Finding The One

Neo: What is happening to me?

Morpheus: You are the One, Neo. You see, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I have spent my entire life looking for you. 
The Matrix (1999)
~~~

In an ordinary place, one can find the one person to make his life extraordinary.

I can’t recall which movie this tagline came from, but is it really difficult to find the one for you? And for the lucky ones who have found their partners in life, how was it? Was it easy for you? And how long did it take for you to find the one?

No offense meant to my colleagues, but it’s a running joke (half-meant, half-not) among us girls that in our workplace, it seems there is a dearth of prospects if you’re looking for a boyfriend. Wala kang mahahanap. And if there would be papa-bles or crushables, most of them are already taken. Abi, a dear friend, said she hoped to meet "him" when she went to graduate school kasi nga walang mahanap sa office LOL.

But where do you really go, or what do you really do in search for Mr. (or Ms.) Right. Do you look for him (her), or are you preparing or paving the way to be found? Are you just waiting to be found?

Most people find their partners in school or in the office. Sometimes, you don’t realize that The One is just there all along. Sometimes you  have to get out there to meet a lot of people. There’s really no single rule for everybody.  Maybe you’ve known each other for quite some time but the sparks came a little bit later. Or maybe you felt the chemistry as soon as you met each other. Either way, finding someone you like is one thing. And finding someone to whom you would invest your feelings, time and effort is another. Some people prefer the fast lane, falling in love in a flash; while others would prefer taking their time, wait a bit, taking it slow. Sometimes, you find The One when you are not looking. Finding a person you can be happy with (or who will be happy with you) is a challenge – one who will feel the same way you do, one who will spend time with you, accept you, and understand you. Sometimes your partner comes into your life unexpectedly and for no apparent reason. Sometimes, the stranger beside you would turn out to be the most important person in your life. Or perhaps, he’s always been a friend and you never knew he would be more than that in the end.

As a song goes, there are 8 billion people in this world, but there’s only one you will ever need.

~TheGoodGirl

See related blog A Face in The Crowd

When Life Gives You Lemons

Pain is real.

Have you ever gone to office or school nursing something and you don’t know if you can get through the day? Something has upset you or hurt you, you have a problem, you had a fight with someone, you’re not feeling well, in short, meron kang pinagdadaanan. But you just have to work, or attend your class just the same. No excuses. Isn’t this challenging? You don’t want people to notice. You just want to keep silent but you can’t help but talk to them anyway. Isn’t this the pits? You wish that the hours will fly, so you could go. You just want the day to end.

It’s hard to put up a brave front, to put up a show that you’re ok, when deep inside you are not. You cannot tell your boss that you can’t work or your mind’s not working and you can’t focus. It’s hard to pretend that you’re your usual self. That everything is ok. You can’t even pause for a while and cry or mourn. Or when you just can’t control your emotions, isn’t it awkward when they hear you bawl or sniff?

Sometimes, we are given a bitter pill to swallow. Or sour ones. When life gives you lemons, and things don’t happen the way you hoped or how you planned it to be, how do you survive? What do you do when things are not going right for you? And how do you pick up the pieces?

Give yourself a break. Coach Tim Cone (PBA's most accomplished coach) said, quoting Stephen Covey, in our midyear conference, “After losses, pull back. After wins, push hard.” It’s ok to lose sometimes, don’t be too hard on yourself. And it’s ok to fail. Sometimes, we fail to live up to expectations. But wala naman nagsasabing dapat perfect tayo all the time.

Keep your sense of humor. This has always enabled me to survive and kept me going. Focus on the good and find joy in the moment even if it’s damn difficult, even if it’s a great effort to keep your spirits up during these times. Ito ang pinakamahirap gawin. We all know that somehow, we will heal and we will bounce back. “This, too, shall pass.” And well-meaning friends will tell us the same thing, “Kaya mo yan.” Pero yung “at the moment” or yung “in the meantime”, yung proseso that you have to go through, that’s the hard part.  

In everything you do, put your 100%, give it your best shot - even if there’s no guarantee that you will be happy and successful, that you will win. Even if they say walang forever.  In the end, at least you would say you gave it your all. And you will not say you regret the chances you did not take.  

Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won’t last forever. Remember: tough times don’t last, but tough people do.

~TheGoodGirl

Brow-tiful

Because I promised to update you on my brow-tiful (eyebrow embroidery) experience…

I had my retouch session with Tin Lucas / Eyebrow Embroidery Manila last June 12. Yes, Independence Day at that! Seeing Tin again is like meeting up with an old friend. She inspected my brows, and drew points and lines where she said she will improve on, fix and fill in any areas needing correction or modification. I asked if she can extend or darken a bit the ‘begin brow’ of my left brow and she asked me to draw it so she can see what I meant. And this time I was prepared, I brought my contact lens kit so I can remove my contacts before the procedure, to allow my eyes to rest as they’d be closed most of the time. Waited 45 minutes to allow the numbing ointment to take effect, then the browjob began.

It was still a painless procedure, but you can feel the strokes of the needle as it mimics the direction of my real brow hair. I don’t know if it’s because it was the second time already, but I felt it was shorter, faster this time. She handed me the mirror to ask if she was able to do what I wanted with my begin brow, and yes, it was ok. Wow, this time, I saw blood on my brows (during the first time, I didn’t) but it wasn’t scary, don't be alarmed. My brows were swollen when I was putting on my contacts. “Talaga bang ganyan ka-red?” I asked Tin. I was worried I looked awful because I was going to the mall afterwards. I kept on asking Alex if I looked alright. And he said I looked fine.

This is me after the procedure, and having lunch in SM SouthMall (click on each photo for a closer look):

Again, I was not to wet my eyebrows for at least 24 hours. I was advised to use the A&D ointment until they are healed. Just after a week, they are ok and I was surprised that it took me just about a week for healing. I showed them to my husband, “Parang ang bilis gumaling this time,” I said. “Baka hindi na masyadong nasugatan, unlike the first,” he said, but he asked me to ask Tin if that was normal to be sure. Tin said, healing varies from person to person. “Iba-iba,” she said. I also said I was just worried that I did something wrong, or I wasn’t following instructions right. Maybe it’s because of my regular Vitamin C and E intake. Whatever.

My brows after a day:

After two days:

After six days:

All I need is lipstick and these beautiful brows :)

After a week (just after taking a shower):

After almost 2 weeks:

Two weeks after:

I am really happy with this experience. And for entering the wonderful world of eyebrow embroidery. I didn’t realize that this could change my life. Well, it sounds dramatic, but for someone who does her brows every day, this is just amazing. My only objective and all I ever wanted was to have brows right after waking up, or taking a bath/shower, or washing my face. And it was achieved.

In our President's birthday luncheon, Rico, a good friend and one of the bosses, said he has long wanted to visit me. Why, I asked. "Para makita yang kilay mo."

The clincher was when Bong, a male colleague, after a meeting, told me, "Pam, I can say now that I have finally seen the famous eyebrows. At last I have seen them in person. And it's true, ang ganda nga." That cracked me up. 

After the meeting

I still use my L'Oreal Brow Artist, though, to further enhance them. I even bought a new brow tool from Etude. I guess, old habits die hard. But to use a stencil or to take minutes just to shape them, then erase if I don’t like them, nah! No more of that. No more smudging, smearing or fading after swimming, jogging, sweating, working out.  My brows look natural and subtle, and I just love them. I love the days when I am make-up free and all I need is a lipstick and I’m ready to go.

It’s only semi-permanent so my brows will be with me for two years. And after that, I might need a retouch. I’ll save up for that again. Until then, they make me look great! And I feel great, too.

If you are interested in having permanent make-up, 3D brows, eyebrow embroidery, eyebrow tattoo, feathering, stranding (however you call it), make sure you do your research thoroughly – choosing the tattoo expert, or artist/cosmetic technician, procedures, cost, advantages and disadvantages. Consider most importantly yourself and your readiness – are you afraid of needles? of blood? How’s your pain tolerance? Is your skin sensitive? Don’t be afraid. Don’t be shy to ask around. Every day I see more and more eyebrow artists emerging, check out Facebook so you can compare. Permanent make-up is like a normal thing nowadays, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Bottom line is, you’re doing it for yourself. It’s perfectly alright to look good and feel good. And that’s something that cannot be taken away from you.

For my previous blog entries on my browjob, please visit:

Browmance Part 1 

BrowJob Part 2 

BrowJob Part 3 

You can also get to know Tin Lucas at

Make Up by Kristine http://www.makeupbykristine.com/

Kristine's Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/kristinelucasmakeupartist/

~TheGoodGirl

Friendship Over

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” – Edna Buchanan

What is it about the number seven and relationships? There’s the so-called seven-year itch for marriages. And psychologists say that if a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will last a lifetime.

How true is this? Is there an expiration date for friendships? Is there a shelf life for relationships?

Have you ever had an experience wherein you were the best, the closest of friends. You were inseparable. You were together all the time, exchanging secrets, tears, laughter. Then all of a sudden, it was as if you were strangers. Gone were those days when you would get together as often as you can. Now, you’re just civil to each other, perhaps keeping in touch online, asking about each other’s family. Or maybe not, and perhaps wondering if the other remembers how close you were, how crazy you were together.

Or maybe you had a barkada or group of friends whom to you was the world then. But somehow, you drifted apart. Or circumstances led you to separate worlds. Maybe you still kept in touch, reminiscing the good old days. But you found new friends along the way. And the closeness is not there anymore, and even if there’s a chance to meet up, you are no longer interested. Or you are no longer invited. And they are just, well, a memory. And all that's left are shared memories from the past.

It seems ideal. That true friends stay forever, beyond words, distance and time. Most friendships do stay forever, some friendships evolve and change, while others grow stronger as years pass. Despite experiencing heartbreaks, disappointments and mistakes together. Yung sinasabing magkakadikit ang bituka. Lucky you if you have a BFF. There’s a premise that for strong friendships, friends need not see or talk to each other every day. If the relationship lives in the heart, it will survive even without daily conversations or togetherness. It is not about being inseparable, but about being separated and knowing nothing will change. And even if you have not seen each other for quite some time, when you do get together, it’s as if nothing happened, nothing changed.

But even long-term friendships end. Yes they do and they can. Growing up. Having different interests. Conflicting values, beliefs. Some friendships last only for a season.  Or has run its course. Some relationships are not meant to last. Sometimes it happens without a warning. Or reason.  And you wonder what happened. Or where it went. No one, I guess, wants to end a friendship. Some friendships end quietly and slowly on its own, as some people just walk away or cut off contact. Maybe you would even prefer having an argument or a fight, and know the reason why your relationship failed, than sit and speculate forever.

I rarely write about sad things. And as much as possible, I only want to write about good things. But recent happenings in my life opened my eyes to this realization. Some people whom I thought were friends are like strangers to me now. Maybe I have my faults, maybe I have my shortcomings. Maybe changes, circumstances and the passing years took its toll on us. Maybe ours is the kind of friendship that needs nurturing, unlike other friendships which don't have to be watched like a pot or attended to all the time. But to me, they will always be friends - even if they don't consider me one anymore, as my definition of being a friend is different from theirs. Breaking up with a friend or with friends is like breaking up with a partner. It’s not easy. But friendship demise happens and when it does, you mourn but you recover, and you just accept and embrace the change, welcome new people in your life, get ready for new friendships and relationships. Be grateful for what it was, what the friendship did to you / for you, for having known them, and for being a  part of their lives in one way or another, and thank God for the lessons learned. And yes, be grateful for and appreciate those who stayed.

~TheGoodGirl

Love is lovelier

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”

― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Your second or third time? How about your last?

It does not matter how many times you have fallen in love, or if it’s your first, your second, or your last, because it’s never the same. And in each time, every time you get another chance at it, the premise is it should get better, and it should feel better. It should be sweeter. And lovelier.

The assumption of course, is that falling in love each time should be a richer and more fulfilling experience, as you learn from your past mistakes and you become a better person. The next time or the second time around shouldn’t be the same as you are not the same person anymore. Some of your ways or points of view may have changed because your experience may have changed the way you give and receive love. Yet, even so, it doesn’t guarantee that it will last, or that it will be your last. You can still fail, you can still lose. But it doesn’t stop you and it shouldn’t stop you from loving again, from trying again.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, or in what state you are in – whether you are single, married, separated, widowed, your feelings are valid and will always be valid. Falling in love and being in love is still one of the best feelings and experiences in the world. And it doesn’t matter if it hurts or if it makes you cry, it makes you feel things you have never felt before. And it makes you do things you haven’t done before. It makes you happy, yet it’s the same thing that makes you sad. It causes pain, yet it takes pains away. It makes you stronger, yet it is also your weakness. Falling in love may catch us unprepared, but staying in love and keeping meaningful relationships don’t just happen. It is by choice. We choose to love, to change and to improve ourselves and our relationships, and to be happy.

American psychologist Robert Sternberg (known for his triangular theory of love) once said, “Without expression even the greatest of loves can die.” That being said, open your heart, don’t be afraid to love and to express that love fully, because it’s the only way to love. 

~TheGoodGirl

BrowJob (Part 3)

To those asking for updates, 3 weeks have passed since my eyebrow embroidery from Eyebrow Embroidery Manila / Kristine Lucas. 

My eyebrows are now on their fourth week. They’re all dry now, scabs have all fallen off, and the colors have resurfaced, they’re no longer light. I can put on brow liner and powder if I want to. Down side? None yet. Although I cannot and will not be able to use facial products with lightening ingredients on my eyebrows. Up side? Well, I can really say, I woke up like this! And after taking a shower, wow, they look great. My prep time in the mornings has been reduced. I don’t touch it anymore except with an eyebrow spoolie. The “hairs” look natural to me. It’s as if my eyebrows have just been made up. I like the shape. When we went on a family outing a week ago, I was advised by Tin not to make “babad” in the water. It’s ok if some pool water gets on them but not too much, since they were still fresh. 

I like it when people stop to ask if they can take a look, and I don’t mind them asking me questions. In fact, I encourage them to ask me and I like it when people are interested to know more about it. I love my eyebrow embroidery experience. No regrets.

Ayan sya on my 1st week

On my 1st week

A week after

98% of the scabs have fallen off. Some areas are lighter, may look weird to some people. Colors will fade up to 60% and will resurface  in about 2 weeks

Ang light niya

Work in progress, two weeks

Two weeks after. Tin said I could put on brow make up if I wanted to

Three weeks

This is me. This is real. I love my brows!

My next session (retouch) with Tin is on June 11.  I will keep you posted.

Till then, you may check out Kristine Lucas’ portfolio:
Make Up by Kristine

Kristine's Facebook page
and my past two blog entries
Browmance Part 1
BrowJob Part 2

~TheGoodGirl 

Making peace with the past (Find the good and embrace the lessons)

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

I realized that a year ago, there were things happening in my life all at once. Some doors were closing, while new ones are opening. People were leaving, and some were just arriving. Decisions were being made, and some actions were being regretted. At that time, I was clueless on what would happen from then on. I didn’t know the implications or the consequences of those decisions and actions.

They said when you let go of things that don’t belong in your life, you make room for the ones that do, and you create space for something better. But during that time, I didn’t know that. My only thought was I was losing something. I was trying to hold on, but I didn’t know that letting go was the only way and the best way to go. I was chasing the wrong things. I didn’t know that something else, something better was in store for me. That greater things were bound to happen. That I would be happier.

Afterwards, when I was starting to realize that, I kept on thanking Him, amazed at how mysterious His ways really are. I kept on apologizing for not trusting Him, and for doubting His love for me. He was not answering my prayers. But in truth, He was indeed answering my prayers by saying ‘no’, by not giving in. He didn’t give me what I want, because it was not for me, and it was not best for me. I was about to receive more, to be blessed with more than I deserved.

Indeed, everything that happens in our life has a reason. Whatever it is, and whether we have already realized its purpose or not, let us always find the good (in it) and embrace the lessons. Learn from our mistakes, forgive ourselves for our failures and for the wrong things we’ve done, move forward, and accept that some things are not meant for us, and some things are not meant to be. Make peace with the past, make peace with yourself, and make peace with the people whom you have hurt or who might have hurt you. Give thanks. And be open to changes. God’s plans are always bigger than ours. We just have to let go, and leave it to Him.

~TheGoodGirl