My Daughter the “Dormer”

A daughter may outgrow your lap, but she will never outgrow your heart.  ~Author Unknown

(Of course, there’s no such word. By “dormer,” I'm referring to a dorm resident, or a person staying / living in a dormitory.)

I remember when our eldest sibling, Ate, entered college (FEU) and my parents decided she would stay in my aunt’s apartment in Galas, QC. She has always been my roommate and although we were 4 years apart, we were close to each other. We didn’t have a landline then, and for the first few nights and weeks, I would call her up using a payphone in the nearest sari-sari store, and end up crying and missing her so.

And then it was my turn. Part of my parents’ plan (that’s why they chose UST over UPLB) was for me to stay with my sister. So that they won’t have to travel all the way from Los Baños to QC each time they would make us hatid.  It was more convenient and they felt more comfortable with the set-up, knowing we were together.

I didn’t realize that at that time, I was giving them a heartache or that I was breaking their heart. To me, it was the most practical thing to do. I knew myself, I could take care of myself, I was capable of doing household chores, and I knew how to commute. But for parents, those could never be enough, I learned. I am learning that now.

My daughter is now living in a dorm. It’s a new dormitory, a street away from UST. It’s a four-person room, but currently she is sharing it with Shae, her schoolmate since Grade One and a fellow CTHM sophomore. We wouldn’t have allowed her if it she weren’t with Shae (and Shae’s parents maintain the same stance). Shae’s mom and I have been acquaintances since the girls' grade school days, when we would both stay in the parents’ waiting area in Colegio San Agustin – Biñan. Yes, that’s how far we go back.

Cae is independent, and she is used to sleep-overs. My aunts would take turns borrowing her from us when she was two or three. She is a smart kid, but I must say, we are very protective of her. All through her grade school and high school life, she was hatid-sundo by a trusted tricycle service. She wasn’t allowed to commute and if she did take public transpo, we were uber panicky and worried.  When she studied at UST, that was the only time she commuted big-time. And we were proud of her learning how to ride the MRT or LRT and even the PNR on her own. When she started feeling the pains and challenges of commuting from our place to UST and vice versa, she complained and suggested dorm-living. But I guess we weren’t ready then. We asked her to try it out for the rest of her freshman year and then who knows, things might change. And they did.

With the 2-hour travel time, plus traffic, plus rains and floods, she was such a pity coming home wet with muddy shoes, kinakaladkad ang sarili while walking, plastado na sa gabi, and with a body brace at that. She asked that we revisit the idea of dorm-living and this time, we were cooperative. She prepared a PowerPoint presentation, with a matrix of pros and cons, even if that was just a formality.  At the back of our minds, we knew we were giving in.

It is a big change. For seventeen years, she was just in the next room. But I guess, we have to go with the flow. Alex is stricter though, laying down the rules - No this, no that. Do this, do that. There were so many reminders. And it’s more expensive. Yet we are somehow comforted that she can enjoy a few more winks (she usually wakes up at 4am). She can even take a shower after her Monday AM PE class and put on her brace comfortably. Her last class ends at 7pm and she can still be “home” early. When it rains, she doesn’t have to take on the downpour, fight it out with other commuters, and take the risk of getting sick and yes, ruining her shoes.

I hope she’ll be fine. I know she’ll be ok. Because I am missing her already.