Lost and Found

“Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.” 

― Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

Thank you for everything, and for the inspiration behind this blog.

(I have not been blogging for quite some time. Aside from being busy, I just couldn’t seem to find an appropriate topic. Ironic though that when I finally did have a topic – it’s about loss.)

A loss is something I do not want to write about. Unless it is weight loss. Kidding aside, if there’s one topic which I don’t look forward to write about or that I find difficult to be objective about, it is on loss of a loved one or losing someone you love. I just cannot be detached from the topic. And even if I want to write about it and share my experience, I would keep on postponing it or setting it aside. Hey, it is a downer topic. Nobody wants to read about sadness. Or pain. The same way that I do not want to be reminded of people whom I have lost – be it because of death, separation, or relationship breakup. And when I do get to write about it, I wear my heart on my sleeve, embarrassingly opening my soul to everyone.

So many poems and love songs have been written about losing someone you love (Taylor Swift, are you listening?). Loss is real. Grief is real.  (A) loss is a deep personal experience. We all have our own share of losing someone and we all have our own coping mechanisms, and maybe there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. If you have ever lost someone – parent, spouse, sibling, child, friend, a pet even - you would know how it feels and how it tears you apart. The pain, the guilt, the bitterness, the mourning, the yearning, the struggle.  Enduring it is one thing, forgetting and moving on is another. A good friend, Jannette, even said, “(There is) no alternative. Wala kang choice. You cannot run away from it. Wala kasing kapalit yung nawala mo. There is no replacement (of the loss). Talagang pagdudusahan mo.” There is no other way to put it. You really have to go through it. Walang short-cut. There is no immediate cure, you will really have to help yourself to heal. Well, there would be other people to help you out or to support you. But in the end, only you can say that “Kaya ko ito, I will be ok.”

Cry if you have to. Grieve. Mourn. But the most important thing is, you rise above the pain. Nothing is permanent. Nothing stays. But hope endures and faith remains. Tough times don't last, but tough people do. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Everything will be all right in the end. Maybe not this moment, maybe not today, or tomorrow. But someday. That day will come. Even though the process may be slow or may take a long time, the day will come that the wounds will heal. It may not make you forget totally, but at least, in the end, time will help you forget the pain that came with the loss. When a bad thing happens, such as a loss, they say that you have three choices – you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. It’s really up to you. Let go of things that hinder your growth, or happiness, or freedom. Free yourself. Let go of feelings that won’t help. Focus on the good and positive. Find yourself. And always remember and live the lessons learned from the loss.

“Scars mean you fought. Wrinkles mean you lived. Heartache means you loved.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo 

~TheGoodGirl