Paparap papa (For Papa on Fathers' Day 2017)

(Author's Note: This blog was originally published last June 18, 2012. Re-posting it for Father's Day 2017 with updates / edits.)

The latest #LoveKitaPa video of McDonald’s Philippines on Father’s Day reminded me so much of my father. Yes, dads have this unique and remarkable trait of waiting patiently, no matter what. And I had the honor and pleasure of having such a dad. My siblings and I were hatid-sundo most of our lives. I will never forget how he would pick us up after school activities or parties, waiting outside and never at all complaining. How he would bring me to basketball practices and games, and he would just be at the sidelines, waiting for me while I was busily swooning over Alvin Patrimonio, Allan Caidic, Jojo Lastimosa, Glenn Capacio, Hector Calma, and the rest of the national team players. And of course, he was my favorite buddy at the ULTRA, watching Ginebra games, Jawo fans eh! My friends have not forgotten this, either. And even if I was already married and we didn't have a car yet, he would still drop me off at the office or at the airport when I have official trips. 

When I was a teenage girl, I suffered from severe dysmenorrhea (painful menstrual periods). If you are a female and you’re having it or you used to have it, then I don’t have to explain. If you’re a male, you don’t want to hear or know about it, just understand and sympathize.

The cramps used to wake me up at night. I would lie awake in cold sweat. Sometimes, the pain would be accompanied by diarrhea or just the urge to poop but once you’re sitting on the toilet, namimilipit sa sakit, wala naman.

I would crawl my way to my parents’ bedroom, and rouse my father from sleep. He didn’t have to ask what was going on. He would just lead me back to our room, go to the kitchen, and come back with a hot water bottle. I would place it on my abdomen and try to go back to sleep. Oh yes, I would finally sleep like a log, but the person I woke up would still be awake, watching over me.

I'm married with two kids and my dysmenorrhea has disappeared a long time ago. But I will never get tired of telling this story.

For almost seven years now, I’ve been fatherless. People out there whose dads have passed away can relate to this feeling. Nakakamiss di ba? Sometimes, as I walk home, I would suddenly remember him, or something would remind me of him, and para akong tanga na naiiyak sa daan. Sometimes, just before falling asleep at night, especially if I have problems, or something made me feel bad, I would suddenly think of him and cry. Like now. 

Oh no, my father was not perfect, I wasn’t a perfect daughter, either. I wasn’t able to give him the satisfaction of having a lawyer for a daughter, and maybe I will never be a lawyer. I’m sorry for that, Papa. But I can never be like you, you were exceptional and one of a kind.

Wherever you are now, I hope you’re at peace. Sa heaven, wala raw beer hehehe and sa heaven, hindi kailangan ng abogado (kasi mababait na ang mga nandyan). Wala ring komedyante siguro diyan (kasi masasaya ang mga nandyan). Kaya wala kang trabaho diyan hahaha

I love you, Papa and I miss you so much. I may not have painful periods anymore but I still wish you were here with me, because there are pains that simply wouldn’t go away…

Happy Father's Day to all fathers!

~TheGoodGirl