Love in Action

Love is action. It isn’t talk, and it never has been. – Pat Conroy

Last week, my son Caehl was sick. It was one thing that he was sick, and another that I was away on a business trip in Cebu. I was monitoring him while attending the training, texting my kumare who’s his pedia, and giving instructions to the people back home. I kept on reminding Alex to do these things, but I just wanted to be sure they are done in my absence.

When I got back, Caehl was still not feeling well, but he managed to take his quarterly exams just the same. I was worried that he wasn’t able to answer the tests correctly, or that he was in a hurry to finish them, just so he could go home. Nanay Ev said that his class adviser was praising him for completing the exams despite his condition. Yesterday, I arrived home to see his test folder on my desk. I didn’t want to look, but why did I ever doubt my son? He got two perfect scores, and the rest, 1-2 mistakes. That was fine – no, that was great. My son did all right. But he still wanted to know what causes bacterial infection. That’s Caehl – he has to know the rationale, the root cause of anything and he’ll be ok.

Looking back, whenever my children get sick, I realized I am not really the nursing kind of mom. My daughter Caitlin even accused me once of not caring, or not showing that I care. It’s just that I am the type of mom who acts on the problem right away; it’s what you call “hindi ma-nene.” I would contact their doctors immediately and get things done – have them checked up, buy meds, ask them what they want to eat, tell them to rest and sleep. Maybe I lack the qualities of a caregiver, that’s why I didn’t go into health care, I am not cut out to be a nurse. While I do worry a lot, it’s how things work for me. And that’s who I am, and that’s my way of showing I care. Even in the workplace, while a meeting is going on regarding a project, nasa implementation mode na ko agad. I think it was my former boss Ma’am Myrna, who used to describe my working style as “aksyon agad.”

Maybe it’s because when I myself get sick, I don’t expect people to fuss over me. I’m ok, I can take care of myself. I know what to do. My body is my accountability. Or better yet, I don’t really show that I don’t feel well. Moms don’t get that much privilege. Even if we are sick, we still tackle our tasks like we’re not. Sometimes, I don’t know if I should be flattered that they think I’m a superwoman - invincible and powerful. I remember the time when I wasn’t speaking during dinner because I was having dysmenorrhea, and Caitilin and I had a fight. “Anak, hindi ba pwedeng tumahimik lang muna?” Short of saying, Can’t I be left alone for once? Don’t I have the right to be not ok? Can’t I be sick? That’s why I appreciate it greatly when in fairness, they give me space when I have migraine attacks or PMS, or when I simply want to sleep. I overheard Nanay Ev and Caehl one time. “Caehl, don’t disturb your mom. She might have a headache.” And Caehl replied, “No, she’s fine, she’s just sleeping.”

At the end of the day, we all have our own way of showing how we care for others. You may be the hug and physical touch type; some may do it by words of affirmation; others through quality time spent; while some, by acts of service – like me. Or it can be a combination of any of these things.

When I do things for you, even without your telling me, that’s my way of showing I love you. I am on my best mode when I am doing something for someone, and I love it when I do something for people without being asked or told. You don’t have to tell me, I just get things done – especially when I have to do things that I don’t like doing, but I still do it just the same - all out of love. And I will do it over and over again.

~TheGoodGirl