Happy Birthday, Lola Mommy

 Because my mom was working nung bata pa kami, all four of us squids grew up with our grandmother, whom we call Mommy. Nung seaman pa si Daddy, ako laging katabi niya pagtulog. Certified Tondo Girl. Sobrang Hitler na lola, isang sutsot lang pag 6pm, kandarapa na kami umuwi para magAngelus. Lagi kami napapalo ni Kuya kasi ayaw matulog sa tanghali. Harap dun, she'd tell him. Ikaw, sa kabila, sasabihin naman sa akin. Unless magkatalikod kami, hindi kami makakatulog kasi. 

Siya rin dahilan kung bakit Holy Monday pa lang, tahimik na kami. Linggo na uli ang kulitan. Kung bakit kahit may helper/s kami noon, marunong kami ng household chores. Kanya-kanyang turn maghugas ng pinggan, magfloorwax at bunot (yes, bunot!), mag-set ng table, etc. Gumawa ng assignment, magreview. Maligo nang maaga, maghilod 😂Magsimba nang sabay-sabay. Yung pagdibay-dibay ng ulam, pag chicken, may kanya-kanya kaming parts. Laging ganun. Hindi pwedeng magsalita much while eating, kumanta, magsayaw, mag-inat, magpatong ng siko sa mesa, mag-inarte na hindi ka gutom o hindi ka sasabay, basta pag tinawag ka, punta na sa pwesto mo. Hindi pwede sumagot pag pinagagalitan, or umiyak nang malakas, hirap kaya ngumoyngoy nang tahimik. Hihiram ka ng mukha sa aso. Hindi pwedeng umalis ng walang paalam or lumayo man lang (kahit sa loob ng village). Makuha ka sa tingin. 

Sabi nila, grandparents tend to spoil more. Hindi namin naramdaman yun kasi sobrang higpit nga ni Mommy sa amin. Yung iniiwan na pera ni Mama for merienda, enough lang para sa isang Prima (or any biscuit o bread) at softdrink (PopCola or Sunta orange). Or pamasahe sa jeep o train (yes, train nung araw!), enough lang din. Walang damutan. Kaya kaming apat, sanay kami ng hating-kapatid. And doing everything together. Nung malalaki na kami, and nasa US na sila ni Daddy, hindi sya nakakalimot ng birthday. Laging may card na may lamang one dollar (oo, uso pa yun nun). Hanggang naging Lola Mommy na siya nina Cae. 

Looking back now, if spoiling us meant paghihigpit and pagtuturo ng tama, then hindi nagkulang si Mommy sa amin. If that was her way of spoiling us, then I prefer her ways after all. I'd like to believe na napalaki kami nang maayos. And that we are proud of being #LakingLola

Happy Birthday in heaven, Mommy. Thank you for everything. Love from The Squids

Chili con carne

Ingredients
1 pack red kidney beans (soak in water overnight)
1 kilo ground beef
Tomato paste (optional)
McCormick chili con carne mix (dissolved in water) - amount depends on how spicy you want it or any chili powder
1 pc big bell peppeer, strips sliced thinly
Garlic, onions - minced
Oil
Salt, pepper, sugar

Boil kidney beans until tender. Drain, rinse. Set aside. (You can do this ahead)

Saute onions, garlic. Add ground beef until brown. Add chili con carne mix (or chili powder). Simmer (until sauce thickens, if you used McCormick). Add beans. Add tomato paste if you want it thicker and sweeter. Mix well with the ground beef. Simmer. Optional only. Otherwise, add salt, pepper, sugar to taste, and bell pepper (if you don't want it soggy, add after turning off fire). Serve with grated cheese on top.

Spaghetti Bolognese

1 kilo ground beef
1 pack regular bacon
1 pc carrot, minced
1 pc white onion, minced
Garlic, minced
Extra virgin olive oil
1 small can tomato paste
1 pack Nestle Cream
1 can Sprite
1/4 stick butter
1 pack Maggi seasoning, salt and pepper to taste
Parmesan cheese and parsley or basil leaf as garnish

Saute onions, then garlic. Add butter and carrot. Pag caramelized and kinda soft na, add bacon. Cook it lang, wag crispy. Add ground beef until brown. Add seasonings to taste. If you want to put a little sugar, pwede rin, optional.

Add tomato paste, stir. Then Sprite. Stir lang. Add the cream, halo lang hanggang kumulo. Ready na ilagay sa cooked noodles.

Early Birthday Blessings

"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings."

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Last April, when my daughter Caitlin got a recognition (she works as Travelport Helpdesk at Stefanini Philippines), she received a travel incentive worth €625. Since it was required that she present either a flight or hotel booking to be able to claim it, we decided right away to go to Singapore in October. She has been to Korea, HK and Macau, so the next place is either Bangkok or SG. Never mind if I have been there also last April, it was after all a business trip. So while she shouldered the accommodation for the five of us, her Dad and I took care of the airfare.

Today, she got her 3rd Director's Club award for being the Top Performer for the Quarter (in Asia) for Travelport. As in her past citations, she, along with the other outstanding performers, was treated to a recreational activity day with their Director. This time, they went to an archery center, aside from the usual movie and buffet lunch treat. I am happy that Caitlin is doing well in the workplace and that her efforts are being recognized. I encourage her to work hard so she can enjoy its fruits and 'party harder', so to speak. Just this month, she signed up for an insurance policy and I am so proud of this commitment of hers.

Congratulations, Cae. You are always a source of pride and joy. Thank you for the early birthday blessings. Keep it up and we are always here to support you. You are my one and only naknik.

~TheGoodGirl

Cooking and Writing and Healing

"We may not have gotten to share a lifetime together...but the memories...they're the best of my life..."
@LeaMichele

It has long been believed that whatever you are feeling at the time you are cooking will be absorbed by (or will be transferred to) the food. So you should be mindful not to be mad or sad when you cook, lest you want the diners to feel that way, too. Sabi ng matatanda, pag galit ka raw, or malungkot, wag ka na raw magluto. Although you can chop onions and they won't know that you're crying because of something else.

Remember the novel Like Water for Chocolate (Como agua para chocolate, 1992)? When Tita was baking the wedding cake (she was in love with the groom), she suddenly broke into endless tears. Tears fell into the batter and made it soggy. Everyone in the wedding who tasted and ate the cake was overcome with a terrible ache, sense of immense loss, and the same fit of longing that filled Tita's heart.

(If you are curious, watch it here https://youtu.be/lKUSWDTa_uM)

As for me, it works the other way. Cooking serves as my therapy. I want to cook to feel better. You may not always see me sad or depressed or troubled. This is something I have mastered to hide all my life. I can crack jokes and put up a brave front but you will not see through me. I appear “normal” during my down times because 'the show must go on.' Good thing I have cooking and writing. Whenever I have the blues, I will turn to cooking to chase them away. Like writing, cooking heals me. Cooking eases stress, mends broken hearts, helps overcome boredom, cures sleeplessness, and reduces anxiety. I cook my way against pain from loss, trauma, death. But instead of the food absorbing the negative vibes, the effect that cooking has on me will prevail. And the ones who will taste or eat it will feel all the love (and pride and joy) I have in my heart. Like how my writing makes you feel.

From my kitchen (and desk) to yours ❤

~TheGoodGirl

I Write The Stories (Part 2)

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

― Ernest Hemingway

Author's Note: Please see http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2014/11/i-write-stories.html for I Write The Stories Part 1

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.”
― William Wordsworth

“Mommy, for some reason, your blogs make me cry,” my son always tells me. “Well, some of them make me laugh. But most of them make me cry.”

I always tell him that it’s ok to cry. And that the reason why he cries is because he is now more in touch with his emotions, and he has become more sensitive to people and to their feelings. “It’s ok to feel that way,” I would assure him. He doesn’t have to feel bad or embarrassed. There's nothing wrong with being moved by words. After all, he is the son of two writers. Who would argue with that?

Caehl said he stumbled upon my blog while he was checking out the bookmarked pages in his tablet’s internet browser. He saw my “Brow Job” blog and became curious so he clicked on it, and he was hooked since then. He reads my blogs like crazy. Sometimes he would fall silent and then I would find him on the verge of tears. He would try to control his tears, but I would always comfort him and say it’s all right for him to cry. He also says some of my blogs would trigger memories and events. “Do you know why I’m asking about (a specific event)? It’s because of your Chances Are (Valentine’s)  blog,” he once said. Sometimes he would laugh out loud. Funny daw kasi yung ibang entries. I jokingly advised him one night to just focus on the funny blogs so he won’t end up crying.

My blogs have always been from the heart and soul. A combination of drama and comedy. Which is the person that I am. That’s why sometimes it takes me quite a while before I could write one. Because I write from my heart and from my soul.  Even if I did not experience or go through it firsthand. Most of the time, my readers think that I am talking about myself or narrating my experience. Especially if it’s about a sad topic. "May pinagdadaanan ba si Pam?" Because that's how I write. You can see through me. To make them real, I have to internalize or tap into the pain itself. Sometimes I am too subjective or personal to a fault. I can't detach myself or my feelings from my writings. I wear my heart on my sleeve. People who know me well know that. It's difficult for me to hide what I feel. Sometimes I feel it's a disadvantage. But when I try to be impersonal, I am not satisfied with my output. Parang pilit, parang kulang. Parang nagkukunwari. In fact, I have a lot of unpublished blogs. Yung iba, puro umpisa lang. Some, puro ending. When I’m not satisfied with my output, I just discard it.  I admit that I'm really better off writing short fiction because there, I could afford not to be objective. Fiction nga eh.

But I stopped writing fiction for a while. Oh yeah, it's been a long while. When I was in high school and college, and a few years after graduation, I would produce short stories like chickens lay eggs. And an occasional poem or two. And that was even the time when typewriters were our best friend. You could imagine how difficult it was. I was paid by magazines for my stuff. Real money. Checques would arrive in the mail just like that. Cool huh? Of course, that was just a bonus. Getting paid for doing what you love. The real fulfillment comes from seeing your work published on honest-to-goodness magazine pages. Something that old-school and traditional writers like me would understand. And of course, the pride of seeing your name on print. And getting pats on the back. My dad used to buy many copies so he could distribute them to his friends. There was even a time when one of his friends asked him, “Leo, have you been telling your daughter about me? I could see myself in her story.” And that was a story which I wrote from a dream.

And that’s the other reward- when people tell you they’ve read what you wrote and that they enjoyed it. Like how my son is appreciating my blogs now. Sadly, I don’t have the time (and the patience) to go back to fiction writing. My husband still tries. But I know he is too busy for that. I still dream of writing a novel someday. Maybe someday. In the meantime, I get a kick out of writing blogs like this. And it makes me happy when people like what I write. Thank you so much, my dear readers. I don’t think I need to come up with a reason why I continue to do so. God gave me this gift. I live and breathe words. And I will write (and bleed) forever.

~TheGoodGirl

Lost and Found

“Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.” 

― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Thank you for everything, and for the inspiration behind this blog.

(I have not been blogging for quite some time. Aside from being busy, I just couldn’t seem to find an appropriate topic. Ironic though that when I finally did have a topic – it’s about loss.)

A loss is something I do not want to write about. Unless it is weight loss. Kidding aside, if there’s one topic which I don’t look forward to write about or that I find difficult to be objective about, it is on loss of a loved one or losing someone you love. I just cannot be detached from the topic. And even if I want to write about it and share my experience, I would keep on postponing it or setting it aside. Hey, it is a downer topic. Nobody wants to read about sadness. Or pain. The same way that I do not want to be reminded of people whom I have lost – be it because of death, separation, or relationship breakup. And when I do get to write about it, I wear my heart on my sleeve, embarrassingly opening my soul to everyone.

So many poems and love songs have been written about losing someone you love (Taylor Swift, are you listening?). Loss is real. Grief is real.  (A) loss is a deep personal experience. We all have our own share of losing someone and we all have our own coping mechanisms, and maybe there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. If you have ever lost someone – parent, spouse, sibling, child, friend, a pet even - you would know how it feels and how it tears you apart. The pain, the guilt, the bitterness, the mourning, the yearning, the struggle.  Enduring it is one thing, forgetting and moving on is another. A good friend, Jannette, even said, “(There is) no alternative. Wala kang choice. You cannot run away from it. Wala kasing kapalit yung nawala mo. There is no replacement (of the loss). Talagang pagdudusahan mo.” There is no other way to put it. You really have to go through it. Walang short-cut. There is no immediate cure, you will really have to help yourself to heal. Well, there would be other people to help you out or to support you. But in the end, only you can say that “Kaya ko ito, I will be ok.”

Cry if you have to. Grieve. Mourn. But the most important thing is, you rise above the pain. Nothing is permanent. Nothing stays. But hope endures and faith remains. Tough times don't last, but tough people do. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Everything will be all right in the end. Maybe not this moment, maybe not today, or tomorrow. But someday. That day will come. Even though the process may be slow or may take a long time, the day will come that the wounds will heal. It may not make you forget totally, but at least, in the end, time will help you forget the pain that came with the loss. When a bad thing happens, such as a loss, they say that you have three choices – you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. It’s really up to you. Let go of things that hinder your growth, or happiness, or freedom. Free yourself. Let go of feelings that won’t help. Focus on the good and positive. Find yourself. And always remember and live the lessons learned from the loss.

“Scars mean you fought. Wrinkles mean you lived. Heartache means you loved.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo 

~TheGoodGirl