Friendship Over

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” – Edna Buchanan

What is it about the number seven and relationships? There’s the so-called seven-year itch for marriages. And psychologists say that if a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will last a lifetime.

How true is this? Is there an expiration date for friendships? Is there a shelf life for relationships?

Have you ever had an experience wherein you were the best, the closest of friends. You were inseparable. You were together all the time, exchanging secrets, tears, laughter. Then all of a sudden, it was as if you were strangers. Gone were those days when you would get together as often as you can. Now, you’re just civil to each other, perhaps keeping in touch online, asking about each other’s family. Or maybe not, and perhaps wondering if the other remembers how close you were, how crazy you were together.

Or maybe you had a barkada or group of friends whom to you was the world then. But somehow, you drifted apart. Or circumstances led you to separate worlds. Maybe you still kept in touch, reminiscing the good old days. But you found new friends along the way. And the closeness is not there anymore, and even if there’s a chance to meet up, you are no longer interested. Or you are no longer invited. And they are just, well, a memory. And all that's left are shared memories from the past.

It seems ideal. That true friends stay forever, beyond words, distance and time. Most friendships do stay forever, some friendships evolve and change, while others grow stronger as years pass. Despite experiencing heartbreaks, disappointments and mistakes together. Yung sinasabing magkakadikit ang bituka. Lucky you if you have a BFF. There’s a premise that for strong friendships, friends need not see or talk to each other every day. If the relationship lives in the heart, it will survive even without daily conversations or togetherness. It is not about being inseparable, but about being separated and knowing nothing will change. And even if you have not seen each other for quite some time, when you do get together, it’s as if nothing happened, nothing changed.

But even long-term friendships end. Yes they do and they can. Growing up. Having different interests. Conflicting values, beliefs. Some friendships last only for a season.  Or has run its course. Some relationships are not meant to last. Sometimes it happens without a warning. Or reason.  And you wonder what happened. Or where it went. No one, I guess, wants to end a friendship. Some friendships end quietly and slowly on its own, as some people just walk away or cut off contact. Maybe you would even prefer having an argument or a fight, and know the reason why your relationship failed, than sit and speculate forever.

I rarely write about sad things. And as much as possible, I only want to write about good things. But recent happenings in my life opened my eyes to this realization. Some people whom I thought were friends are like strangers to me now. Maybe I have my faults, maybe I have my shortcomings. Maybe changes, circumstances and the passing years took its toll on us. Maybe ours is the kind of friendship that needs nurturing, unlike other friendships which don't have to be watched like a pot or attended to all the time. But to me, they will always be friends - even if they don't consider me one anymore, as my definition of being a friend is different from theirs. Breaking up with a friend or with friends is like breaking up with a partner. It’s not easy. But friendship demise happens and when it does, you mourn but you recover, and you just accept and embrace the change, welcome new people in your life, get ready for new friendships and relationships. Be grateful for what it was, what the friendship did to you / for you, for having known them, and for being a  part of their lives in one way or another, and thank God for the lessons learned. And yes, be grateful for and appreciate those who stayed.

~TheGoodGirl