Where do broken hearts go?

"I remember everything. How you smelled, how you tasted like the summer. The feel of your skin against mine, and the sound of your whispers as I loved you...I am grateful for having at least found you. We could have flashed by one another like two pieces of cosmic dust...And all the philosophic rationalizations I can conjure up do not keep me from wanting you, every day, every moment, the merciless wail of time, of time I can never spend with you, deep within my head..." 

Robert Kincaid, The Bridges of Madison County

#Alabang forever without you...can't do anything about the gloom. It's how it is #talesofthegoodgirl http://instagram.com/p/utw3QImFMx/

The hardest part in a failed or hopeless relationship is picking up the pieces. Acceptance that it can never prosper or it’s not meant to be is one thing, fixing a broken heart is another.

I've had several relationships in the past and if someone will ask me if I would go through each one of them again, I think I would - except for The End part.

True, the mere thought of parting with someone you have gone out with, been involved with, been in love with and whom you have shared a part of your life with, is a thought that you wouldn't want to dwell on. It doesn't matter whether that person has been in your life for days, or months or years. It really doesn't matter. Breaking up and - breaking your heart - is really a most painful thing to go through.

The thought of losing that person, "unattaching" or "disengaging" or "separating" yourself from the person and the relationship itself is simply unthinkable. I have always been a survivor of heartaches and failed relationships and I always tell myself that sulking for a while, crying for a while and being miserable for a while is all a part of it. You are entitled to it, after all. Afterwards, you move on. Life goes on.  But before that "liberation" part is the process of "disentangling", the process of letting go and letting be. And it could be the bloodiest part of all. Just thinking of saying goodbye, missing that person, living your life without him stops you. You tell yourself you can still endure a few more heartaches with him, continue to be miserable with him. That even though you've had enough and you want to end it all, the thought of going through the parting process holds you back.

For me, the heart being broken part is actually the hardest part of all, one thing that you don't want to go through again and again because the pain is simply unbearable. I, for one, have always been a person who gives it all in loving somebody. I don't hold back, I don't believe in loving halfway. I fall in love unconditionally and I always invest so much, emotionally, in a relationship. That is why the separation pangs are enough to kill me. I've lost persons I love, and let go of relationships. I've cried many times shamelessly and I've gone through a lot. This is the reason why I know how hard it is and I know I don't want to feel the same pain over and over again. Sometimes, even if I want to put an end to a relationship, what stops me is the thought of going through this merciless process. It's a kind of hurting that sometimes you feel your heart cannot take it any longer. And how the heart continues to endure this is a fact that continues to amaze me up to this very minute.

But yes, Whitney, even broken hearts can find their way home.

~TheGoodGirl

The pain that won’t go away

Image from http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-enter-the-red-room-of-pain/

Sometimes there’s an ache that’s not physical but you can almost feel it just the same. And it won’t disappear.  It won’t go away.

Sometimes the pain is called love. The kind that is not reciprocated. The kind that is oh so one way or one-sided. The kind that is unrequited. The kind that is not appreciated by the recipient.

In a previous blog, when my daughter Caitlin was younger, I wrote that I dreaded the day she falls in love and feels the first pain.

Just over lunch yesterday, I was standing by the pantry window and joked that I would stay there until my Prince Charming comes along.  And they said that I would probably wait there for a long time. Moral: Ang hirap maghintay ng Prince Charming talaga.

Why is love so elusive? What makes it elusive? And even if you have found it, sometimes it turns out that it’s not meant for you. And it’s even more heartbreaking - knowing that you can’t have the person. I think it was James Patterson who wrote that “What’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” 

But someone else put it perfectly. “A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”

And meanwhile, a teen actress said, “Love should be precious, not painful.”

Sometimes, in my Facebook newsfeed, I see posts which one can easily decode as the person “being in love” and I would tell myself,  “Naku, masasaktan lang ito.”

• Hindi ka niya type.
• Friend-zoned.
• He/she doesn’t see you as anyone except as a friend.
• Parang kayo pero parang hindi.  
• Parang gusto ka niya pero parang hindi.
• Gusto ka niya pero hindi puwede.
• Minsan gusto ka niya, pero madalas hindi.
• Akala mo lang gusto ka niya.
• He/she likes you but he/she has someone else. 
• Or he/she likes somebody else.
• May iba na siya.
• He/she only remembers you when he/she needs something.
• Back-up ka lang. Reserba. Sideline. Raket.
• Ayaw ka na niya. Dati, oo. Ngayon, hindi na.
• Hindi talaga ubra. Hindi talaga puwede. Kahit pagbali-baligtarin mo man ang mundo.

There are pains that just won’t go away. And you are left with two choices. Accept that they have no (medical) treatments and

1. make them go away by walking away or
2. endure the pain.

It’s really up to you.

Because, as said in the novel Kill me Softly, “…if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.”

~TheGoodGirl

Author's Disclaimer: I just write about love and relationships. Please don't ask if this is about me :)

You may want to read:

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/122790

http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/16800