CLOSING RIGHTS

As Chay (an officemate) said, this is a Blogspot moment. This calls for a new blog entry.

Around 11am yesterday (March 21), I missed a call from Cae. Calling her back, she was screaming and crying, cum laude raw sya.

She has been praying so hard for this. I kept telling her, “Don’t stress yourself. If you’re thinking about me, don’t. It’s ok if you don’t get it. I will not be disappointed. Bonus na lang yun.”

The fact that she is marching on March 27 (3 days before her 20^th birthday), finally getting a BS degree, is enough for me. I am so happy and proud already. My only request for her then was to take her studies seriously and finish college. That’s all.  

Well, she did more than that - she is graduating with honors, with a GWA of 1.712. More than what I achieved. More than what her dad and I dreamed of.

My daughter and I are opposites. While I was a three-time Valedictorian (kinder, grade school, high school), Cae was not an honor student in high school, although she had a few Eagles back in grade school. (Edited to add: She skipped Kinder A though, as she was accelerated to Kinder B. A reason why she's one year younger than her batch mates.) To me, it was a given. All my life, honors and awards were a normal thing, no big deal, all in a day’s work. I would attend recognition rites na normal lang. Nagtataka ako nun, bakit yung iba, nagpapa-parlor pa, nagbibihis, nag-aayos, nagpapa-makeup? What’s up? You’d just go up the stage, aabutan ka ng medals, tapos na. Sometimes, may blow-out or swimming party, but more often than not, diretsong uwi lang kami sa bahay.

In college, though, I was just one of the guys, although my GWA was not so bad (I was some points away from the cum laude cut-off). I didn’t study hard enough. If I were what I have been in high school, I would have killed it, too. But I was so pa-easy-easy in college. That’s why come graduation day, I was so envious of my cum laude classmates who were asked to offer their medals to their parents. On our way home from PICC, I was crying at the backseat. My family thought I was just thinking of how I would miss college and my friends. But deep inside me, I was feeling so bad for letting my folks down. Although they did not tell me they were disappointed or sad, I thought it would have been a perfect gift to them, a consolation prize for sending us 3 older kids to college at the same time. I was never able to delete this episode from my mind. In fact, I wrote an article entitled Writing 30 when I was 30 years old about my regrets in life, and here, I cited not being able to graduate from college with honors as one of those regrets. A “failure.” Yes, I think I failed my parents on this item.  And then, I got pregnant and married early, at age 22. I was not able to pursue law, my father’s dream for me.

My parenting style when it comes to studying is to let them be. I have always believed that cream will always rise to the top. Kahit saan mo ilagay ang anak mo, lilitaw at lilitaw ang galing at talino. You just have to support and guide them. I never pressured them to be like me. I am not and was never a Hitler mom. I let them study and review on their own, in their own pace and time. Masisipag naman sila. As long as they’re not failing, a few mistakes are fine by me.

Compared to Cae now, kinabog ako! Who would have thought that the child I was carrying then would bail me out? I am vindicated. I feel like this is my closure to those 2 failures and regrets. Cae is a marvelous daughter. While she seemed “maarte” and yes, pa-easy-easy (read: pa-partey-partey), she is a diligent college student. She’s not just pretty but intelligent, too. Like her dad (Alex is the recipient of the 1992 UST Rector's Literary Award, UST's highest literary award for students), she expresses herself and her thoughts on paper beautifully. I am so happy that she heeded my advice. I know that she had to endure comparisons to me when she was younger. “Naku, di ka gumaya sa mommy mo.” People would say, “Ang mommy mo noon, laging first honor.” Even my own mama used to tell her, “Ang mahal ng tuition mo. Sa mommy mo noon, wala kaming binayarang tuition.” And nowadays, I know she would hear a lot of “Mana ka sa mommy mo.”

But this is not about me. Or her dad. The truth is, she’s her own person. She is as unique as her name. She is amazing. I love you, naknik. You make me so proud, your dad and I are the happiest parents on earth. Not just because of this achievement of yours (at the end of the day, wala naman yan talaga sa school or sa honors but for what you have become). We love you because you are you. And because you are our daughter.

Thank you to everyone who liked Cae’s FB posts and photos, and those who sent their greetings via FB. Your kind words and warm thoughts are greatly appreciated.

~TheGoodGirl

Previous blogs on Cae: 

http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/graduation-rights_7544.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2014/03/one-in-million.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2013/07/college-collage.html

One in a million

What can you do with a million pesos?

Possible answers:

• Buy a property (house, condo unit or car).
• Spend it on a major event (e.g. wedding, debut).
• Travel.
• Pay off loans (or debts).
• Put up a business (or acquire a business franchise).
• Save or set the money aside.

For the last item, if you are a parent, you may want to add, “Use it as college fund.”

My daughter’s graduation on March 27, 2014 and a recent blog “Planning your Child's Education (EDUCATION PLANNING)” made me think about this and prompted me to compute our total investment on her college education.

True enough, one would need a million bucks for a college diploma nowadays. Tuition is not the only thing to worry about, as there are other “financial commitments.” On our part, Cae is an education plan baby (refer to my other blog entry). I am so proud of this investment of ours and it was a great help indeed. A special note to parents who have kids below 4 years old: Please consider having one. In these times, you are no longer limited to traditional education plans, as there are investment-linked insurance plans that provide funds for your child’s education. These products give you flexibility and allow you to save for several years of schooling depending on what you require (high school, college, or even post graduate degrees). And then there are also scholarship grants offered by private institutions or universities. Grab these opportunities while you can.  So you can scratch off (or a portion of) the first column ↓.

Below is the breakdown of our expenses for four years (click on table to enlarge image).  

Some items may not be applicable to everyone, as they are exclusive to a Travel Management course (e.g. local/international trips, events). Cae went to Cebu-Bohol and South Korea, and had a Manila tour guide exam. They had an events management subject where they had to stage an actual event and they were also required to attend events sponsored by the other classes. Even then, take note that some courses are more expensive (e.g. Multimedia Arts, Nursing, Dentistry, Architecture or Engineering).  My cousin had to purchase an expensive camera and other equipment for his daughter who is taking up Multimedia Arts. For those who have kids pursuing special interests or hobbies (culinary arts, sports, ballet, theater, and photography, among others) during their college years, you may have to shell out more.

Her thesis was about Malapascua Island so she and her groupmates had to go there personally.

Cae didn’t need so many books, but her French and German books were expensive. They also had journals and lots of photocopied materials.

Transportation expenses would also vary; some would have their personal vehicles (gasoline, toll fees, parking fees) while others would take PUVs or join a carpool. If you must, for your info/reference, driving lessons cost Php6,600 (10hrs) – 9,800 (15hrs) for sedan / manual.

Some universities have prescribed uniforms but you would still need to shop for clothes appropriate for school, right? PE uniforms and gears change every semester (1^st and 2^nd year), depending on the program taken (badminton, arnis, table tennis, etc). Cae’s South Korea trip was last February 2013, so we had to get her some winter clothes and accessories. For CTHM, pantyhose are a must to go with their uniform (cream blouse with special fabric exclusive only to UST, green scarf, dark blue vest, and dark blue skirt) – that’s an additional non-negotiable item plus make-up. For her OJT , they were required to wear a grey uniform.

Cae is not a “branded” girl, you can buy her any kind of shoes but for some reason, her feet seem to eat her shoes alive, on top of being a frequent flood victim (as a Thomasian) – so we have to buy (or have them repaired) every now and then.

Dormitory fees range from 12k to 15k for a room good for 4pax. Some would charge more to include meals, while kids who are “uwian” can take their lunch or dinner at home.  Since Cae lived in a dormitory for 3 years, we had to spend extra for utilities, postpaid plan, and occasional laundry.  I also included the purchase of mobile phones (all in all, she had four – 1 MyPhone, 2 Blackberry and a new one, Samsung Win). 

I excluded the medical/dental/optical expenses since these are charged anyway to another budget source and not to the education fund. But you may want to take note of them, too, for documentation purposes. I indicated these expenses (in red) in one column since in Cae’s case we had to purchase her Yamamoto brace (for her dextroscoliosis), her orthodontic retainers on her 2^nd and 4^th year, and her eyeglasses, plus the trips to the doctor/dentist/laboratories.  I also excluded food/groceries and toiletries purchased for Cae as these are also charged to another budget source.  When Cae was younger, she was a picky eater but when she experienced “dorm living”, she began to appreciate vegetables and simple viands (lutong-bahay). Her expenses for meals are placed under Allowance/Food/Leisure.

The figures are rounded up for easy computation, but more or less, you get the drift. I suddenly thought of my parents who sent 3 college students (my two older siblings and me) all at the same time. Remember, if your child opts for a state university, tuition would be less, of course. But if he/she goes to a more expensive university, then your million may not be sufficient and you need to prepare or save more. If you have insurance or an investment plan, expenses may be minimal.  

And yes it’s true, the reward that you will receive in return (pride, happiness) after four years (five or more to some) is PRICELESS. Every time I see my daughter’s grades and graduation photo, I can’t help but flash a million-dollar smile. So much for return on investment.

~TheGoodGirl