Girl Interrupted

As my favorite saying goes, “Cream will always rise to the top.”

Thanks, Macky, for this shot :)

The news of a high school salutatorian who was stopped by teachers and administrators from delivering her speech brought back a lot of memories.

Not that I was interrupted too, or that I had grievances to air.

I recall that our school directress asked our salutatorian (Godfrey) and me to submit a copy of our speech, and a day or two after, we had a dry run. At that time, I thought it was just a formality, and that she was just making sure that the program would go without a hitch. Later on, I realized that we were asked to practice our speech before her to ensure that what we submitted was the one we memorized and the one we were going to deliver.

My Insular Life Gold Eagle Award

Anyways, I remember my own experience 27 years ago. Like a bride, I was the last to walk down the aisle with my parents. My speech was a light one. I just cited the many people and things I (thought I) would be going to miss after high school life. It was all about high school memories, learning, friendship, love,  laughter and even cafeteria food. And if ever there was something I didn’t like about the school or its administration, it never entered my mind to inject it in my valedictory address. For one, it wasn't the appropriate time. It was my moment. I was after all the valedictorian. So why should I be bitter? Who was I to complain? Why should I mention or highlight not-so-good or not-so-happy things in my speech? It was my turn to show gratitude – to my school, to my parents, to my teachers, to my classmates, to my friends. Everyone was in a nostalgic and euphoric mood. Parents were teary-eyed, my batch mates looked (well, it seemed to me) jubilant. It wasn’t a time to evoke unpleasant memories or thoughts or feelings. It wasn’t a time to stir up issues.

Perhaps it’s just me. Well, yeah, this is just me. You might say, porke masaya ka.  Porke ikaw ang valedictorian. Kaya mo nasasabi yan. I know. And I understand the sentiment. Some people might have resented me being there. Some people might have the feeling that I didn’t deserve being there. Paano naman yung hindi sold sa akin, paano naman yung hindi masaya, paano naman yung hindi bilib sa resulta? That I wouldn’t know now. Come on, it was 1988.

True, I admired the young girl’s courage. Mabuhay ka, Krisel. Not everyone would have the guts to do that, and to go on and on even if the school officials have asked her to stop many times. And she has chosen UST for college. Another ganda point for her from me. But on second thought, what if she was our salutatorian, and I was the valedictorian? Even though she was attacking the school, not me, she insinuated in her speech that there was injustice, that she was cheated out of being named valedictorian. Thus, am I being discredited? Does it mean I’m not credible to get the top honors? That I don’t deserve it, because there was cheating or favoritism involved? If she were a victim, then I am also a victim. Kawawa naman ako. I wouldn’t want to be in her place.

I also recall having a conversation with my daughter when she was about to graduate from high school in 2010. While I was fixing Cae’s hair that morning, she was admiring their valedictorian who seemed to get all the awards. I told her, “Ako rin naman nun.”  And I was thinking, did my batch mates admire me, too? What did they really feel about me then? Well, in fairness to us, what are you valedictorian for, anyway, if others would get more or as much awards, right? Para que pa na valedictorian ka, or first honor ka, kung may ibang mas maraming awards pa sa iyo. Logical lang naman yun di ba?

Yet it’s true, again, that honors, awards, medals, recognitions are merely icing on the cake. Palabok. Rewards. I agree that these do not define you as a person or as a student. Because the real battle is outside the gates of the school, the real life. When you graduate with top honors, it does not guarantee you a job (but admit it or not, come hiring or recruitment stage, this will come in handy), a good life, and most of all, a good heart. They make you feel good, yes. Sino ba ang ayaw ng honors? Ang saya kaya, and it gives you a certain kind of high. You’re not just one of the guys. You’re proud of yourself, you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You have something to give back to your parents, or to your family (or whoever is supporting you). Doon man lang, may consolation sila. Ang hirap kaya magpaaral.

In real life, most people would look past your scholastic achievements, and would rather focus on how you tackle your job, how you deal with others, how you bring up your children, how you are as a person, and so on. Maybe it’s important, too. Maybe it’s not. Depends on how you look at it. Maybe it’s for you. Maybe it’s more for your parents. Or maybe for your children, or future children. The important thing is not to stop learning. You don’t stop learning after high school or after college. Life is a never-ending learning process. And you don’t stop being good, or doing good. Even if you are interrupted at times.

~TheGoodGirl

This is a happy blog

Floating like a feather, pull me down I'm stuck in the clouds

-This Is A Happy Song, Hale (2008)

Do I miss being sad? Of course not. I haven’t been writing about sadness for quite a while. Do I miss it? No, I don’t. Although I admit I write more when I feel sad. I write easily owing to sadness because may pinaghuhugutan, or words pour out easily. And there are more subjects to write about. But I haven’t been sad lately.

I’m not saying I have everything. I don’t. And I won’t claim that my life is perfect. But I am happy with what I have, and I’m happy at this point in my life. They say that with less expectations, (you end up with) less disappointments. I mentioned in one of my blogs that I have been praying for something, asking Him for something I want so badly. But He just won’t give in. Or maybe I already have the answer. He gave me other things, more than I think I deserved. Maybe that’s His answer – Pam, I’ll give you something else.

I love my 7am-4pm daily routine. I love my work. In fact, this is the time of the year when I get to tackle my most favorite event – our annual awards night. I remember texting my boss to thank her for keeping me in the Program Committee. And she texted back, saying she’s glad. I love the work-life balance that my job offers. I get to spend time with my kids (although Cae’s shift is forever changing). I can window-shop (or actually shop) while doing errands and have lots of ‘me’ time. My bedroom is my sanctuary and there, I can write on my journal, watch PBA and Grimm and Vikings and old movies, and surf the net. Caehl and I have our mom-and-son moments. We would discuss anything, or should I say, he “lectures” about anything – like what makes humans different, chemical elements, light years, constellation, life beyond Earth, solutions to light pollution, ironic photos. Caehl and I have the same brand of humor. We laugh together a lot, and we hug each other a lot. Sometimes, I wait for my husband to pick me up, and we would watch a movie or have dinner before going home. When he’s home early, I take comfort in listening to him on the keyboard, playing classical pieces. Although I seldom hang out with Cae since she started working, I look forward to spending time with her - eating out, shopping. And then there are my siblings, even if it means just exchanging Viber group messages. My sister-in-law. My niece. My nephews. My friends. My cooking. My writings. My bags. My Havs. These are my happy times. They are my happy place. And even if I tend to write less of them, it doesn’t mean they’re less important. Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

I wished I had left the computer running. Jill was right. There really was so much to write about.

-        from Writer’s Block, Pamela Acuña-Capiz, short fiction published in Celebrity World magazine

~

     ~TheGoodGirl 

The Long and Short of it

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

“Da, kung hindi kaya tayo nag-asawa agad, matagal kaya bago tayo nagpakasal?”

I playfully posed this question to my husband this morning on our way to the office. And he just replied with a laugh.

Our morning discussion was a result of my having mentioned some couples I know who have been together for more than 5 years, but have not gotten married. Some of them are not even engaged yet. And we know of the saying that if you have been going out for a long time, it’s either you end up in the altar, or you end up ending it. 

So how long should one wait? So what’s taking them long? Alex asked.

I don’t know, I said. Ganun ba talaga yun? How long does it take really for a guy to pop the question? Then I said, pero kasi, iba na ngayon. It’s not easy as it is to get married, even the proposal thing nowadays is an event in itself. Sobrang pinagiisipan pa kung paano. Yung mga weddings ngayon, hanep ang themes. Dati, motif lang ang issue. Now, you have to think of a gazillion of things. And the expectations from people, considering the time you’ve been together, they would think you have already saved up a lot. Dapat bongga. Dapat hindi basta-basta. Age has ceased to be a factor. Before, 30 is considered old or late to get married. Now, people get married beyond 30, say 34, 35. And there are some who wait a while before having children.

We got married (civil rites) when we were both 22. I won’t hide the fact that I was already pregnant with Cae then. So maybe, it wasn’t yet the right time for us. We were only going out for one and a half years. So maybe we were ahead of our time. I could have gone to law school. We could have waited a bit, or taken more time before taking the plunge. But at that time, there still was pressure. That was in the early 90s. Pag nabuntis, kasal agad ang option. Unlike now that you can forego getting married even if you have kids already.  People no longer judge you, or question these things. We had our church wedding 2 years later, when Cae was a year old. And she was even our flower girl. The wedding invitations were simple, our motif was pink and lilac. My gown was off the rack. My MUA was a gay friend (na noon, beautician pa ang tawag, or parlorista, kaloka). Our reception venue then was just a small restaurant and it’s closed now. My father-in-law paid for it. In short, it was just a simple ceremony. And after all, for the both of us, it was just a formality. This is why we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary/ies, but rather the day when we officially became a couple. I’ve always felt that it was on that day when I was married to him. I knew all along, even if we have known each other for just a short time that he was the man I would marry.

So, going back to my question, matagal kaya bago kami nagpakasal? Maybe not. Maybe, hindi rin. Nagbago kaya isip namin, having met a lot of people after college? Hindi naman siguro. Or maybe there would have been other parties. Ang ganda ko kaya. Maybe there would have been second thoughts. Pero kami pa rin siguro. Pwedeng naligaw ng landas. But we would have found our way back.

Alex wrote me a letter once that I am his first love and the last great love of his life. And he will choose me over and over again. This is way too early for an anniversary blog, but love is something to celebrate about. And the best day to celebrate love is every day.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~TheGoodGirl

So...what did you learn today?

In our recent Leaders’ Summit, during the sharing portion, Sir Dick mentioned that for him, it is when he is having fun that he is learning more. And everyone agreed. Was it Alfred Mercier who said that “What we learn with pleasure, we never forget”?

However, later on during the 2^nd day, when we were jotting down our major takeaways, I realized that it wasn't the same for me. What created an impact on me was not the fun I had, or the fun moments during the activity. It was from the serious topics where (and it was when I was serious that) I learned more, and got more.

Not that I am contradicting Sir Dick. It’s him. His opinion was valid. Maybe if the question was, "What did you enjoy most about or from the Summit?" It would have been different for me. I remember another colleague saying that sure, one of the speakers was hilarious, but how about the content? the substance? the lessons afterwards? Was it just as good? At the end of the day, I couldn't even remember what I was laughing about, and what I learned from that session. And perhaps, in a future talk, I would come across the same words, the same moments, and even the same antics. And as I look back now, evaluating my takeaways, I would rank the heavy stuff higher than the rest with lighter topics. Disclaimer: There are no wrong or right answers here. It's really up to you and your learning style.

I shared this with Alex this morning. I told him that I also remember a trainor-friend. I've watched this person a lot of times during training, and he is always serious. I forgot if I posed a question to him or I just asked myself and answered it myself, but I guess one has to be serious during training, regardless of the course or topic. Because that’s your job. You train people, you teach people, you transfer skills. You’re not out there to entertain the audience. If they are entertained or they like your style, then that’s a bonus. But they’re out there to learn. The risk is when you, as a trainor, crack a joke (like something not true about the topic, binaligtad mo or niloko mo nang konti, either gusto mong magpatawa or gusto mong hulihin if they are indeed listening) and everyone believes you. It’s hard to undo that. Yung tipong A-ha moment for them, ah ganun ba yun, and they were ready to believe you, then hindi naman pala totoo, joke lang po, mahirap yun, right? The downside is, this friend of mine sometimes forgets to drop his training hat outside the training room that even with a crazy bunch, serious siya. He would take everything seriously. When someone tells a joke, he goes, “Ha?” or “Ah ganun?”  Hindeee, we say, joke langggggg.

On another note, I asked Alex, what then does it really take to be a good or great speaker? When you are entertaining or funny, does it automatically follow that you’re a good speaker? Sometimes, Alex said, people would say, “Ang galing niya”, “Ok siya”, but what were they referring to? His delivery? His topic? Same as a literary piece, or a work of art – was it the style? Or the content? Good if you are able to possess both elements, but let’s say, the topic was interesting, it’s the speaker’s forte. But if in the eyes of the audience, the speaker failed in the delivery, then does it mean he is not a good speaker? Would you say, sayang ganda pa naman ng topic, kaya lang hindi sya magaling. But in saying “ganda ng topic,” weren’t you able to learn something from it just the same? Or you don’t remember, because you weren’t hooked to the speaker? Sometimes, you can confuse the two. There are people who really talk well. There are people who look good, some are wonderfully packaged or styled, that just by looking at them, you would want to listen to them. And just because they looked good, pwede na rin. Ok lang. But what if, sa totoo lang, wala namang kalatoy-latoy ang talk. Walang laman. Nakuha lang sa “presentation.” On the other hand, the speaker is the academe type, yung tipong professor mo sa Grad School, no nonsense. The topic may be technical, or it can be a light one. But just because ganun sya, ayaw mo na makinig? Boring na?  And then there are people who bloom on the stage. At first glance, parang hindi mo sya type. But when he starts to speak, oh shucks, kuhang-kuha ka. Kahit technical pa yan. He nailed it.

Just like “So how was the movie?” You go, “Ok lang.” Ok lang na ano? Cute yung story. Or cute yung actors. Never mind if the story is trash, you liked the actors anyway. Then there are movies that you don’t mind who’s in it because you liked the story or you were interested in the storyline.

Bottomline – you just got to pick up something. In one way or another. In any event, or activity, or anything in this world for that matter, the objective is to learn and to apply those lessons in real life. My husband hates the word “learnings”, mali daw yun. Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can. Learning is an experience. Everything else is just information. And that, folks, is from no less than Albert Einstein.

~TheGoodGirl

Third Eye

---The Sixth Sense, 1999


I see dead people

I see them all the time

They are everywhere.

They haunt me

They keep coming back

For what, I do not know.

What they want from me, I do not know.

They are ghosts from the past

Of people rising from their graves

Where I have (or at least I thought I have) buried them a long time ago.

Ghosts whose memories are too painful to bear

And too distressing that I died along with them.

Some of them passed on from natural causes,

While I murdered quite a few.

I killed them so I could move on

And allow myself to live.

Some of them are resting peacefully now

While a few have remained hovering over me,

Disturbing me.

Or perhaps they do not know that they are dead.

I see them now

Even if I try to close that eye

They scare me sometimes

No, a lot of times,

Scared of them hurting me again

Scared of myself

Loving them again.


Rest in peace.

~TheGoodGirl

Of Blessings and Lessons - and Death

Death is an event no one is ever prepared for.

When something dies, like love and relationships, part of me dies along with it. Yet it is something that happens or has to happen or something that I allow to happen for me to continue to be alive, ironic it may seem.

Friendship to me is a big thing. I don’t have a single best friend or BFF. I don’t have someone who plays that specific role. BUT I do have friends, and I love them dearly, regardless of the role they play or are playing in my life.

I believe in the saying that friendship transcends time and distance. There are people whom I have known all my life. And some of them have stayed as friends through the years. From the time we were thin, shy, and oblivious to the world around us to the time we had menstruation and pimples, swooned over Bagets, Menudo, and Tom Cruise and rejected by crushes, up to the time we chose our college courses, found the loves of our lives and raised our own families. We still have each other. And I know that I will always have them. Even though everything has changed over the years, each time we are together, it feels like nothing has changed. Thank you, Regal Babies and my Licean kumpares and kumares.

I also believe that there's a kind of friendship that even though you rarely see each other, like once a year perhaps, it is not an issue. Iba ang may tunay na pinagsamahan. This holds true for my college barkada. There were years when we would get together at least once a month or when one of us celebrates his/her birthday or a milestone. But in the past two or three years, this has been reduced to just every Christmas. Then again, it doesn’t matter. Because I know that despite distance and the fact that we have other friends, we would always have each other. I am proud of them and their achievements in their chosen field. Bigtime ang friends ko, this is one successful group, but walang yabangan, walang paistaran. Da Punks wuz here. And my USTe family.

I don’t agree that you couldn't have good friends in the workplace. They say it’s a jungle out there. But there are gems along the way. And I was fortunate to find people who would always be there for me, and likewise, I will always be there for them when they need me, and even if they don’t. They know when to be a colleague, and when to be a friend. For that, I thank you Insular friends with special mention to Sizzling Bopiz. No matter how many times I fall, you have never judged me and you have accepted me as I am. Kahit minsan, gusto ninyong iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader. We have different personalities, and sometimes we don’t agree on things, and sometimes we rant, but we always listen to each other out of respect and genuine care. Even though we are busy and occupied with work, we are always in touch and text/Viber exchanges are enough. We know how to have fun, and at the same time, we know when to get serious. We know the word “damayan.” When one is down, we lift up each other’s spirits. The workplace is not a hopeless place, and we found love in it. Cheesyyyyyyy.

• Friends should be proud of each other. If you are my friend, I am not ashamed to be seen with you or for people to know that we are friends. I can tag you in Facebook, you can see me in my worst, you can see me crazy, and you will never make me takwil. If you did something great, I am proud of you and I will say it. If you did something not-so-great, I will give you advice if you ask for it, I will never judge you or take that holier-than-thou stance.
• Real ones make time for you, no terms and conditions. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan. I am not like that, except if there’s a real major reason or life-and-death situation that I cannot be there. For me, you don’t give a limit on what you can do or can’t do for a person who’s supposed to be your friend. Kung ibang tao yan, pwede. Eh friend mo nga di ba? You have each other’s back, ika nga. Just like soldiers who protect each other from the enemy. You look out for each other. Hindi pwedeng for good times ka lang nandun. Hindi pwedeng pag gusto mo lang, or if it's convenient for you.
• Real ones care and they know when you need them, even if you don’t tell them, or show it.
• You don’t have to beg for friendship. It should be voluntary, given willingly. You cannot force friendship. If you have to force it, then it’s not friendship.
• Friends may sometimes hurt each other, but not all the time. You can be honest and open, and candid, or brutally frank, and sometimes the truth hurts. But you don’t hurt a friend intentionally. At paulit-ulit.
• Friends make mistakes. But you own up to your mistakes, apologize and you never do it again. You don’t justify your actions, or make excuses.
• Friends are blessings, not a burden. Hindi dapat mabigat dalhin, even if sometimes may problems or heavy stuff. Share-A-Load.
• Friends are not simply textmates or chatmates. There should be a face behind it. If you have to make excuses when a friend asks to see you, ano ka virtual friend? Or online friend lang? It’s 2015, hindi na uso ang penpal at phonepal, no?
• Friends listen to each other. It’s not a one-way thing or a monopoly. Hindi pwedeng ikaw lang ang nagsasalita palagi and you don’t hear out the other person. Na ikaw lang ang palaging tama. Or palaging may katwiran. Friends may not often agree on everything. Friends may fight, or have tampuhans or misunderstandings. Tao lang eh. And you don’t have to be on the same page all the time. May PMS. May mood swings. Bad trip. Busy. May problema. Kahit nga kambal, magkaibang tao at personality. But at the end of the day, you accept those differences, and you understand where they came from. Two-way nga eh. Hindi mo ipipilit na ikaw ang tama. You may have the last say on the issue, or pwedeng sya. But again, bottomline, hindi masama ang loob ninyo sa resulta.
• Friends help you grow. They help you learn. Friends are wonderful experiences in one’s life. If it is hollow or what you have lacks substance, it is not friendship.
• Friends are family. They are brothers and sisters from another mom. If you have to treat them differently, then you should think again. Hindi ka tunay na kaibigan if you treat a friend like ‘others.’ If you have to put on a different face, or a different personality when you are with them or when you talk to them, you are not a friend. Ikaw ay isang artista. Or isang japeyk.

Having said all these, you must have surmised that there was a recent death. Or well, I thought that was a friendship. I guess I was too dumb to believe that such friendship existed. I genuinely cared and I gave my all. But in the end, I felt I was forcing it, or I was forcing myself. The other party’s definition of friendship does not jive with mine. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I gave too much. Maybe ako ang mali. Oo, ako na. When the hurting happens over and over again, it is no longer healthy. When several chances are given and it doesn't work out, it's ok to give up. Sometimes you have had enough. And it’s best to call it quits. True, there’s hinayang on your part. But some things are not meant to be. Some things have to end – like love and relationships.

I wish you well.

~TheGoodGirl

Hello, February

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said...

And never explained.

And suddenly it’s mid-February.

I was alarmed when I visited my blog and realized I haven’t written since December, saying goodbye to 2014. Where did the time go? Anyare???

Let me see…in January, I got to see my high school batch mates (Liceo de San Pedro 1988)  in Hilda’s Luntiang Republika farm in Alfonso, Cavite. It was my first time to see Luz again, who’s been in Australia for a long time. It was as if nothing has changed. Two weeks later, I got reunited with my long-lost high school Statistics teacher, Sir Ven. It was great to see him after, what, more than 20 years. He’s still the same charming, generous, light-hearted teacher of mine. I got through Statistics, finding it easier than Geometry (which I almost flunked). Mean, median, mode. Frequency. Range. Sheez.  Being young, he was able to relate with us teenagers, tolerating our kakulitan, crushes, and childish ways. I remember buying this kind of paper used for this subject, which comes with either green or orange grid. Anyway, I’m glad it’s over now. I am not a numbers person and I will never be one.

Thank you, Sir Ven. I will see you again. I won’t forget the naughty sparkle in your eyes, when you teased me how spoiled I am by my husband. He said my energy matches, or balances my husband’s silent (or serious) demeanor.

In January, too, my daughter Cae started working. Oh my. I am now a mom to a working girl. At the start, she would complain about her (night) shift (her work hours until Feb something are 9pm-6am). She leaves the house around 6pm and gets to the office past 8pm. She gets home past 7am. She said she would die. Nak, don’t complain na, I told her. Ganyan talaga ang nagtratrabaho. Gusto mong magtrabaho eh. If anyone who works just mysteriously dies, I would have died a long time ago. I have tasted working since I was 17. And I am still as healthy as a horse. When she got her first paycheck, she gave me her ATM receipt. So this is how it feels. She still makes us proud, this daughter of mine. She says she has ranked first in the assessments twice in a row. I hope she keeps this up. Her dad says we have to keep on inspiring and coaching her, so she doesn’t get discouraged. Kuya Pogi, you’re in this, too. Thank you for being patient with her.

We were also lucky to have my Kuya spending the holidays with us. It’s been a year since he started working abroad. And for someone like me who’s glued to her siblings, being apart from him is really a big thing. I miss my Kuya a lot. On the day he was going back to the US, I was talking to him over the phone and it was difficult to fight away the tears. Take care always, Kuya. I love you so much.

Next is Caehl who topped the Spelling Bee and Quiz Bee for the Grades 1-3 level. Not that we were surprised. Stock knowledge, mommy, he would tell me. When his dad asked him, “Caehl, what were the words that were difficult to spell?” He said, “Uhmm, none.” He’s not being mayabang, mind you. He does not brag, he is just being himself. He thinks everyone thinks the same way like him. He thinks it’s normal to know about a lot of things. As a reward, he just asked for a lunch at Shakeys, a book and a DQ treat.

San Miguel Beermen finally got a championship. My Spiderman Arwind Santos was the Finals MVP.

Last month, too, I stood as one of the principal sponsors  in the wedding of my inaanak sa binyag, Kevin. He is my first godson. I remember it was after my college graduation in 1992. And it really was an honor and a pleasure to be invited as his ninang again.

In the workplace, it was nice to bond with my Sales and Marketing Group colleagues in Pico de Loro. Even though we were not able to enjoy the facilities owing to our hectic schedule (sayang ang bathing suit na dala ko), it was great to be in a carpool with 3 guys - Sir Rey, Bong and Marc. I was the only girl. We had a blast talking about ex’s. Walang laglagan, Sir Rey. Promise. But I had to share a question posed to me: Bakit nga ba kayong girls, ayaw ninyo kaming payagan kapag alam ninyong andun ang ex namin. Pero kayo, ok lang sa amin na pumunta kayo, kahit andun ang ex ninyo. Bakit nga ba? Hmmmmmm

I also celebrated my 19^th anniversary with the Company. Yes, 19 years. I love Insular Life. Need I say more?

As an update, I tip the scale at 118 lbs as we speak. What a journey it has been really. From 127 lbs to as heavy as 131 lbs in 2013 to early 2014. Then in the 2nd half of the year, I was down to 122...to 120. Aside from taking small meals, I quit drinking 3-in-1 coffee. I have an exercise routine. And there's CarbTrim. You may refer to my previous blog The Weighing Game on my weight loss story.

And now, it’s mid-February. I have been praying for something for the longest time. He Up there has not given in, and He has not given it to me. Maybe not yet. Or maybe not ever. I don’t know. It’s up to Him. He knows my heart’s desires but He also knows what’s good for TheGoodGirl.

At any rate, I hope things will be greater, not only for this month but for the entire year. 

~TheGoodGirl