Half of My Heart

But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark?

- Lost Stars

For someone who has been married for 22 years, I have been asked too often how one is able to stay long in a marriage. Especially if one got hitched at an early age like me. So many factors contribute to marital breakdown – immaturity, infidelity, money, communication, addictions, sex, fatigue, to name a few. And in this age of internet and information technology, almost nothing is impossible, or better yet, almost everything is possible.

I am not ashamed to say that the primary reason we got married young was because I got pregnant. At that time, I was just a year and a half out of college and I had to give up a job because of my difficult pregnancy until my 5^th month. Yet at that time, I was sure that he was going to be the person I would marry. Perhaps that knowledge and that certainty stemmed from the fact that I had previous relationships which never reached that level. I believe it when people say that you will know if and when that person is The One. And I also believe that if and when that person is indeed The One, hindi mo na patatagalin pa.

However, I would be a hypocrite if I say that I don’t have what-ifs. What if I didn’t get pregnant? What if we waited a little bit? What if I took up Law instead? What if we met somebody else? What if hindi kami ang nagkatuluyan? Too late, I suppose, and it wouldn’t be fair to us both to be thinking of those things. But I guess, Alex too would have his own what-ifs. Like any other marriage, ours is not a fairy tale. Inasmuch as we’ve had great times, we’ve had our share of horrors and mishaps. Of faults and failures. Of trying times and setbacks. Inasmuch as there were great years, there were lost years that can never be brought back again. And how can we regain something that wasn’t even ours in the first place? They're just shoved in my favorite place – in the dark recesses of my mind, where they cannot haunt or hurt me any longer.

At the end of the day, there are no clear-cut rules, and there are different strokes for different folks. I am thankful when people accept and acknowledge my bits and pieces of advice when it comes to love and relationships. I am no guru but I think I am a bit of an expert in my own right. When you are able to go through the most difficult times and you still end up together, choosing each other after all has been said and done, I guess, you are credible.

1.  For the fun part, my Tip#1 goes like this: Mag-asawa ng pogi. Kahit anong mangyari, at least pogi. Asar ka na nga, panget pa? LOL Even if you fight, refuse to talk to each other, bigyan ka ng kunsumisyon, at least pogi pa rin hahaha
2. Tip#2: If you are a doer type of a person, it’s ok to marry a dreamer. But if you are a dreamer yourself, marry a doer, not a fellow dreamer. It’s ok to dream but someone between the two of you has to take action. You got to make things happen. It cannot be dreaming all the time.
3.  Tip#3: Believe in the goodness of everything. That despite everything, every single moment that happens or happened to you will always teach you about goodness.
4.  Tip#4: Don’t ever give up. Most couples nowadays just give up. Don’t. The heart is stronger than you think. Sometimes you feel your heart cannot take it any longer, but how it continues to endure pain after pain is something that amazes me up to this very minute. #PUSO
5.  Tip#5: If all else fails, refer to Tip#1. At least, pogi.

I could go on and on. But maybe, I can continue this in another blog. For my part, I am not a perfect wife and I guess no one is. But God knows I tried so hard and I worked so hard. Sure, I have my lapses, but I would like to believe that I’ve done more than my fair share in this partnership.

Above all, and most importantly, this marriage gave me two bright and beautiful children, who are the source of my pride and joy. And I don’t mean just bright and beautiful – as in really really bright and beautiful. Everything that happens, they say, has a reason. And if the reason for my early marriage is having these children, and being a mother to them, then I have no regrets at all.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

~TheGoodGirl