Of Blessings and Lessons - and Death

Death is an event no one is ever prepared for.

When something dies, like love and relationships, part of me dies along with it. Yet it is something that happens or has to happen or something that I allow to happen for me to continue to be alive, ironic it may seem.

Friendship to me is a big thing. I don’t have a single best friend or BFF. I don’t have someone who plays that specific role. BUT I do have friends, and I love them dearly, regardless of the role they play or are playing in my life.

I believe in the saying that friendship transcends time and distance. There are people whom I have known all my life. And some of them have stayed as friends through the years. From the time we were thin, shy, and oblivious to the world around us to the time we had menstruation and pimples, swooned over Bagets, Menudo, and Tom Cruise and rejected by crushes, up to the time we chose our college courses, found the loves of our lives and raised our own families. We still have each other. And I know that I will always have them. Even though everything has changed over the years, each time we are together, it feels like nothing has changed. Thank you, Regal Babies and my Licean kumpares and kumares.

I also believe that there's a kind of friendship that even though you rarely see each other, like once a year perhaps, it is not an issue. Iba ang may tunay na pinagsamahan. This holds true for my college barkada. There were years when we would get together at least once a month or when one of us celebrates his/her birthday or a milestone. But in the past two or three years, this has been reduced to just every Christmas. Then again, it doesn’t matter. Because I know that despite distance and the fact that we have other friends, we would always have each other. I am proud of them and their achievements in their chosen field. Bigtime ang friends ko, this is one successful group, but walang yabangan, walang paistaran. Da Punks wuz here. And my USTe family.

I don’t agree that you couldn't have good friends in the workplace. They say it’s a jungle out there. But there are gems along the way. And I was fortunate to find people who would always be there for me, and likewise, I will always be there for them when they need me, and even if they don’t. They know when to be a colleague, and when to be a friend. For that, I thank you Insular friends with special mention to Sizzling Bopiz. No matter how many times I fall, you have never judged me and you have accepted me as I am. Kahit minsan, gusto ninyong iuntog ang ulo ko sa pader. We have different personalities, and sometimes we don’t agree on things, and sometimes we rant, but we always listen to each other out of respect and genuine care. Even though we are busy and occupied with work, we are always in touch and text/Viber exchanges are enough. We know how to have fun, and at the same time, we know when to get serious. We know the word “damayan.” When one is down, we lift up each other’s spirits. The workplace is not a hopeless place, and we found love in it. Cheesyyyyyyy.

• Friends should be proud of each other. If you are my friend, I am not ashamed to be seen with you or for people to know that we are friends. I can tag you in Facebook, you can see me in my worst, you can see me crazy, and you will never make me takwil. If you did something great, I am proud of you and I will say it. If you did something not-so-great, I will give you advice if you ask for it, I will never judge you or take that holier-than-thou stance.
• Real ones make time for you, no terms and conditions. Kung ayaw, maraming dahilan. I am not like that, except if there’s a real major reason or life-and-death situation that I cannot be there. For me, you don’t give a limit on what you can do or can’t do for a person who’s supposed to be your friend. Kung ibang tao yan, pwede. Eh friend mo nga di ba? You have each other’s back, ika nga. Just like soldiers who protect each other from the enemy. You look out for each other. Hindi pwedeng for good times ka lang nandun. Hindi pwedeng pag gusto mo lang, or if it's convenient for you.
• Real ones care and they know when you need them, even if you don’t tell them, or show it.
• You don’t have to beg for friendship. It should be voluntary, given willingly. You cannot force friendship. If you have to force it, then it’s not friendship.
• Friends may sometimes hurt each other, but not all the time. You can be honest and open, and candid, or brutally frank, and sometimes the truth hurts. But you don’t hurt a friend intentionally. At paulit-ulit.
• Friends make mistakes. But you own up to your mistakes, apologize and you never do it again. You don’t justify your actions, or make excuses.
• Friends are blessings, not a burden. Hindi dapat mabigat dalhin, even if sometimes may problems or heavy stuff. Share-A-Load.
• Friends are not simply textmates or chatmates. There should be a face behind it. If you have to make excuses when a friend asks to see you, ano ka virtual friend? Or online friend lang? It’s 2015, hindi na uso ang penpal at phonepal, no?
• Friends listen to each other. It’s not a one-way thing or a monopoly. Hindi pwedeng ikaw lang ang nagsasalita palagi and you don’t hear out the other person. Na ikaw lang ang palaging tama. Or palaging may katwiran. Friends may not often agree on everything. Friends may fight, or have tampuhans or misunderstandings. Tao lang eh. And you don’t have to be on the same page all the time. May PMS. May mood swings. Bad trip. Busy. May problema. Kahit nga kambal, magkaibang tao at personality. But at the end of the day, you accept those differences, and you understand where they came from. Two-way nga eh. Hindi mo ipipilit na ikaw ang tama. You may have the last say on the issue, or pwedeng sya. But again, bottomline, hindi masama ang loob ninyo sa resulta.
• Friends help you grow. They help you learn. Friends are wonderful experiences in one’s life. If it is hollow or what you have lacks substance, it is not friendship.
• Friends are family. They are brothers and sisters from another mom. If you have to treat them differently, then you should think again. Hindi ka tunay na kaibigan if you treat a friend like ‘others.’ If you have to put on a different face, or a different personality when you are with them or when you talk to them, you are not a friend. Ikaw ay isang artista. Or isang japeyk.

Having said all these, you must have surmised that there was a recent death. Or well, I thought that was a friendship. I guess I was too dumb to believe that such friendship existed. I genuinely cared and I gave my all. But in the end, I felt I was forcing it, or I was forcing myself. The other party’s definition of friendship does not jive with mine. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe I gave too much. Maybe ako ang mali. Oo, ako na. When the hurting happens over and over again, it is no longer healthy. When several chances are given and it doesn't work out, it's ok to give up. Sometimes you have had enough. And it’s best to call it quits. True, there’s hinayang on your part. But some things are not meant to be. Some things have to end – like love and relationships.

I wish you well.

~TheGoodGirl