Words from TheGoodGirl: Kaleidoscope / Roller Coaster

KALEIDOSCOPE
As you rotate the kaleidoscope
The objects shift
And the reflection changes,
Moving from one pattern to another.
Just like the emotions you evoke in me -
One second the colors are bright
Only to darken the next.
I am helpless.

ROLLER COASTER
Like a roller coaster ride
My world goes up and down
In your hand.
You lift me high
Only to bring me down.
The loops
Twists and turns
Free falls
You take me
In an exhilarating ride
Then bring it to a stop
I don't know why.

~TheGoodGirl

Images from: http://gregegan.customer.netspace.net.au/images/Kaleidoscope.gif
http://stopsellingvanillaicecream.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Roller-Coaster.jpg

Words from TheGoodGirl: Memory Jars

Inside my mind
And heart,
There is a library of memories.

The memories are contained in jars,

Categorized into years

And persons.

There are memories

(or years or persons)

That I choose not to remember at all.

They’re in the shadowy recesses of my mind,

Like dark aisles in a library.

I keep them there as I don’t want to be reminded

Of experiences or moments

That were humiliating,

Frightening,

Hurting
Heartbreaking.

Such memories, unfortunately, never leave.

They just stay in our consciousness:

A person of the past

Death

A failed relationship

Insecurity or fear...

And you just push the jars back.

In a visit to the library,
I recently opened one,

Without realizing the consequences.

The memories rushed out,

Like a flood.

I was not able to control the outpour,

I was carried away

And got lost.

Yet after the initial deluge,

I sifted the experiences
And as I go through each moment,

All I could do was to stop and stare in awe,

And remember (everything) in wonder.

Yes, you are here again

And I'm back to square one now.

I opted to replace the lid

And close the jar,

Returning it to where it belongs – the past.

Yet I am setting aside another empty jar 

Waiting for you to fill it up again.

This time,

With forever.

~TheGoodGirl

Birthday Blog from TheGoodGirl

When I was a kid, I used to look forward to Mr. Postman delivering my birthday cards from my grandparents and aunt in the US. My lola and Mama Baybee never failed to send me one. Sometimes, there would be a dollar inside - such heartwarming childhood memories that will stay forever in my heart.

Then when the mobile phone era came, I would wait for my papa’s all-caps birthday SMS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANAK. LOVE, PAPA AND MAMA. After hearing Mass, I would call them up to thank them - for my life and for all the love. And there would always be tears in my eyes afterwards.

It has become an annual tradition – this birthday blog of mine. Every year, the things that I am thankful for are piling up, and the things that I want or wish for are getting fewer.  It’s not that I have much, I don’t. It’s just that when you get older, you know what really matters (like the dollars, joke) and what doesn't (anymore).

Once again (pardon the litany), thank You Lord:

• For 43 wonderful years - There were rough and sad times, but they made me a stronger person. The happy times made me softer. Thank You for the highs and the lows. The good times and the bad. I am what I am now because of these. Thank you Lord for the gifts and talents that I continue to share with others.
• For my papa and mama - I hope I have become the person you wanted me to be. I miss you Papa. Mama, your voice over the phone is enough.
• For my 2 Cs - Caitlin and Caehl, you are my priceless gems and you always bring me so much happiness. A mom can’t ask for anything more.
• For The Squids - You are simply the best. No words come close enough.
• For my niece, nephews and grand-niece – You are our pride and joy.
• For my relatives who are always at our side - for better or worse.
• For my in-laws - Thank you for being good to me.
• For my “angels” Ev and Novy – Thank you for making my life easier so I can perform my job better.
• For Insular Life - You have given me so much. I am giving it back to you. Thank you to my Insular Life family as well.  I love birthday leaves.
• For my friends – Thank you for always being there, regardless of distance and time zone. High school. College. Office. Neighborhood. FB. Thicker waistlines, creases and wrinkles and domestic problems and all.
• For those who are not in my litany – You are not in the list - but in my heart. I simply cannot have everything. But I am grateful for the little infinity. Perhaps in another lifetime. I will always be here. That’s all.
• For Alex - Here’s to the snow that sometimes comes down in June, and the sun that sometimes goes 'round the moon. Save the best for last, Dad.

My day has just begun, and there’s an outpour of birthday greetings – Facebook, Twitter, SMS, Viber, and even Instagram, since last night. Thank you. I feel so blessed and loved and appreciated. I can’t ask for more. It’s just too much. Maybe I really have done something good to deserve it.

But I want more Louis Vuitton and Longchamp bags, and Havaianas slippers. I am a girl, after all.

Thank you from The(one and only)GoodGirl.