“It’s an odd thing. Parents dwell on what they couldn’t give. And children dwell on what they couldn’t get.” – Geum Myeong
Netflix’s #WhenLifeGivesYouTangerines gives us a lot to ponder on.
As a parent, we always want to give the best to our children, offer them comfort and convenience in almost everything, even if it means working so hard that your brains and butt couldn’t tell which is which. Whether you are an employee or run your own business, there are a lot of times you want to retreat and surrender, but you don’t. In fact, you even end up giving up a lot of things for their sake, to be able to keep this up – your youth, your time, even your own dreams. Because theirs matter more to you than yours. Because as parents, it is our role and obligation.
Not that I am complaining, we’re all in this for the long haul. I’ve been a parent since I was 23. I’m just saying that parents may not be always perfect, or we may not be able to give our children everything, but we try, and we will always do our best. We may not be the “best” parents for them, but we try to be. When you see them throw tantrums, or they seem sad or discontented or annoyed with you for some reason, when they get mad at you and they don’t seem to appreciate their life and the things you do for them, when you hear them whine or worry or look for things that they don’t have, or what you can’t give, it hurts a lot. But as a parent, would you fight back? Would you tell or show them that you’re hurt? Would they care? You just take it all in. Maybe our children will never know that side of parenthood until they become parents themselves.
Speaking for myself and my own experience, I have been working since I was 17 and battling against health issues, I decided to retire in 2022 at age 51. I have a few regrets after this humbling chapter of my life (but that’s another story), but I must live with that decision. If I were only living for myself, the retirement fund I received would be enough for my k-vices and “luxurious indulgences.” To translate in Filipino: Na kung ako lang at sarili ko lang iintindihin ko at aasikasuhin, at wala na ko ibang pagkakagastusan, ok na ko sa milyones ko.
But as my youngest son is still studying, I thought an extra income as a consultant would be nice. Leaving my comfort zone, which I thoroughly enjoyed for 2 years (no alarm clock in the morning, watching k-drama all day and all night, going out and to the mall anytime I want), I went back to work – and lost my time freedom again.
In the same year, our lives changed when my son entered college, and we had to move to QC and rent a place, again giving up the comforts of my home where I just had to set up my laptop and log out after 8 hours, nap and wake up, with my 2 helpers doing the household chores. Lunch and dinner are ready, laundry sorted and done, rooms cleaned - the works. Here, I have to multi-task – working at home is literally work and at the same time, tackle cleaning/cooking/etc. Expenses are double, too – Meralco, water, food and groceries. My helpers still get paid but I don’t hahaha Sometimes I resent being in this situation, but since I was the one who made the decision to stay with my son, I cannot grumble forever. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes it can be very challenging, especially for someone like me with mental and physical health limitations, I just pray that I will stay healthy and strong (and employed) for a long time to sustain this setup.
But yes, if there are pains, there are gains, too. Don’t get me wrong. Parenting and parenthood involve not just challenges, but joys and rewards too. I have my share. And they outnumber the down times. In the same episode of WLGYT, the lead /mom AeSun said: “I found happiness in my own way. There was sunshine in my life too. I’ve had so many picture-perfect moments. I just want you to acknowledge that my life was worthwhile too.”
If I have regrets, those are mine and my issues alone. I may have sacrificed a few personal wants and needs, but I will never take these against my children.
To my two treasures: I just want you to be more understanding and patient (also me: perimenopause, anxiety and panic attacks, depression, mood swings, irritability, and other signs of aging hahaha).
I’ll be 54 this year and even so, I am still being given tangerines, still learning every day, trying to be a better person every day, trying to guide you every day, praying for you every day – and praying to be with you as much as I can, as longer as I can, every day.
#talesofthegoodgirl
