At Seventeen*

Yup, Alex and I just turned 17. I always pass on this joke to my friends that only half of that were ours, referring to the years when we truly loved each other. The other half, well, were spent (or wasted) on other things. 

Seventeen is a great number. It’s one of my favorite numbers actually since I was born on the 17th of September. It’s a number that is often cited in songs, “She was just seventeen. You know what I mean.” “'You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only 17”. Did you know that “At Seventeen” by Janis Ian was originally written as "I learned the truth at eighteen”? But the singer found that the word "seventeen" worked better than "eighteen" when she tried to put melody to the lyrics.

I often write about me and Alex, our anniversaries, our relationship in general – what we have and have not done; what we have done right and what we have done wrong; how we come clattering down once in a while and how we get up each time we fall; how I thought I knew it all, that I knew everything.

But not quite, I know that now.

Reality check: sadly, some of the ideals I used to believe in, stand for and hold dear do not hold true anymore, and I have accepted (and am still trying to accept) that. There are actions that I cannot undo, events that I won’t be able to foresee, and people that we certainly can do without. For things that I just can no longer change, wala na kong magagawa kundi tanggapin, try to control what's left (and what can be controlled) and go on with life as happily as we could.

At seventeen, I know better.

Disclaimer: You don’t have to agree with me, you don’t have to believe me. You’re entitled to your own opinion. More so, these do not really sum up my life. Random thoughts lang.

Life and love are more than these, of course.

1. First love dies. I can’t even remember who it was.
2. Kay tamis ng una mong halik is not true. Again, I can’t even remember who it was.
3. It takes two to make a thing go right. In saving a marriage, hindi pwedeng isa lang ang may gusto or nag-e-effort. Dapat pareho kayo. And do it because you want to, not because you have to.
4. In a relationship, there are three versions: the girl’s, the guy’s, and the truth.
5. The most wonderful of all things in life is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty and joy as the years increase.
6. God made many puzzle pieces, but only those two 'cut out' for each other can fit together to create a perfect and beautiful picture. Kung hindi ikaw ang missing piece niya, wag ipagpilitan ang sarili. Kung mali, mali.
7. The life and love we create is the life and love we live. There are people who intentionally, deliberately mess up other people’s lives. Once in our lives, or maybe not just once, we encounter such careless people.
8. Huwag matigas ang ulo. Iyan ang ikapapahamak mo. We live only once. Live it well, live it right.
9. I used to tell my mom, life is short. And she would ask back, why make it shorter. Sabi na nga ba, makinig sa magulang. Parents know best. Since I have become a parent myself, sold na sold ako sa idea na ito. Wala pa ring tatalo sa Alaska.
10. From Alex: love is something that must be worked on on a daily basis.
11. Sabi nila, sometimes love is not enough. Well siguro nga, but perhaps love could make everything easier. Sabi nila, love makes the world go around. Well siguro nga, but perhaps love just makes the ride worthwhile.
12. Metaphorical, but I like this: Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
13. From Alex again: (I learned) to subjugate the "self" in favor of the family.
14. Walk the talk. Kung ano yung sinasabi mo, yun din ang gagawin mo. Hindi yung puro salita, tapos iba naman ang ginagawa sa totoong buhay.
15. Sabi nila, for a relationship to work, there must be trust and communication. Sa akin naman, the person to whom you’re according that trust should be trustworthy, too. And you must find out what method of communication suits you best. Different strokes for different folks.
16. There are questions that seem to have no answers. I once read that the key is to be patient and not to search for the answers which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. Maybe someday, you will gradually live your way into the answer. In His time.
17. Move on.

*Copyright © Janis Ian/her co-writer(s) if any/their publisher(s). All rights reserved.