Tales of The Good Girl: Happy Birthday to The Good Girl’s Daughter

18 years ago, I did not know anything about motherhood, I was not prepared to be a parent. I was only 22.

In fact, even before I knew it, it was my Mama who first knew I was pregnant.

“Patricia,” she instructed my eldest sister. “Samahan mo na yan magpa-check-up, buntis yang kapatid mo.”

I was supposed to start working for the Araneta Group of Companies. I nailed the job after my first interview. At that time, we were staying with my aunt in QC and Araneta Center, Cubao was just a ride away. So it was convenient for me, and for Alex who at that time was working in the same area.

But I got pregnant with Cae that I had to forego working. My pregnancy was not simple. I would crawl my way to the comfort room to throw up and it was really yucky. I hated the smell of Eternity and Safeguard. After surviving the 1^st trimester, I remember being strong enough to be able to watch Bon Jovi’s concert at the Rizal Stadium. That night, while singing, “Shot through the heart. And you're to blame. Darlin' You give love a bad name,” my youngest sister Lea fainted. We learned later that she got chicken pox. My folks were alarmed and afraid that I would get it too so they had to send me to my aunt’s house in QC again. But as luck would have it, the following day, I got sick, too. The doctor reassured us it would not affect the baby.

On my fifth month, I had a dengue scare. My mouth was bleeding and the emergency doctor said I might be having dengue. He also said (God bless him, he passed away already) my baby was too small. My mom was so scared. Turned out, when my real OB-Gyne came back from vacation, she said it was just lack of fluorine or fluoride. It was common among pregnant women so she made me eat food rich in fluorine/fluoride. In addition, no, she disputed the other doctor’s pronouncement about the baby's size. In fact, I was thin as a 22-year old and considering my built, my baby was just growing fine.

My estimated delivery date was March 28 (that was a Holy Monday). But when I had an ultrasound that day, my OB-Gyne said, “Mataas pa.” That was when we knew she was going to be a girl. I was overjoyed. Alex and I wanted a girl. In fact, I already chose a name for her – Caitlin (after a Sweet Dreams pocketbook title) and Anais (from the Cacharel perfume Anais Anais, which my good friend Nessa sent me from Australia). Alex liked the combination that we didn’t have to think of another name. The initials CA had many meanings - C is for Capiz and Che (my childhood nickname); and A is for Alex and Acuña. Her nickname CAE is from Alex’s initials – Capiz, Alexander Edmund.

So we went back home, kampante that I wasn’t going to give birth until after Holy Week. Yet, that Wednesday, I had a discharge and I felt it was time. My brother who was going to work at that time drove me to the hospital and called Alex who was in the office. I had to suffer for 31 hours before I had her. Please visit this link http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/1207 (A Girl Named Caitlin) for my “labor day” story J

My late Papa used to call her ‘First Love”, being their first apo. She was also sort of his lucky charm in taking the Bar. On the other hand, my mother-in-law had a stroke 2 days after Cae was born. That was a Friday. In fact, she was planning to visit us Saturday as soon as Cae and I were discharged from the hospital. But as it is, after her stroke, she never recovered and she passed away when Cae was 4 and a half months old.

About her dextroscoliosis and brace

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/61968 and

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/66556

Whoever said that motherhood (or parenthood for that matter) is like a box of chocolates (you wouldn’t know what you’re gonna’ get) wasn’t kidding. I am the one who’s kidding, nobody really said that.

Being a parent is ___________ (just fill in the blanks). You cannot explain it or describe it in just one word – parenthood is in fact a world of its own. It is a magical, wonderful, awesome world; it’s a happy and sad and crazy experience.

Writer C. JoyBell C. said, “I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway...let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves.”

Cae and I now share the same shoe/slipper size. She’s prettier and taller but we have the same built. She is an emotional, thoughtful, loyal girl; she loves her friends dearly and is very generous. She loves to read and is a good writer (I don’t think she knows this). She’s strong and stubborn like her dad. She can be better, I know, it’s just that she may not know how good she is. If I say a lot of times that Caehl is my mini-Me and is a lot like me, it doesn’t mean I love my daughter less.

I can’t remember who said it or where I read it (maybe you can Google it), but it went like this, “You are the closest I will ever come to magic.”

18 years after, even at age 40, I will not claim to be an expert, I am still learning but I am sure proud I am Cae’s mom and parent. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Please visit my other blog entries about our unica hija:

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/31817

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/31781

Dorm blog: http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/79321

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/13297

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/12353

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/10720

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/95209

Before going to college http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/31819

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/95210

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/95212

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/95213