Staking my claim

Last Saturday, I joined Alex in one of his becoming-too-frequent trips to Mauban, Quezon. Just last month, he checked out his katiwala’s piggery that I was not able to attend an officemate’s wedding. I don’t want to pre-empt this though, so I’ll leave him to do the talking through his Multiply site.

 

Actually, this trip is only my fourth. The first one was in 1995; Cae has just turned a year old then. The second, I can’t remember if it was the following year but it was when the country hosted the APEC and we laborers had a long week-end or so. Remember when villas were being constructed in Subic for each of the 18 heads of state? That’s it.

 

Anyway, I remember making that trip with Alex and Tita Panching via JAC Liner. In Lucena, we took another bus ride to Mauban for almost two hours. But it seemed like eternity because the roads then were bumpy and dusty, and the bus had no air-conditioning. I think I had to cover my hair with a bandanna and Tita Panching was nauseous most of the time. Who wouldn’t be? And yeah, I think that road experience spoiled my appetite for Mauban from then on, that Alex would either go alone (or with Tita Panching) when he had to.

 

The third was only last year. It was a rainy day. Pabalik-balik kami sa palayan, sa binhi dealer, then to his aunt’s villa then to the palayan again after a nap in the villa. I had to stay inside the car the rest of the afternoon, listening to Hale. Afterwards, we went to Sampaloc, the next town, to purchase the “binhi” because Alex was told we could get a good deal there.

 

The road seemed endless once again. It took us an hour back and forth. Ang dilim pa nung nag-CR ako which pissed me off. The ride home was even darker. As in walang poste ng Meralco. Buti na lang Alex is comfortable driving in the dark (ako, hindi ko kaya). Kakaloka. I think the only time I uttered a word was when we stopped over at Max’s (sa Tayabas nga ba yun, Dadi?) to have dinner. Sabi ni Alex, mukhang pagod na pagod na daw ako. And mind you, pasahero lang ako nito ha, eh di lalo na siya na driver pa?

 

So parang in a way, na-trauma na naman ako pagpunta dun. As mentioned, Alex’s trip to Mauban became more frequent, especially when the palayan became a reality. Nagugulat ako sa kanya pag pumupunta siya dun na balikan, driving alone for 4 hours papunta, and another 3 ½ to 4 hours pabalik, especially when Tita Panching doesn’t feel well and couldn’t come with him.

 

This recent trip of mine was a result of many reasons (majority are selfish reasons actually). But even I was surprised that I was looking forward to it. I didn’t mind getting up early on a Saturday morning and I was praying for a sunny day. The trip was quicker than I expected. It was my first time to see the “kamalig” built to serve as rice stockroom, and of course, the pig pen. It was also my first time to meet his katiwala’s family, and to finally put a face to the names of some Mauban folks na sa kuwento ko lang naririnig before.

 

Ilan na ba ang anak ninyo? I was asked thrice. “Ah dalawa na ba?” “Ah, magfi-fifteen na ba panganay ninyo? Eh parang bagong kasal lang kayo.” Ngek.

 

I admit there was a time that I used to treat these undertakings as Alex’s alone. I remember telling him, “Basta, Dadi, make sure that our finances don’t get affected. Hindi tayo mayaman (to venture into such projects).”

 

Hindi naman talaga. Well, the properties were inherited, but the money that goes into these projects is ours. Salaried employees lang din naman kami and I’d like to set things straight. What Alex earns, combined with mine, see us through from one payday to another. Lahat ng matitipid, titipirin. Lahat ng kinikita, galing sa utak, dugo at pawis. If there are sidelines coming his way (although not enough para yumaman kami), thank God, but the earnings don’t go to frivolous or senseless stuff. All our expenses are thought of and well considered. Wala nga kaming savings kung tutuusin. So you could just imagine yung feeling na parang nagdagdag pa kami ng pagkakagastusan.

 

Yet, this time, I knew the feeling is different.

Pagtapak ko sa lupa, I felt with all my heart that it was ours. Not his, not mine. But ours. I could only feel pride for my husband who has been working real hard for this, despite setbacks. I know and I'm certain that this is not just for him nor for me but for us and for Caitlin and Caehl.

The trip was still a long one but it seemed shorter. The roads were still dark but I saw everything in a new light. The comfort rooms were not a “comfort” at all but I didn’t mind. Standing by the kamalig’s window, iba yung simoy ng hangin, and even the moving clouds caught my attention.

 

Alex doesn’t know this yet but from now on, I stake my claim on everything. If there was a time that I was indifferent or selfish or complacent even, that was then. I think it’s about time I assert my right. And I’ll guard this right with all my might.

If it means having to pour out our hearts and souls into this, then so be it. We were given this chance and it may not come along again. We will still have setbacks but if Alex faced all of them in the past alone, this time he has me and he will always have me. We will face them all together.