Memoirs of a Baby

Loving my mom more and more each day, I am reposting an old blog which I wrote after giving birth to my son.

I love you, Mama. Even though I may not always show it and if I do, always in a funny way.
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Feb. 1, 2006

How big or how small is a child’s memory bank? How far back can an infant remember, if at all? Do they keep a sort of a historical account of their first few days in their minds?

Caehl will be 4 months old this February 13. Everyday I keep telling myself that time really flies. Just the other day, I was talking to my maid and I was reminding her of the time when Mama was still so physically fit, how she would drop by every afternoon, never mind if she had to walk four or five blocks. She would be there as soon as my eyes would start to droop, aching for some forty winks. Her hands were never empty. There would always be a pack of turon or lumpia for merienda, a pack of diapers, a new bottle for Caehl, a new bucket or basin for her apo, or just about anything.

As soon as she’s settled, she would ask me to take a nap while she attended to Caehl who’s also asleep. I would wake up with her still sitting by the crib or carrying my son or changing his diaper, humming that favorite Limbo Rock tune of hers. Then she would fix a cup of coffee afterwards. She would ask me if Alex will work overtime and if so, she would stay with us until he comes home. In the evening, she would either be picked up by their maid or any of my sisters. “Bukas na lang,” she would say before going home. For a month or so, she has devoted herself to this routine.

Then we started to plan what we would do when it’s time for me to go back to work. “Ganito na lang,” she’d say. “Leave Caehl with us in the morning and just pick him up when you’re already home in the afternoon.” That was what we agreed upon. Until she started to complain of somewhat abdominal or side pains which make it difficult for her to walk. One check-up led to another and we ended up hiring a nanny, upon her insistence. No, Mama can no longer carry Caehl the way she used to (even if she wants to). She just takes comfort in having him in his lap or with him lying beside her in their bedroom during our weekly visits.

Now that Caehl recognizes faces, interacts with people, and starts to show anxiety with strangers, I can’t help but wish, no, pray that he somehow remembers his first month in the arms of his grandmother. How he would be lulled to sleep with her “ari guding ari guding (sung to the tune of Limbo rock).” How he would be easily scooped out of his crib by his grandma at just a slight sign of boredom or a hint of a sob. I ask myself, do babies remember those times? Would Caehl remember all these? The smell of Mama’s perfume? The sound of her voice? The warmth of her arms? And say with all conviction, “Ah, this is my lola.” The same way that I hope he would remember how I spent sleepless nights in the living room with him, and we would be alone in the morning until Mama arrives.

P.S. Don't forget to remind your mom how much you love her...