CLOSING RIGHTS

As Chay (an officemate) said, this is a Blogspot moment. This calls for a new blog entry.

Around 11am yesterday (March 21), I missed a call from Cae. Calling her back, she was screaming and crying, cum laude raw sya.

She has been praying so hard for this. I kept telling her, “Don’t stress yourself. If you’re thinking about me, don’t. It’s ok if you don’t get it. I will not be disappointed. Bonus na lang yun.”

The fact that she is marching on March 27 (3 days before her 20^th birthday), finally getting a BS degree, is enough for me. I am so happy and proud already. My only request for her then was to take her studies seriously and finish college. That’s all.  

Well, she did more than that - she is graduating with honors, with a GWA of 1.712. More than what I achieved. More than what her dad and I dreamed of.

My daughter and I are opposites. While I was a three-time Valedictorian (kinder, grade school, high school), Cae was not an honor student in high school, although she had a few Eagles back in grade school. (Edited to add: She skipped Kinder A though, as she was accelerated to Kinder B. A reason why she's one year younger than her batch mates.) To me, it was a given. All my life, honors and awards were a normal thing, no big deal, all in a day’s work. I would attend recognition rites na normal lang. Nagtataka ako nun, bakit yung iba, nagpapa-parlor pa, nagbibihis, nag-aayos, nagpapa-makeup? What’s up? You’d just go up the stage, aabutan ka ng medals, tapos na. Sometimes, may blow-out or swimming party, but more often than not, diretsong uwi lang kami sa bahay.

In college, though, I was just one of the guys, although my GWA was not so bad (I was some points away from the cum laude cut-off). I didn’t study hard enough. If I were what I have been in high school, I would have killed it, too. But I was so pa-easy-easy in college. That’s why come graduation day, I was so envious of my cum laude classmates who were asked to offer their medals to their parents. On our way home from PICC, I was crying at the backseat. My family thought I was just thinking of how I would miss college and my friends. But deep inside me, I was feeling so bad for letting my folks down. Although they did not tell me they were disappointed or sad, I thought it would have been a perfect gift to them, a consolation prize for sending us 3 older kids to college at the same time. I was never able to delete this episode from my mind. In fact, I wrote an article entitled Writing 30 when I was 30 years old about my regrets in life, and here, I cited not being able to graduate from college with honors as one of those regrets. A “failure.” Yes, I think I failed my parents on this item.  And then, I got pregnant and married early, at age 22. I was not able to pursue law, my father’s dream for me.

My parenting style when it comes to studying is to let them be. I have always believed that cream will always rise to the top. Kahit saan mo ilagay ang anak mo, lilitaw at lilitaw ang galing at talino. You just have to support and guide them. I never pressured them to be like me. I am not and was never a Hitler mom. I let them study and review on their own, in their own pace and time. Masisipag naman sila. As long as they’re not failing, a few mistakes are fine by me.

Compared to Cae now, kinabog ako! Who would have thought that the child I was carrying then would bail me out? I am vindicated. I feel like this is my closure to those 2 failures and regrets. Cae is a marvelous daughter. While she seemed “maarte” and yes, pa-easy-easy (read: pa-partey-partey), she is a diligent college student. She’s not just pretty but intelligent, too. Like her dad (Alex is the recipient of the 1992 UST Rector's Literary Award, UST's highest literary award for students), she expresses herself and her thoughts on paper beautifully. I am so happy that she heeded my advice. I know that she had to endure comparisons to me when she was younger. “Naku, di ka gumaya sa mommy mo.” People would say, “Ang mommy mo noon, laging first honor.” Even my own mama used to tell her, “Ang mahal ng tuition mo. Sa mommy mo noon, wala kaming binayarang tuition.” And nowadays, I know she would hear a lot of “Mana ka sa mommy mo.”

But this is not about me. Or her dad. The truth is, she’s her own person. She is as unique as her name. She is amazing. I love you, naknik. You make me so proud, your dad and I are the happiest parents on earth. Not just because of this achievement of yours (at the end of the day, wala naman yan talaga sa school or sa honors but for what you have become). We love you because you are you. And because you are our daughter.

Thank you to everyone who liked Cae’s FB posts and photos, and those who sent their greetings via FB. Your kind words and warm thoughts are greatly appreciated.

~TheGoodGirl

Previous blogs on Cae: 

http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/graduation-rights_7544.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2014/03/one-in-million.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2013/07/college-collage.html