I always like to think that my daughter and I are good friends.
That's why it saddens me when we fight. Or when we misunderstand each other. Or when she locks her bedroom and shuts me out.
The way it saddens me when she and her dad fight. Or when they misunderstand each other. And she locks her bedroom and shuts him out.
Cae is turning 15 this month. And as a mom, it is my desire to create as many bonds and experiences with her. That's why I always make it a point to be into everything she does and to get into everything she likes or wants. But sometimes, the generation gap comes in (even though our age gap is as short as Ogie Alcasid's stay in show business). Sometimes, what she wants is not always good. Or proper. Perhaps in her eyes (and in the eyes of teens like her), this or that is cool. Or this or that is perfectly all right. But you're not called a parent for nothing. Para ke pa na naging parent ka if you can't put your foot down, if you will always give in to what they want, even though you know in your heart na hindi naman nila ikabubuti, so to speak.
During conflicts like this, it pains me that no matter how I try to explain things to her, no matter how I try to be patient and calm, there are just some things which she can't or refuse to understand. Ayaw mag-sink in. And she cries and won't eat and stays in her room forever.
I always tell her, "I'm your mom and I know you too well." I could tell if she plucked her eyebrows or cut her bangs. I make it a point that she has her private time, and I don’t lurk. There are times that I understand her better than her dad does. Although I scold her and stick to my mom role often, as much as possible I would like to treat her as an adult. I like being with her and I treasure the moments I am with her, especially because I know there will be times that I or her dad may find it difficult to reach out to her.
More than once, I blogged about how my sisters and I have never been open to our mom about crushes and boyfriends. Mama has always been prim and proper, certainly not the type who will scream or gush over the opposite sex or one who understands today’s love and relationships. I could be a strict mom if the situation calls for it and I will not hesitate to give her the "homily" she deserves if she has done something wrong, but I can always be the open and fun-loving mom she prefers me to be and is proud of. “Para lang kayong mag-ate,” people would tell us.
And like sisters, I guess, we’ll have some “fight scenes” once in a while. But unlike her perhaps, I won't close my door on her and shut her out. Because I'm her mom.
When it comes to writing stories from life's natural everyday situations, no one does it better than The Good Girl. Now she is telling all...touching, true-to-life, heartwarming tales that tell the world about her life, love, and lessons learned, with her usual delightful brand of humor and drama. Follow me @therealgoodgirl (Twitter) @talesofthegoodgirl (Instagram)
that is soo right Pam! wish we could be the right parent to our kids without them disliking us, or worse hating us for being what we ought to be. gosh, i still have a long wait to do as my son is just 2 years old but he's showing signs that he will be difficult to control on the things he wanted to do. bata pa lang, sobra na ang perseverance, not that it is wrong, di ba? kaya lang, pag alam mong masasaktan, ang hirap pakawalan. but it's good you treat her as an adult, at least she knows you trust her. tell her too that in times she is to do something and she needs help, asking for one is not a sign of weakness, rather a sign of strength to acknowledge she cannot do things all by herself all the time. good luck to us parents!
ReplyDeletebeing a tita rules! hehe, pag makulit na, ihatid mo na pauwi. tee hee.
ReplyDeletesad but you get to appreciate your parents (and how right they were) pag matanda ka na, and pag parent ka na din. books can only help you so much. sa totoong buhay, wala namang clear standards or rules kung pano maging mabuting parent. nothing can really prepare you for it, lalo na't iba-ibang personalities ang bata. yes, talagang good luck nga hehe ikaw ang nalulungkot pag feeling mo hindi nakakarating sa kanila yung gusto mong iparating
ReplyDeletehayyyyyy
ReplyDeleteThere are things that children prefer to learn the hard way. Ayaw makinig sa pangaral o karanasan ng magulang o nakatatanda sa kanila. Basta huwag kayong magkulang sa pangaral sa kanya. Sa tingin ko naman naiintindihan nya kayo, hirap lang siguro syang tanggapin na tama kayo kaya nagkukulong muna sa kwarto.
ReplyDeletemaybe you're right. siguro nga they want to learn things the hard way
ReplyDeleteis this about being 16 and "can't stop me" attitude mare...? pagdadasal na lang muna kita...hang in there...being a mother is the bravest job in the world!
ReplyDeleteo kaya hangerin mo na lang. it never lets me down. hehe :-)
ReplyDeleteyes, we were at their age din one point in our life and sometimes we just like to keep some things to our self...oo nga tama lang na wag magkulang sa pangaral..kasi that will always be guiding them..di lang nila ma-admit pero lagi yun magiging guiding principles nila
ReplyDeletethanks for all the concern and replies...napakahirap talaga
ReplyDeletemukhang poproblemahin ko rin ba yan ate?
ReplyDelete^hehehe ganun yata talaga ate ela
ReplyDelete