Someone to WATCH over me

SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME

Was I being sentimental for choosing a watch over a more practical package, as a retirement token? Was I being foolish?

When I saw what's inside, I fell in love instantly. No regrets. What a beauty! 💜 I am so happy! 😍

26 years

4 months

26 days

Almost half of my life

#ForeverGrateful to you Insular Life 💙🧡 thank you, HR!!! Alam na alam ang color ko! 💜

#OMEGAMyChoice 

#SeamasterAquaTerra  #talesofthegoodgirl

If I Never Met You...

"Don't worry for not being with us in the beginning, the day you found us is the day we debuted for you..."  - Min Yoongi 😻 

BTS has been around for 9 years but as they say, you will find them at the right time. True enough, they came into my life when I needed them the most. I was struggling with my health issues early 2021. At that time, I didn't know what was happening to me, going back and forth to doctors. In the meantime, I started to have cardio workouts with their music, got acquainted with their danceable hits, and I just thought, ililigtas nitong mga batang ito ang buhay ko. I never thought there would be mornings na pasayaw-sayaw ako with Dionysus or Boy with Luv or Mic Drop 😄

Tita, sino ung may green na mic sa BTS. Napopogihan ako, I found myself telling my Army sister. Took a while before I could tell who is who, parang magkakamukha silang lahat, you get my drift...Pag walang green mic, d ko na makilala ung napopogihan ko. Then, after a while, ahhh iba yung mata. And that sealed the luv affair. Yes, it was V (Taehyung).

Then I was diagnosed with AD and MDD. I was plunging into darkness, falling into the dark side. But still, there they were, pulling me out. And for this, I will forever be grateful. BTS does not know it, but they really saved my life just by being BTS. Their music, their presence, their talent, their good looks, their values, what they stand for...their humor, the closeness, the positivity and loving yourself...it's been a while since NKOTB na nagbuhos ako ng panahon to a band...and I just kept on being saved.

Never mind if I came in late. Ok lang. Ok na ko dun. 

Thank you kahit sandali pa lang akong Army. Purple became more meaningful to me. Sobra-sobra na ang ginawa ninyong pagsagip sa buhay ko. Yung keeping me sane and mentally safe during the pandemic...how you took me out of the dark many times...yun lang sapat na. Na I even got to meet fellow Armys, keber na sa age hahaha

Making us proud with your achievements (Blue House, UN, White House), yung journey ninyo over the years. Ibang klase. Pag pinapanuod ko sila, naiisip ko, hindi ba sila napapagod? Hindi naman na sila mga teenager para humataw nang ganun hahaha yung PTD concert lang eh...Hindi ba sila nagsasawa? Yung halos araw araw, ganun ang ginagawa nila? So ayun na nga...napapagod nga rin sila...

But they are doing this beautifully...gumawa na sila ng marami para marami tayong baon while they're pursuing their dreams individually...

Si Proof pa lang (na akala ko magkakaworld tour na uli)...

Looking forward to their solo albums, solo projects...Wooga Squad!!!

Finding the balance between whom we wish to be and whom we need to be. Ibigay na natin sa kanila. Sabi nga, if you want to find the trail, if you want to find yourself, you must explore your dreams alone...perhaps this is what they need at this point.

I wasn't with them in the beginning

But I will be, until the end and

For the rest of my life...

And this I think is more important to me 😭

Run free, boys...

Don't worry...when you look back, you will find us just right behind you...

#talesofthegoodgirl

Para kay Ms P

 Para Kay Ms. P

(SORRY baka may hindi ako na-tag)

My last working week in InLife...

Happy and sad at the same time 🎭

I am comforted with the thought that during my 26 years of service, I did my best and gave my 💯% even  at my lowest and darkest hours. At marami pala ang nagmamahal sa akin.

Salamat sa lahat ng colleagues turned friends and sa mga kaproject team ko, former bosses and my last boss na I am blessed to have, sa final leg ng career ko, for the send-off, for the physical gifts, and most of all, for the gift of love, laughter and friendship. Ulit-ulitin ko, no goodbyes, just see you around. Pinaiyak nyo ko bigtime 😭😭😭

Employee 26179 signing off #talesofthegoodgirl 💙🧡

Rocky Road

“Our bodies are our gardens – our wills are our gardeners.”

When I had my Annual Physical Exam (APE) last December 2021, there were red flags all over my laboratory results. So I had to visit / consult my army of “ists” – first my psychiatrist and second, my endocrinologist. True enough, the medications I have been taking for more than a year now have been “interacting” inside and my body is a wonderland.

My psychiatrist recommended to taper off my anti-depressants. She lowered the dose from 60mg to 30mg (but yeah, to my chagrin, same price regardless), take them for a month; afterwards, take every other day and after 15 days, stop. We cannot quit cold turkey, she said. It must be gradual, in order to ease the withdrawals and help my body adjust.

My endocrinologist checked the results one by one and told me that this is a result of this, and that is a result of that. While she said that she is not interfering with my other doctors’ prescribed medicines, she would be happy if I’d reduce, if not eliminate some of them. Tell your psychiatrist, she said. Ganda naman ng aura mo, Pam, she even told me. Kawawa naman ang liver mo.

And I was gaining weight, too. All these meds are really messing up my body, while making me well?

The dutiful patient as always, I followed their instructions to the dot. I had rough and tough times, but I would attribute it to my usual feelings of tiredness, my monthly period, and hormones (perimenopausal na raw hahaha). Until I started to really feel weird. And awful. I would still validate this with my psych but I saw an article in Mayo Clinic which describes how quitting anti-depressants would affect a patient.

And guess what, I got 9 out of 10. No, 9.5 (no chills multiplying). So I wasn’t making things up. What I have been going through has a clinical basis or explanation. I am so sorry for being irritable, for being a Drama Queen sometimes.  I always feel sleepy because of lack of sleep the night before. Then I would feel like throwing up, or the world is spinning. Then the headaches. The unannounced tears. To the point that I would be labeled as a spoilsport or KJ for getting tired easily. For not exercising enough. For not having physical activities enough. And my family would think that I was just saying, Pagod ako, when in fact, it was all too real. Wala na raw sila narinig sa akin kundi Pagod ako. There is even a symptom that I couldn’t describe, it’s like a zing of electricity shooting down your spine or chest, throughout your body. And there it was, on the list. Electric shock sensations. See, I am not making things up!

I also was advised by my psych to sign up for a 9-Sunday Mindful Self Compassion (MSC) workshop. MSC was developed by Christopher K. Germer, PhD, leader in the integration of mindfulness and psychotherapy, and Kristin Neff, PhD, pioneering researcher in the field of self-compassion. MSC combines the skills of mindfulness and self-compassion, providing a powerful tool for emotional resilience. I have been sacrificing family time and Sunday activities for this, but it is to help me cope without medication and to avoid relapse. This is free of charge to us patients and friends of Recovery Hub by Metro Psychiatry Inc. if we commit to finish until the 9^th Sunday. The meditations and some of the practices (soothing touch, words of affirmation, etc) taught to us have been very helpful. You just have to have presence of mind all the time, wag mataranta pag andyan na si AA (anxiety attack). Wag papatalo.

Actually, my anxiety disorder, I can manage as much as I can, because I already am familiar with the triggers and the signs. I just have to be alert. And after 20-30 minutes, especially if you were given the chance to rest and sleep for a while, mawawala na and you’re back to your daily grind. But my DD (depressive disorder), ito ang medyo mahirap to control and to predict.

Between the two, depression is scarier. You cannot stop the suicidal thoughts entering your mind. Depressive episodes stay longer, and they drain you so much. Sometimes, you don’t feel like resuming your normal activities, you just want to lie down and sleep for days. Most of the times I would curl up in my bed and cry for no reason. Sometimes, I would feel like vandalizing our walls, draw lines and whatever with a pentel pen. Sometimes, I want to hurt myself just to make me feel better. Weird? Yes. So don’t self-diagnose, folks. Seek professional help so you would know what to do. And to everyone, always be kind and patient to people like us. Ayaw rin namin ng ganito. Sabi nga ng iba, Pam, wag ka na manuod ng mga stressful films / series, LOL. Favorite ko pa naman mga thrillers, killer killer hahahaha And as my son Caehl would tell me, Mommy, hindi ko na alam ang nangyayari sa iyo.

#talesofthegoodgirl

To know more about MSC, you may visit https://self-compassion.org/the-program/

From https://info.totalwellnesshealth.com/blog/25-quotes-about-wellness-your-employees-need-to-hear

If you listen to your body when it whispers, you won’t have to hear it scream.

Create healthy habits, not restrictions.

Self love is the greatest medicine.

Your life only gets better when you do. Work on yourself and the rest will follow.

Believe you can and you’re halfway there.

The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.

Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t and start loving yourself for everything you already are.

Embrace and love your body. It is the most amazing thing you’ll ever own.

Be patient with yourself. Nothing in nature blooms all year.

You are your only limit.

Don’t let your mind bully your body.

You are what you eat, so don’t be fast, cheap, easy or fake.

The difference between who you and who you want to be is what you do.

If you don’t take care of your body, where are you going to live?

It’s not about being the best. It’s about being better than you were yesterday.

Don’t wait until you’ve reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching that goal.

The body achieves what the mind believes.

You don’t get what you wish for. You get what you work for.

If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself.

Think about what could go right.

Push harder than yesterday if you want a different tomorrow.

A year from now, you’ll wish you had started today.

The fact that you aren’t where you want to be should be enough motivation.

Strength doesn’t come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.

Become a priority in your life.

The Journey Within (March 2)

Had my anxiety attack this morning while in the office, one thing na kinatatakutan ko mangyari.

Twas after my first meeting, towards my 2nd. Nararamdaman ko na siya and pinipigilan ko sana. I didn't want to create a scene.

But I had to let go kasi nahihirapan na ko. I knew it was serious when I felt hot tears running down my face. Good thing I brought my anxiety ease inhaler and my handy electric fan dahil hindii na ko makahinga. Couldn't take my meds at baka ako makatulog sa office, nakakahiya.

Salamat po sa lahat ng nagpakita ng concern #anxietyattacksucks #depressionsucks

This photo was taken just before my episode...sino magsasabing after a while eh magkakaganun ako. Mahirap po talaga intindihin #mentalhealthmatters #talesofthegoodgirl

#SuperSeniorAdulting101

Task: Cancellation/Release of Mortgage

Hanap ng parking sa kalsada pagdating sa building, ituturo ka ng guard sa kabilang side para magpanumber. Kaya kung galing ka na sa kabila nung una, mga 2x ka tatawid sa J.P. Rizal St.

Pagdating mo sa tent, eto na ang Step 1. Get a number. Kung malas-malas kang late dumating, sa bandang likod makakatabi mo ang mga manok at bibe sa tent. Mabilis naman, isa nga lang ang processor...kung dalawa sila, siguro mas mabilis. Nakakalibang naman kasi may naliligo pang mama sa tabi, sige sarap ng buhos ng tabo if complete ang docs (syempre nagresearch na ko sa website ng LRA no, kaya minus one form na ko ), bigyan ka ng number at dalawa pang forms. Then tawid ka na uli.

Step 2. Ipakita ang number and accomplished forms sa guard. Intaying tawagin ka. Lumayo sa maiingay mag-usap. Kasi di mo maririnig pag tinawag ka na. May monoblock chairs naman at tent uli.

Step 3. Pag tinawag ka na, submit sa RIO officer lahat ng papeles. Then labas ka na uli, tatawagin ka na lang daw uli. (First case nilang Release of Mortgage daw ako for the day, yes naririnig ko usapan nila, and of all towns/cities in Laguna, nagulat sila na San Pedro. Bakit kaya magulo raw sa San Pedro. Wait, what?!!

Step 4. PAMELA! Ayun, akyat daw ako at hanapin si Eugene.

May pinapirmahan. (Kayo po nagpanotaryo? Pakicheck po kung tama yung details.

D ko na po titignan yung pinanotaryo kasi kabisado ko na po - Doc No, Page No, Book No, Series of sa kakatitig ko. Pipirma na po ako. Natawa si Sir Eugene).

Step 5. Pay sa cashier

Step 6. Balik kay Sir Eugene sa Window 2 for the receipt. Then bibigyan ka ng instructions kung kelan, saan, paano, ano at sino (dinagdag ko lang ito 4W and 1H bilang ako ay isang journalism major ). Please claim registered documents in a month. Yes, March 28 po. If you want to track it, may QR code. O ha.

A little over two hours transacting and waiting time, pwede na rin. Good job, RD Calamba. Pero sana bigyan naman tayo ng maganda-gandang waiting lounge. Dito wala ring senior or PWD lane, lahat pantay lang. Walang mayaman ako lang yata may dalang electric fan di bale, akin na akin na po ang #9 L. Santos Street #talesofthegoodgirl

P.S. thank you sa boss ko na pinayagan ako magleave and for our HR sa documents

 

50 Shades of Grate(ful)

 

At 50

Behind you, all your memories.

Before you, all your dreams.

Around you, all those who love you.

Within you, all you need.

 

With all of life's trials and tribulations behind you,

enjoy all the dues you've paid,

relax, smell the flowers and appreciate the finer things in life.

 

And yes, just like that, I am 50. But with only one or two, perhaps a maximum of three grey strands of hair. No reason (and I don’t want) to dye or color my hair, which is naturally straight and black. Lucky me.

At 50, I may not have everything, my life is not perfect, but you don’t need everything, and you don’t have to be perfect to be happy. I used to think I deserve this or that, but I guess that’s being arrogant. I was taught a painful and heart-breaking lesson. Sometimes, even if you think you have become smarter, you still make silly mistakes. I am so humbled. I may not be in perfect health, but I’m doing alright. I am getting by. And I am so thankful for the many people who have reached out to me, supported me, opened themselves to me, shared their lives with me, and admired me for being honest and real, and for being an inspiration. I shall continue to be true to myself and share that side of me with you, if only to inspire people, and to make a difference or touch one’s life. I only have a few close and good friends, but I don’t need a lot, as I realized.

There's so much to thank for, so much to remember and be happy for. Thank You, Lord, for my family (buong barangay, Acuña Capiz Monterola Baguiao Gilson), my husband and two beautiful children, my household, and my friends and loved ones. Thank You for the good health, and for keeping us safe and together. Thank You for my job. Thank You, Lord for everything, for Your infinite blessings, for all the opportunities that came and will come my way. Some of my prayers remained unanswered, I know now why. You sent me something else, and gave me more, more than I deserved.

Thank you to the people who have been a part of my journey. I may have lost some, but I am a winner in more ways than one. I found some a little bit late but I will always take comfort in the belief that you meet the people you're supposed to, when the time is right.

Thank you for all the reasons why I am happy and grateful. For the gift of laughter, for my gift of gab, for my sense of humor, for my kakikayan. For my faith, hope and love. For the kindness and generous spirit instilled in me. For my doctors. For K-Drama. For BTS. For my LV bags. For my bucket hats. And all my favorite things. For Your love, my Lord. Happy Birthday to me! 

Thank you for coming into my life. I always believed in the goodness of things, and that there is something good in every thing that happens. Thank you for being the best thing. When I think of this, I thank God and I can only think of happiness, and gratitude. And my heart is full of joy.

#talesofthegoodgirl