#KimSeonHoinMNL2023

 “Thank you so much for being with me even in the hard times.” - Kim Seon Ho

I was literally crying my heart out, hindi ko mapigil ang luha ko when he finally appeared on stage. Yung pagmamahal mo at paghanga sa isang taong hindi natin binitawan at iniwan. Inintay natin siyang maging ready. Maging masaya uli. And this is it!

Pila Serye – this is a Pila Day (wala pang 9am nasa MOA na po ako). Pero thank you at napaka-organized naman lahat (salamat Kim Seon Ho Philippines, Pulp and SM Mall of Asia Arena, mababait ang staff, guards and bouncers)

• Pila sa umaga – sa Cupsleeve Event sa Coffee Bean, brought to us by Kim Seon Ho Philippines (got a 10am-11am slot).
• Pila sa strapping – sa Pulp tent. Thank you, Inang sa freebies!
• Pila sa pre-ordered merch
• Pila sa Pancake House - Lunch muna ang tiyahin nyo, seree nemen
• Pila uli pagpasok sa Arena.
• Pila pati sa CR hahaha

Finally, I was insideeeeeeeee!!!

Shout out sa mga nakilala kong fellow Seonhohadas – Areezon, Eunice and jowa,sa mga nakatabi ko sa Pancake House, at sa mga seatmates ko sa napakasolid na LBP216 (Anna, Cel, and four more na hindi ko na nakuha ang names, thank you for taking my photos). Si Janis na nakilala ko sa Southmall nung nakapila kami for tickets, nagkita tayo uli pero sayang di tayo nakapagbonding. Salamat din sa lahat ng nagbigay ng free merch. Grabe! 

Kim Seon Ho – you are a dream come true. No regrets for choosing you as our preferred actor (sshhhh quiet lang, wag lang malaman ng iba kong Oppa hahaha). Hindi ko alam na I will feel this way hahaha sobrang saya and iyak at the same time, naku wala na ko pakelam haha sabi naman ng mga katabi ko, ok lang.  I was so worried dahil sa Hi and Goodbye Session, he was standing for more than 2 hours, kawawa naman. But napaka-consistent nya, he greets each fan the same way, hindi mo makitaan ng pagod or pagkainip. Kung pano mo siya i-greet (for example, bye or aegyo, ganun ka din nya igree-greet), na para kaming pumaparada sa harap niya (while he was behind an acrylic barrier). I think ako lang yata ang nag-bow sa kanya. He bowed back with his two hands together. Sorry hindi ko po nakita ang iba, if meron. Haaayyyyy saranghae His reactions, his expressions, his body language – napaka-real lahat. Such a warm and genuine person. Nahihiya nga lang magpapogi. Hindi niya alam na pogi sya huhuhu our DImple Prince. And I learned later na kagabi rin pala flight niya huhuhu

I did not take videos of everything, yung iba photo lang, while some of the moments, I just wanted to savor. Tuwing pipikit ako, si Seon Ho ang nakikita ko.

I went home sad kasi hindi mo alam kung kelan uli. But at the same time, smiling and happy and so grateful that this day happened. Luckily, the LED ad was still on when we passed by the globe.

Saranghae, Kim Seon Ho! Till your next visit to Manila.

More pix and vids in my K-Pam page https://www.facebook.com/KPamMyKWorld/

More of Kim Seon Ho in: 

https://www.instagram.com/seonho__kim/?hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/kimseonho_staff.diary/?hl=en

https://www.instagram.com/kimseonhodaily_/?hl=en

RUN ON

RUN ON. I seldom write about the k-dramas I have watched, no matter how much I loved them, cried my heart out, laughed out loud, or stressed over the bad guys, they are usually just in my heart, in my memory bank. And more often than not, I would buy a shirt or any merch as a remembrance, or a reminder of that love.

Late as it may seem, but I recently finished Run On. I actually watched it to see Kang Tae Oh but found myself liking Si Wan. And the cameo of Kim Seon Ho was definitely a bonus.

There's this scene in Episode 15 when Ye Jun (played by Kim Dong Young), the best friend of Yeong Hwa (KTO) came out to his family.

He told his mother, I'm gay. And the mom just drove away, blaming herself for failing to take care of her children.

It got me to thinking how parents would actually react or respond when a coming out happens. I was actually engaged with the scene, I was talking to the mother even. No, you don't do that. You don't walk away. You may not understand everything all at once, right there and then. You may fight later on, or argue. But don't, never leave your child at that moment. No matter how painful or difficult it is. It's a vulnerable, crucial moment that could make or break them, one that could affect their lives, either liberate them or scar them forever.

Just to put a closure on this, the mom eventually understood her son, making up for her poor reaction and accepting that being different is not wrong.

Yun lang. Wala lang. Gusto ko lang isulat yung thoughts ko. Crush ko na si Si Wan (Emergency Declaration, coming soon in Phil cinemas on Aug 31). At dapat ko na rin yata tigil-tigilan ang k-drama at padagdag nang padagdag ang mga oppa ko, wala na kong space sa bahay!!! #talesofthegoodgirl

Extraordinary Attorney Woo

Started and ended with these doors.

Thank you #ExtraordinaryAttorneyWoo for 16 beautiful episodes and for teaching and reminding us that each one of us is different but same, and is special and worthy of love, respect and care.

EAW hits home as our family has its share of struggles, discoveries, ups and downs, laughter and tears, years of occupational therapy. And we are grateful as we look back on all those years, proud of what we have overcome and what we have become, and hopeful that the world would be more kind and understanding to people with social, communication and behavioral challenges.

#gamsahamnida #parkeunbin #kangtaeoh #kangkiyoung #hanbadasquad #woototheyoungtothewoo #talesofthegoodgirl

Making peace with the past (Find the good and embrace the lessons)

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

I realized that a year ago, there were things happening in my life all at once. Some doors were closing, while new ones are opening. People were leaving, and some were just arriving. Decisions were being made, and some actions were being regretted. At that time, I was clueless on what would happen from then on. I didn’t know the implications or the consequences of those decisions and actions.

They said when you let go of things that don’t belong in your life, you make room for the ones that do, and you create space for something better. But during that time, I didn’t know that. My only thought was I was losing something. I was trying to hold on, but I didn’t know that letting go was the only way and the best way to go. I was chasing the wrong things. I didn’t know that something else, something better was in store for me. That greater things were bound to happen. That I would be happier.

Afterwards, when I was starting to realize that, I kept on thanking Him, amazed at how mysterious His ways really are. I kept on apologizing for not trusting Him, and for doubting His love for me. He was not answering my prayers. But in truth, He was indeed answering my prayers by saying ‘no’, by not giving in. He didn’t give me what I want, because it was not for me, and it was not best for me. I was about to receive more, to be blessed with more than I deserved.

Indeed, everything that happens in our life has a reason. Whatever it is, and whether we have already realized its purpose or not, let us always find the good (in it) and embrace the lessons. Learn from our mistakes, forgive ourselves for our failures and for the wrong things we’ve done, move forward, and accept that some things are not meant for us, and some things are not meant to be. Make peace with the past, make peace with yourself, and make peace with the people whom you have hurt or who might have hurt you. Give thanks. And be open to changes. God’s plans are always bigger than ours. We just have to let go, and leave it to Him.

~TheGoodGirl

Chances Are (A Valentine Blog)

Which one do you prefer (or which is applicable to you): If it’s meant to be, it will be or If you want it, go for it?

Some say you have to wait for the right time to get what you want. “Sa tamang panahon.” But what if you just have to go and get it, or the moment might pass you by?

Sometimes in life, there are no second chances. Sometimes, there’s not even a first. In love, someone said it’s better to put your heart on the line, risk everything, and walk away with nothing than play it safe. It’s better to be scared, or embarrassed, or hurt, because it means you took your chances.

I have always been a believer in that thing called love. No matter how many times I fell and blew it, no matter how many times I got hit and died, I would always recover and bounce back. True, it would scare you to the point that you will no longer want to live, laugh and love again. I tried both ways – in looking for the one person for me among eight billion people, 1) I waited for the right time and 2) I went for it. Hit or miss. Trial and error. There’s no right formula. You just have to suck it or f*ck off. It’s just the way things are. Otherwise, you will never know. And you will never find that elusive “forever.”

“Sometimes the course of our lives depends on what we do or don't do in a few seconds, a heartbeat, when we either seize the opportunity, or just miss it. Miss the moment and you never get a chance again.”

― Aidan Chambers, Dying to Know You

I believe in taking chances. There are those things that might happen only once, and those chances that just might never happen again. And if you do get lucky, I believe in second chances – whether in love, or in life in general. You may have made some bad decisions in life and you regretted most of them. But that’s just half of the story. The other half is during that time, you were happy. And during that time, that was what you wanted. Either way, you learn your lessons. And you become a better person. You learn to make better decisions. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take. Oprah Winfrey said, “When you get the chance, go for it!”

“You don’t want to wake up and realize you could have been happy, that the risks would have been worth it, but you dwindled away your chances.”

― Sarah Noffke, Revived

And when you are given that rare second chance, as not everybody deserves it, take it and don’t waste it. It may not guarantee a happy ending or a “forever”, but just the same, it is an opportunity to make things right, or make things better. To live smarter. To laugh more. To love harder.

Thank you for giving me a second chance. 

Happy Valentine's, everyone!

~TheGoodGirl

Thank you 2015 and Hello 2016

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
How do you measure, measure a year...

To declare that 2015 was definitely my year is an understatement. If there were losses and disappointments, there were more gains and joys.

Two trips to Boracay, one to Clark, one to Cebu, and one to Bangkok (which I never expected), courtesy of Insular Life; my daughter getting a job; my son capping 3rd grade by ranking first in the class; my car Christian Grey finally getting the repair he so deserved after a minor damage late December; trips to Baguio and Tagaytay with the family; reuniting with good old friends, gaining new ones and welcoming new people in my life; kicking and quitting old and bad habits; losing weight and finally winning the battle against the bulge; hosting and being a part of successful company events such as the Awards Night and Christmas Party; getting recognitions and an unexpected promotion - I simply could not ask for more. It would be too much.

Other 2015 highlights include being a principal sponsor in the wedding of my first godchild; going to Pico de Loro for the first time; seeing my high school mentors; seeing relatives again after a long time; keeping in touch with friends; having more "me" times; unwinding after office with colleagues; having a new grandnephew, Liam; Caehl taking piano lessons and joining a recital; attending weddings; watching my favorite basketball teams; being with people I love, and doing what I love. 

There's so much to thank for, so much to remember and be happy for. Thank You, Lord, for my family, my household, and my friends and loved ones. Thank You for the good health, and for keeping us safe and together. Thank You for the company I work for, that lets me do what I do best, and lets me be who I want to be. Thank You, Lord for everything, for Your infinite blessings, for all the opportunities that came and will come my way. Some of my prayers remained unanswered, I know now why. You sent me something else, and gave me more, more than I deserved.

Thank you, 2015. I am truly blessed. Thank you to the people who have been a part of it. I may have lost some, but I am a winner in more ways than one. I found some a little bit late but I will always take comfort in the belief that you meet the people you're supposed to, when the time is right.

Thank you for coming into my life. I always believed in the goodness of things, and that there is something good in every thing that happens. Thank you for being the best thing. When I think of this, I thank God and I can only think of happiness, and gratitude. And my heart is full of joy.

Hello 2016! May the good Lord continue to guide and bless us all.

~TheGoodGirl signing off for 2015

An Empty Jar

Inside my mind

And heart,

There is a library of memories.

The memories are contained in jars,

Categorized into years

And persons.

Like if I want to remember a certain year, I can just take out the jar labeled with that year, open its lid and release the memories. Or if I want to reminisce about a certain person, I will pick out the one bearing his or her name, and again, help myself to the memories I kept inside the jar.

- Memory Jars, Tales of The Good Girl, September 2014

When I opened one of my memory jars a year ago, I consequently released pent-up memories and things that happened which I thought would forever be at the backseat of my mind.

Back then, when I decided to put away this particular jar, I placed it where I would never see it again. I would always hold back each time there was something that would remind me of this year, and of certain persons in my life during this year. I have managed, for the longest time, to confine such experiences to my memory bank’s “black hole”, hoping they will disappear and never come back to haunt me, and hurt me.

I thought they were all gone. I never knew that opening that jar will make me remember and feel again the joys, the thrills, the fears, the disappointments, and the pains. Many times, I would tell myself to replace the lid and close the jar again, and put it back where it belongs – the past. There were times though that I thought the jar would remain open forever. But that was not going to happen.

Perhaps, to close the jar and return it to the shelf is not enough. Perhaps, it would be best if I take out all the contents, or shake the jar and throw everything in it away. That way, even if it remains open, it would be empty. And all the memories inside would forever be forgotten. And I would be finally free.

Thank you for the memories...

~TheGoodGirl

The Perfect Ending

I'm just a writer, Emma. 

I don't know what to do to show you how much I love you. 

I only have words. That's all I have.

~Alex Sheldon, Alex & Emma, 2003

For the longest time, I have been working on a story.

I haven’t been writing fiction for quite sometime now. But I had it. The five key elements were there - character, setting, conflict, plot and theme. And most importantly, the inspiration behind it, the heart and soul of writing that story was never lost.

But admittedly, I encountered difficulty inasmuch as I didn’t want it to end. Not that I didn’t know how to end it. Thing is, I already had a perfect ending in mind. But for some reason, I didn’t want it to have an ending. It was ongoing, and I wanted to keep it going. There were times that I thought tapos na ito. Tama na ito. Ayoko na. Yet every day, may nangyayari. I would add something. Or I would change my mind. I would have a change of heart. Baka pwede pa. How I wanted it to go on forever. Never mind that it was supposed to be a “short story.” I just didn’t want it to end.

Sooner or later, I knew that I had to write -30-. The struggle was on. Sometimes I could be stubborn. Sometimes I could be so persistent. All the signs were there, yet I kept on ignoring them. Hoping that one day, that perfect ending, that beautiful and happy ending would materialize. Baka naman pwede pa, I kept on wishing. Konti na lang, konting push pa. Baka makuha sa kulit. Even in my daily prayers, I would ask the Lord to give me more time. Dear God, You do know that I never give up. I won’t give up on this. Maybe in this story of mine, You would allow me to go on. Never mind the heartaches, never mind the strain. I just wanted this story to go on forever.

Yet one morning, I woke up to find that the end is near. The story has to be concluded. I have to wrap it up. Otherwise, it would just go nowhere. It is in fact going nowhere. Its beauty will soon get lost. Hindi na baleng matapos na in all its splendor, kesa naman pilitin ko pa, papangit lang.

And so, I am writing -30-. It’s time. Finally. I have now reached the end, and I have to write the ending it properly deserves. My story is finished. While the final chapter was not what I had originally in mind, and I didn’t see it coming, it has all come together. I couldn't put a happy ending, otherwise it would come out “pilit”. Sorry if it’s not the classic ending (I or) most readers would prefer, but at long last, I let the main character overcome her major conflict and put that conflict away - in the dark recesses of her mind.

The End.

~TheGoodGirl

Use your gift(s) to serve others

1 Peter 4:10

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.

Recently, I came across this bible verse (thanks, Lay). Which led me to thinking, what gift do I have? What gift can I use to be relevant to others? What do I do best that I can share with others?

When I took the Five Love Languages Quiz http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ years ago, I found out that my love language is acts of service. I didn’t know then but I do know now that I am on my best mode when I am doing something for someone, and I love it when I do something for people without being asked or told. 

Yet, this is somehow perplexing. I am a writer and I say it best through words. Sometimes, my actions do not speak for what I truly feel, or what I truly want. Or what I really want to say. Sometimes what you see is not what you get from me. I am an unusual creature. Most of the time, I show my love through other means. Sometimes, I express it through silence. Or by doing things silently. You don’t have to tell me what to do. It’s already done. My boss once told me that I am a silent worker. I do not brag about the things I do or have done, they're just done. You don’t have to say you need me. I’m already there. Which is often misinterpreted by people as indifference. Even my own daughter says I don’t show that I care. I do. I care a lot. It’s just that I show it in my own different way.

People do not believe that I am an introvert and shy person. True, I have always been shy. And reserved. But that’s not how people see me. I think this is something that only my father knew. On stage, I can be the ultimate emcee. And I can write loudly, if you know what I mean. Well, close friends would never describe me as quiet. But in bad times, and you need someone who can and who will listen to you, I can be the best person to be with. If you want my opinion, I can readily give it to you. But if you hate unsolicited advice, it’s fine. I am comfortable in silence and I can just sit beside you, just hearing you out. 

If you need cheering up, it’s fine by me, too. People often tell me sumasakit ang panga nila sa akin. Randy would say, “Bangag ka ba?” Friends tell me I always have a punchline, and I can cull out a joke from just anything. And that my laughter is contagious. From our President, MBO: Pam, I will miss your quips. I treat each and every emceeing or hosting job differently. Each job is special. Oo naman, kinakabahan pa rin ako each time. And I always give my 100% - be it a small stint, or a major one. Because it’s what I do best. Or at least I would like to think so. Making people laugh, entertaining them – be it on stage or through my writings - is something I want to do for the rest of my life. And if it is my way of serving others, then I am okay with that.

~TheGoodGirl

This is a happy blog

Floating like a feather, pull me down I'm stuck in the clouds

-This Is A Happy Song, Hale (2008)

Do I miss being sad? Of course not. I haven’t been writing about sadness for quite a while. Do I miss it? No, I don’t. Although I admit I write more when I feel sad. I write easily owing to sadness because may pinaghuhugutan, or words pour out easily. And there are more subjects to write about. But I haven’t been sad lately.

I’m not saying I have everything. I don’t. And I won’t claim that my life is perfect. But I am happy with what I have, and I’m happy at this point in my life. They say that with less expectations, (you end up with) less disappointments. I mentioned in one of my blogs that I have been praying for something, asking Him for something I want so badly. But He just won’t give in. Or maybe I already have the answer. He gave me other things, more than I think I deserved. Maybe that’s His answer – Pam, I’ll give you something else.

I love my 7am-4pm daily routine. I love my work. In fact, this is the time of the year when I get to tackle my most favorite event – our annual awards night. I remember texting my boss to thank her for keeping me in the Program Committee. And she texted back, saying she’s glad. I love the work-life balance that my job offers. I get to spend time with my kids (although Cae’s shift is forever changing). I can window-shop (or actually shop) while doing errands and have lots of ‘me’ time. My bedroom is my sanctuary and there, I can write on my journal, watch PBA and Grimm and Vikings and old movies, and surf the net. Caehl and I have our mom-and-son moments. We would discuss anything, or should I say, he “lectures” about anything – like what makes humans different, chemical elements, light years, constellation, life beyond Earth, solutions to light pollution, ironic photos. Caehl and I have the same brand of humor. We laugh together a lot, and we hug each other a lot. Sometimes, I wait for my husband to pick me up, and we would watch a movie or have dinner before going home. When he’s home early, I take comfort in listening to him on the keyboard, playing classical pieces. Although I seldom hang out with Cae since she started working, I look forward to spending time with her - eating out, shopping. And then there are my siblings, even if it means just exchanging Viber group messages. My sister-in-law. My niece. My nephews. My friends. My cooking. My writings. My bags. My Havs. These are my happy times. They are my happy place. And even if I tend to write less of them, it doesn’t mean they’re less important. Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

I wished I had left the computer running. Jill was right. There really was so much to write about.

-        from Writer’s Block, Pamela Acuña-Capiz, short fiction published in Celebrity World magazine

~

     ~TheGoodGirl 

The Long and Short of it

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

“Da, kung hindi kaya tayo nag-asawa agad, matagal kaya bago tayo nagpakasal?”

I playfully posed this question to my husband this morning on our way to the office. And he just replied with a laugh.

Our morning discussion was a result of my having mentioned some couples I know who have been together for more than 5 years, but have not gotten married. Some of them are not even engaged yet. And we know of the saying that if you have been going out for a long time, it’s either you end up in the altar, or you end up ending it. 

So how long should one wait? So what’s taking them long? Alex asked.

I don’t know, I said. Ganun ba talaga yun? How long does it take really for a guy to pop the question? Then I said, pero kasi, iba na ngayon. It’s not easy as it is to get married, even the proposal thing nowadays is an event in itself. Sobrang pinagiisipan pa kung paano. Yung mga weddings ngayon, hanep ang themes. Dati, motif lang ang issue. Now, you have to think of a gazillion of things. And the expectations from people, considering the time you’ve been together, they would think you have already saved up a lot. Dapat bongga. Dapat hindi basta-basta. Age has ceased to be a factor. Before, 30 is considered old or late to get married. Now, people get married beyond 30, say 34, 35. And there are some who wait a while before having children.

We got married (civil rites) when we were both 22. I won’t hide the fact that I was already pregnant with Cae then. So maybe, it wasn’t yet the right time for us. We were only going out for one and a half years. So maybe we were ahead of our time. I could have gone to law school. We could have waited a bit, or taken more time before taking the plunge. But at that time, there still was pressure. That was in the early 90s. Pag nabuntis, kasal agad ang option. Unlike now that you can forego getting married even if you have kids already.  People no longer judge you, or question these things. We had our church wedding 2 years later, when Cae was a year old. And she was even our flower girl. The wedding invitations were simple, our motif was pink and lilac. My gown was off the rack. My MUA was a gay friend (na noon, beautician pa ang tawag, or parlorista, kaloka). Our reception venue then was just a small restaurant and it’s closed now. My father-in-law paid for it. In short, it was just a simple ceremony. And after all, for the both of us, it was just a formality. This is why we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary/ies, but rather the day when we officially became a couple. I’ve always felt that it was on that day when I was married to him. I knew all along, even if we have known each other for just a short time that he was the man I would marry.

So, going back to my question, matagal kaya bago kami nagpakasal? Maybe not. Maybe, hindi rin. Nagbago kaya isip namin, having met a lot of people after college? Hindi naman siguro. Or maybe there would have been other parties. Ang ganda ko kaya. Maybe there would have been second thoughts. Pero kami pa rin siguro. Pwedeng naligaw ng landas. But we would have found our way back.

Alex wrote me a letter once that I am his first love and the last great love of his life. And he will choose me over and over again. This is way too early for an anniversary blog, but love is something to celebrate about. And the best day to celebrate love is every day.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~TheGoodGirl

Hello, February

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said...

And never explained.

And suddenly it’s mid-February.

I was alarmed when I visited my blog and realized I haven’t written since December, saying goodbye to 2014. Where did the time go? Anyare???

Let me see…in January, I got to see my high school batch mates (Liceo de San Pedro 1988)  in Hilda’s Luntiang Republika farm in Alfonso, Cavite. It was my first time to see Luz again, who’s been in Australia for a long time. It was as if nothing has changed. Two weeks later, I got reunited with my long-lost high school Statistics teacher, Sir Ven. It was great to see him after, what, more than 20 years. He’s still the same charming, generous, light-hearted teacher of mine. I got through Statistics, finding it easier than Geometry (which I almost flunked). Mean, median, mode. Frequency. Range. Sheez.  Being young, he was able to relate with us teenagers, tolerating our kakulitan, crushes, and childish ways. I remember buying this kind of paper used for this subject, which comes with either green or orange grid. Anyway, I’m glad it’s over now. I am not a numbers person and I will never be one.

Thank you, Sir Ven. I will see you again. I won’t forget the naughty sparkle in your eyes, when you teased me how spoiled I am by my husband. He said my energy matches, or balances my husband’s silent (or serious) demeanor.

In January, too, my daughter Cae started working. Oh my. I am now a mom to a working girl. At the start, she would complain about her (night) shift (her work hours until Feb something are 9pm-6am). She leaves the house around 6pm and gets to the office past 8pm. She gets home past 7am. She said she would die. Nak, don’t complain na, I told her. Ganyan talaga ang nagtratrabaho. Gusto mong magtrabaho eh. If anyone who works just mysteriously dies, I would have died a long time ago. I have tasted working since I was 17. And I am still as healthy as a horse. When she got her first paycheck, she gave me her ATM receipt. So this is how it feels. She still makes us proud, this daughter of mine. She says she has ranked first in the assessments twice in a row. I hope she keeps this up. Her dad says we have to keep on inspiring and coaching her, so she doesn’t get discouraged. Kuya Pogi, you’re in this, too. Thank you for being patient with her.

We were also lucky to have my Kuya spending the holidays with us. It’s been a year since he started working abroad. And for someone like me who’s glued to her siblings, being apart from him is really a big thing. I miss my Kuya a lot. On the day he was going back to the US, I was talking to him over the phone and it was difficult to fight away the tears. Take care always, Kuya. I love you so much.

Next is Caehl who topped the Spelling Bee and Quiz Bee for the Grades 1-3 level. Not that we were surprised. Stock knowledge, mommy, he would tell me. When his dad asked him, “Caehl, what were the words that were difficult to spell?” He said, “Uhmm, none.” He’s not being mayabang, mind you. He does not brag, he is just being himself. He thinks everyone thinks the same way like him. He thinks it’s normal to know about a lot of things. As a reward, he just asked for a lunch at Shakeys, a book and a DQ treat.

San Miguel Beermen finally got a championship. My Spiderman Arwind Santos was the Finals MVP.

Last month, too, I stood as one of the principal sponsors  in the wedding of my inaanak sa binyag, Kevin. He is my first godson. I remember it was after my college graduation in 1992. And it really was an honor and a pleasure to be invited as his ninang again.

In the workplace, it was nice to bond with my Sales and Marketing Group colleagues in Pico de Loro. Even though we were not able to enjoy the facilities owing to our hectic schedule (sayang ang bathing suit na dala ko), it was great to be in a carpool with 3 guys - Sir Rey, Bong and Marc. I was the only girl. We had a blast talking about ex’s. Walang laglagan, Sir Rey. Promise. But I had to share a question posed to me: Bakit nga ba kayong girls, ayaw ninyo kaming payagan kapag alam ninyong andun ang ex namin. Pero kayo, ok lang sa amin na pumunta kayo, kahit andun ang ex ninyo. Bakit nga ba? Hmmmmmm

I also celebrated my 19^th anniversary with the Company. Yes, 19 years. I love Insular Life. Need I say more?

As an update, I tip the scale at 118 lbs as we speak. What a journey it has been really. From 127 lbs to as heavy as 131 lbs in 2013 to early 2014. Then in the 2nd half of the year, I was down to 122...to 120. Aside from taking small meals, I quit drinking 3-in-1 coffee. I have an exercise routine. And there's CarbTrim. You may refer to my previous blog The Weighing Game on my weight loss story.

And now, it’s mid-February. I have been praying for something for the longest time. He Up there has not given in, and He has not given it to me. Maybe not yet. Or maybe not ever. I don’t know. It’s up to Him. He knows my heart’s desires but He also knows what’s good for TheGoodGirl.

At any rate, I hope things will be greater, not only for this month but for the entire year. 

~TheGoodGirl

I Write The Stories

I put the words and the melodies together

I am music and I write the songs...

-From "I Write The Songs," Barry Manilow

Photo acknowledgment: @landiandesign

Not a few ask me why I write sad pieces. “Tearjerker,” said Sir Lito. For a (supposed to be) funny girl like me, they find this perplexing.

I write about my amusing and sometimes, annoying van experiences in my Facebook account. I share them with you because some of you could relate to my stories, being regular van passengers too. These can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone. I just capture the situations as they happened and I am glad that I can entertain you. Some of you even tell me you look forward to my adventures every day. Honestly, I don’t come looking for those stories, they come to me. I was riding with my sister once and I was just too busy chatting with her, when a passenger approached the dispatcher, “Kuya, punong-puno na po ba talaga?” We burst into laughter.

What if it’s just puno, and not punong-puno, sasakay pa ba sya? Or bakit kelangang punong-puno, hindi ba pwedeng puno lang? See, I said to Lea, hindi ko na kasalanan yan ha. Nananahimik ako dito, nilalapitan talaga ko ng istorya.

I write about my son Caehl, and the amazing stories about him. Every day, there’s a new learning from him. And every day, he never fails to amaze me. I often say he looks like his dad, but every inch of him is just like me. His hunger for knowledge, his study habits, sense of humor and comic timing.  I may not admit it, but I think his persistence came from me, too. I can be importunate, too, you know. I would never give up on something even if it hurts me. Even if everybody else has given up on me.

I write about my daughter Cae, and the tales of my being a mom to her. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She has her temper, too, and down times, like me. But I will always be proud of her and I will always take note of the things she has achieved, which I have not.

I write about my husband, Alex – how we met, how we ended up together, and how we have spent the last 22 years of our life. Yes, we are not perfect, and we do have faults and failures as a couple. But we do celebrate our small victories, and we have stuck it out through the years. 

I write about being a daughter, and a sister. I will never run out of stories about my parents and siblings. Again, we may not be perfect but the love of this family is absolutely life’s greatest blessing to me. I am lucky to have them.

I write about being a friend. As you may know by now, I can be the most loyal person around. It’s difficult to send me away or shut me out. You may grow tired of me or refuse my love, but I will never ever leave you. I can just be a shoulder to cry on, I can listen to you without judgment, but if you ask for my opinion, I will gladly give it. If you want me to pray for you, I will. With nothing in return. Even if I am not always appreciated. That is how I am as a friend. You may be million miles away, we may not see each other that much - it does not matter. I am always here.

I write about my job and how I love the company I am working for – the many blessings I have received from it and how it loves me back. Loyalty may not always get you anywhere, but then again, I am not going anywhere.

I write about love and life’s lessons. True, they may not always be on the bright side, but that’s the way it is. If my writings make you cry, then cry. If they are sad, then maybe that’s the real picture I want to paint. Life is not always about laughter and joy. Even if we always shun negativity and sad things, they are always a part and parcel of our daily living. And we have to face that, so that we can cope and move on, go with the flow. We have to learn from our mistakes, and become better persons.

Why do people climb mountains? Because they’re there.

It’s the same thing with writers. It's how we live. And survive.

~TheGoodGirl

Words from TheGoodGirl: Black Hole

There are things that you keep
And things that you hide.
There's a difference between the two.
I used to keep your photos
Your messages
And phone calls,
Your touch
Your voice,
And all memories of you
In a special place where I thought they should be
Where I can always peek
Or go back to anytime.
I used to keep you
In my dreams
In my heart
In my life,
Where I thought you should rightfully belong.
But there are things best hidden
Or even thrown away.
And now I have made up my mind
To put them
Where they can no longer cause pain
Bitterness
And tears.
Where I can no longer retrieve them and
Where I can no longer return.
They don't matter anymore,
The same way you don't.

~TheGoodGirl

Where do broken hearts go?

"I remember everything. How you smelled, how you tasted like the summer. The feel of your skin against mine, and the sound of your whispers as I loved you...I am grateful for having at least found you. We could have flashed by one another like two pieces of cosmic dust...And all the philosophic rationalizations I can conjure up do not keep me from wanting you, every day, every moment, the merciless wail of time, of time I can never spend with you, deep within my head..." 

Robert Kincaid, The Bridges of Madison County

#Alabang forever without you...can't do anything about the gloom. It's how it is #talesofthegoodgirl http://instagram.com/p/utw3QImFMx/

The hardest part in a failed or hopeless relationship is picking up the pieces. Acceptance that it can never prosper or it’s not meant to be is one thing, fixing a broken heart is another.

I've had several relationships in the past and if someone will ask me if I would go through each one of them again, I think I would - except for The End part.

True, the mere thought of parting with someone you have gone out with, been involved with, been in love with and whom you have shared a part of your life with, is a thought that you wouldn't want to dwell on. It doesn't matter whether that person has been in your life for days, or months or years. It really doesn't matter. Breaking up and - breaking your heart - is really a most painful thing to go through.

The thought of losing that person, "unattaching" or "disengaging" or "separating" yourself from the person and the relationship itself is simply unthinkable. I have always been a survivor of heartaches and failed relationships and I always tell myself that sulking for a while, crying for a while and being miserable for a while is all a part of it. You are entitled to it, after all. Afterwards, you move on. Life goes on.  But before that "liberation" part is the process of "disentangling", the process of letting go and letting be. And it could be the bloodiest part of all. Just thinking of saying goodbye, missing that person, living your life without him stops you. You tell yourself you can still endure a few more heartaches with him, continue to be miserable with him. That even though you've had enough and you want to end it all, the thought of going through the parting process holds you back.

For me, the heart being broken part is actually the hardest part of all, one thing that you don't want to go through again and again because the pain is simply unbearable. I, for one, have always been a person who gives it all in loving somebody. I don't hold back, I don't believe in loving halfway. I fall in love unconditionally and I always invest so much, emotionally, in a relationship. That is why the separation pangs are enough to kill me. I've lost persons I love, and let go of relationships. I've cried many times shamelessly and I've gone through a lot. This is the reason why I know how hard it is and I know I don't want to feel the same pain over and over again. Sometimes, even if I want to put an end to a relationship, what stops me is the thought of going through this merciless process. It's a kind of hurting that sometimes you feel your heart cannot take it any longer. And how the heart continues to endure this is a fact that continues to amaze me up to this very minute.

But yes, Whitney, even broken hearts can find their way home.

~TheGoodGirl

Something's Gotta Give

Erica Barry: I don't want my bearings. I've had my bearings my whole goddamn life. I feel something with you I never really knew existed. Do you know what that's like, after a 20-year marriage to feel something for another person that is so...? That... Oh, Right. Right. Not your problem. God. Do you know that I've written this, but I never really got it? Do you know what this is?

- Something's Gotta Give (2003)

Do you have, or have you had, a “eureka” or “a-ha!” moment?

Mine comes in the form of goosebumps.

I get goosebumps when I suddenly feel something life-changing, when I discover something, when I make up my mind to do something, when I finally say “This is it”, when I snap myself out of something, like when I've had enough and that has got to stop, I have to give it up, let it go or I have to move on. Something’s gotta give. Hell, yeah.

This is the signal I usually get when I have to make an important decision, and it’s not always a calm or serene moment. Sometimes there’s a war going on inside me and I don’t know which option to take or path to choose. Sometimes it takes a while before I say, “Ok, that’s it,” like a director yelling “Pack up” to his crew.

That’s the moment when there’s a tingling, hair-raising, prickly feeling that’s telling me something. I admit that it’s taken me quite a while to finally pay attention to the goosebumps. They've been popping up for sometime but I would always ignore them. But they are too frequent to overlook. There have been signs everywhere, without me asking for it. I knew that it was too good to be true, it cannot continue forever, and that something would happen sooner or later.

And I think this is it.

I’m going back to purple. And I think I will cry first.

~TheGoodGirl

Image from: http://www.jackasscritics.com/images/movies/somethings_gotta_give_02.jpg