgic feeling, that it inspires you to share something of yourself with people.

So maybe…there’s another way to look at it...There’s something about the rain that reminds you to focus on the brighter side of life, count your blessings, and wait for the rainbow.

Does the rain make you feel the same?

~TheGoodGirl

September Seventeen

It’s my favorite date of the year – maybe next to Christmas. It’s my day. And there are three things the kid in me used to look forward to (the most) each time – my grandparents’ and aunt’s birthday cards from the mail (with a dollar slipped inside), my father’s text (in all caps – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANAK! LOVE, PAPA AND MAMA), and my mom’s phone call.

Mama would call me up as soon as I get home from church. She knows I go to the 6am mass, and that I’m home on a birthday leave. And just hearing her voice comforts me and reminds me of how thankful I am for being their daughter, and for having my siblings whom I love so much.

Usually I’m alone at this time of the day, without my three CAEs...enjoying my "ME" time, having breakfast, replying to Facebook, Twitter, Viber and SMS greetings. I would count my blessings, grateful for each and every item on my list, and yes, write my birthday blog – the one you’re reading now.

There are many things to be thankful for. But I have always written about them every year, enumerating them one by one. This time though, I want to list them down in silence, for they are best left in the place where it matters most - my heart.

Even if a lot of good things have happened to me, I have always believed that better things are yet to come. "Hope is a good thing. And maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."

I am 44. Thank You Lord. My prayers may often go unanswered but You gave me more than enough, and You gave me so much more. More than I have ever hoped for. More than I deserve.

~TheGoodGirl 

The Nose Knows

"There is no accounting for love or why one look, one casual touch...one breath of perfumed air can ignite feelings so strong it's almost painful..."

-Alex & Emma, 2003

If there's one human sense that I loved the most, it would be the sense of smell (olfaction). If only for the way it sparks memories. Am I making sense?

I am sure that most of you have experienced catching a chance whiff of something and that transported you back to a particular time and place in your life. How does the brain anatomy allow certain smells to do that? What is the science behind this? Why do certain odors trigger or evoke emotional memories? And have the power to even unlock forgotten memories and associations?

I have this book (Private Pleasures by my all-time favorite Lawrence Sanders) which dealt with hormones and chemical reactions. It said that certain fragrances give a feeling of romance, intimacy and warm understanding. That there's one which would make you recall your first kiss, your wedding day, the birth of your first child; one that can bring back memories of happy days and enchanted nights, among others.

I read that anatomically, as explained by a neuroscientist who is an expert on olfactory memory, “The olfactory system has unique connections with two key regions in the brain's temporal lobe: the hippocampus, which is critical for laying down new long-term memories, and the amygdala, critical for processing emotions. Unlike all the other senses (i.e., vision, touch and hearing), which require many connections — synapses — to reach the hippocampus and amygdala, olfactory information has immediate access to those systems. It therefore has the ability to lay down long-lasting memories linked to particular times and places (a specialty of the hippocampus) and to include deep emotional resonance associated with those memories (processed by the amygdala).”

I remember Alex's ‘Eternity’ torturing me to death when I was on my first trimester with Cae and I would always throw up, the same with Safeguard green variant. I don’t know if it still exists today. Blech! There's also ‘Anais Anais’, which reminds me of my good friend Nessa in Australia, and from which my daughter got her name. ‘Miracle’ would always remind me of my husband, the way ‘Chic Petals' never fails to remind me of rainy afternoons, while waiting for a friend. My ‘Crazy Girl’ cologne once prompted Caehl to ask, “Mommy, what did you put on? It reminds me of cake.” My Hugo collection would also remind me of ex-loves, while Benetton Colours would always bring back memories of my first job.

I love the smell of freshly washed linen, freshly cut grass, and newly shampooed hair. I love the smell of shampoo on my hair each time I wake up in the morning. I love the scent of books, both old and new. I love spices. I love the scent of Vicks. And lavender. Peppermint. And new cars. I love tearing open a fresh bar of soap, and soaps remind me of my late Papa whose cheeks would always smell so nice. My son's kili-kili. I love the smell of lemon, of lime. Green apples. Cucumbers. Vanilla. And do you remember those packages or tissue-lined imported items sent to you by relatives from abroad? Do you agree with me that the stuff they send you has a distinctive smell (amoy-imported)?

There's also a scent that used to remind me of my late aunt, and days after she passed away, I would always pass by her bedroom to keep her alive. And then there are smells that remind me of college days, those rainy years in UST. There are scents that remind me of sunsets. And warm nights. And damp afternoons with a loved one. Of mauves and purples. Of yellows and oranges. Do rains smell? And do colors have scents? Hahaha I don't know.

I recall my niece Meg, when she was younger, and how she wouldn't let go of the shirt her mom wore the night before, because she’d find her comfort in there while my sister is out on an errand. The way old cupboards would bring you wonderful memories of your childhood, and happy moments with your grandparents. The way grade school students, as soon as they come out of their classrooms, would smell of rubber erasers and you would suddenly remember your good old school days.

Sometimes these memories are just lodged in your mind, entangled with all the other memories. Some of them are untouched, unspoken, and forgotten - whether intentional or unintentional. But it would take only one whiff, and they come rushing back and you start remembering. Again.

~TheGoodGirl 

Half of My Heart

But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?

- Lost Stars

For someone who has been married for 22 years, I have been asked too often how one is able to stay long in a marriage. Especially if one got hitched at an early age like me. So many factors contribute to marital breakdown – immaturity, infidelity, money, communication, addictions, sex, fatigue, to name a few. And in this age of internet and information technology, almost nothing is impossible, or better yet, almost everything is possible.

I am not ashamed to say that the primary reason we got married young was because I got pregnant. At that time, I was just a year and a half out of college and I had to give up a job because of my difficult pregnancy until my 5^th month. Yet at that time, I was sure that he was going to be the person I would marry. Perhaps that knowledge and that certainty stemmed from the fact that I had previous relationships which never reached that level. I believe it when people say that you will know if and when that person is The One. And I also believe that if and when that person is indeed The One, hindi mo na patatagalin pa.

However, I would be a hypocrite if I say that I don’t have what-ifs. What if I didn’t get pregnant? What if we waited a little bit? What if I took up Law instead? What if we met somebody else? What if hindi kami ang nagkatuluyan? Too late, I suppose, and it wouldn’t be fair to us both to be thinking of those things. But I guess, Alex too would have his own what-ifs. Like any other marriage, ours is not a fairy tale. Inasmuch as we’ve had great times, we’ve had our share of horrors and mishaps. Of faults and failures. Of trying times and setbacks. Inasmuch as there were great years, there were lost years that can never be brought back again. And how can we regain something that wasn’t even ours in the first place? They're just shoved in my favorite place – in the dark recesses of my mind, where they cannot haunt or hurt me any longer.

At the end of the day, there are no clear-cut rules, and there are different strokes for different folks. I am thankful when people accept and acknowledge my bits and pieces of advice when it comes to love and relationships. I am no guru but I think I am a bit of an expert in my own right. When you are able to go through the most difficult times and you still end up together, choosing each other after all has been said and done, I guess, you are credible.

1.  For the fun part, my Tip#1 goes like this: Mag-asawa ng pogi. Kahit anong mangyari, at least pogi. Asar ka na nga, panget pa? LOL Even if you fight, refuse to talk to each other, bigyan ka ng kunsumisyon, at least pogi pa rin hahaha
2. Tip#2: If you are a doer type of a person, it’s ok to marry a dreamer. But if you are a dreamer yourself, marry a doer, not a fellow dreamer. It’s ok to dream but someone between the two of you has to take action. You got to make things happen. It cannot be dreaming all the time.
3.  Tip#3: Believe in the goodness of everything. That despite everything, every single moment that happens or happened to you will always teach you about goodness.
4.  Tip#4: Don’t ever give up. Most couples nowadays just give up. Don’t. The heart is stronger than you think. Sometimes you feel your heart cannot take it any longer, but how it continues to endure pain after pain is something that amazes me up to this very minute. #PUSO
5.  Tip#5: If all else fails, refer to Tip#1. At least, pogi.

I could go on and on. But maybe, I can continue this in another blog. For my part, I am not a perfect wife and I guess no one is. But God knows I tried so hard and I worked so hard. Sure, I have my lapses, but I would like to believe that I’ve done more than my fair share in this partnership.

Above all, and most importantly, this marriage gave me two bright and beautiful children, who are the source of my pride and joy. And I don’t mean just bright and beautiful – as in really really bright and beautiful. Everything that happens, they say, has a reason. And if the reason for my early marriage is having these children, and being a mother to them, then I have no regrets at all.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

~TheGoodGirl

Love in Action

Love is action. It isn’t talk, and it never has been. – Pat Conroy

Last week, my son Caehl was sick. It was one thing that he was sick, and another that I was away on a business trip in Cebu. I was monitoring him while attending the training, texting my kumare who’s his pedia, and giving instructions to the people back home. I kept on reminding Alex to do these things, but I just wanted to be sure they are done in my absence.

When I got back, Caehl was still not feeling well, but he managed to take his quarterly exams just the same. I was worried that he wasn’t able to answer the tests correctly, or that he was in a hurry to finish them, just so he could go home. Nanay Ev said that his class adviser was praising him for completing the exams despite his condition. Yesterday, I arrived home to see his test folder on my desk. I didn’t want to look, but why did I ever doubt my son? He got two perfect scores, and the rest, 1-2 mistakes. That was fine – no, that was great. My son did all right. But he still wanted to know what causes bacterial infection. That’s Caehl – he has to know the rationale, the root cause of anything and he’ll be ok.

Looking back, whenever my children get sick, I realized I am not really the nursing kind of mom. My daughter Caitlin even accused me once of not caring, or not showing that I care. It’s just that I am the type of mom who acts on the problem right away; it’s what you call “hindi ma-nene.” I would contact their doctors immediately and get things done – have them checked up, buy meds, ask them what they want to eat, tell them to rest and sleep. Maybe I lack the qualities of a caregiver, that’s why I didn’t go into health care, I am not cut out to be a nurse. While I do worry a lot, it’s how things work for me. And that’s who I am, and that’s my way of showing I care. Even in the workplace, while a meeting is going on regarding a project, nasa implementation mode na ko agad. I think it was my former boss Ma’am Myrna, who used to describe my working style as “aksyon agad.”

Maybe it’s because when I myself get sick, I don’t expect people to fuss over me. I’m ok, I can take care of myself. I know what to do. My body is my accountability. Or better yet, I don’t really show that I don’t feel well. Moms don’t get that much privilege. Even if we are sick, we still tackle our tasks like we’re not. Sometimes, I don’t know if I should be flattered that they think I’m a superwoman - invincible and powerful. I remember the time when I wasn’t speaking during dinner because I was having dysmenorrhea, and Caitilin and I had a fight. “Anak, hindi ba pwedeng tumahimik lang muna?” Short of saying, Can’t I be left alone for once? Don’t I have the right to be not ok? Can’t I be sick? That’s why I appreciate it greatly when in fairness, they give me space when I have migraine attacks or PMS, or when I simply want to sleep. I overheard Nanay Ev and Caehl one time. “Caehl, don’t disturb your mom. She might have a headache.” And Caehl replied, “No, she’s fine, she’s just sleeping.”

At the end of the day, we all have our own way of showing how we care for others. You may be the hug and physical touch type; some may do it by words of affirmation; others through quality time spent; while some, by acts of service – like me. Or it can be a combination of any of these things.

When I do things for you, even without your telling me, that’s my way of showing I love you. I am on my best mode when I am doing something for someone, and I love it when I do something for people without being asked or told. You don’t have to tell me, I just get things done – especially when I have to do things that I don’t like doing, but I still do it just the same - all out of love. And I will do it over and over again.

~TheGoodGirl