Sailing

(With thanks to Christopher Cross)

...Takes me away
To where I've always heard it could be
Just a dream and the wind to carry me
And soon I will be free…
And when the wind is right you can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

Finding and returning to the Good Girl’s real self four years ago, I felt like I was just sailing along. With what or with whom, to where or how, I wasn’t sure, I just sailed on.

All I knew was I became better and stronger. There were realizations and realities that could have destroyed a weaker being, but not me. As I’ve written once, it’s sad that some of the ideals I used to believe in, stand for and hold dear do not hold true anymore, and I have accepted (and am still trying to accept) that. There are actions that I cannot undo, events that I won’t be able to foresee, and people that we certainly can do without. I can only accept things that I can no longer change, try to control what's left (and what can be controlled), and go on with life as happily as we could.

I did get hurt. I hated the world. I contemplated ending a lot of things. But to stay that way is for the birds. I am Pam, and for me, that’s simply unacceptable. I have so much to be grateful for. I have my family, my job, and all my security blankets. Cliché, but at the end of the day, what really matters most is you are loved and you are supported. And that’s how I feel up to this very minute.

My husband may not be the best but we have chosen each other and vowed to stay together forever. I love him and I hope he knows that.

My daughter and I may sometimes do not get along, but I love her and am proud of her and I hope she knows that.

My son is becoming to be my replica and whether he likes it or not, I hope he really takes after me and soaks up all my good traits.

My parents have not stopped being there for me. And my siblings are still the best in this side of the planet.

Bonus: my cousins and aunts whom I get in touch with regularly, my friends inside and outside the office and my job that I love so dearly and that loves me back dearly. I have been given a wonderful opportunity in the workplace which I was waiting for but did not expect that it would come soon.

Last but not the least; I give thanks to Him from whom all good things come.

Pain will still be around. I will still get mad. And maybe some things would just have to end - or linger. But I am Pam and I will continue to sail on.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!