If loving you was a mistake,
Then it is my most favorite mistake.
If you are a "regret",
Then you are my most favorite regret.
---TheGoodGirl, 2014
My 2014 has been kaleidoscopic. So many colors, so many designs. There were bright hues, and then there were dark ones. There were clear patterns, and then there were cluttered ones.
At the same time, it has been like a roller coaster ride. There were times when my world was up, and then down. Sometimes the lows would outnumber the highs. Sometimes, it would just go on and on, and then would stop.
I lost a lot - time, words, opportunities, people. And I went through a lot.
At the end of the day, the colorful patterns shifted to reveal meaningful lessons and learnings. I am humbled by the loops, twists and turns, and free falls. I have fallen a lot of times, and then would gather the strength again to stand up. The pains and losses and rejections I encountered along the way have contributed to the person I am now. While I don't claim to be stronger and smarter, I still believe in love and in the power of the heart to mend, to heal itself after being broken, and in its capacity to forgive and forget, and to withstand sadness, distress, grief. And I still believe in all things good and beautiful. Hope is a good thing. And it is a beautiful thing to hold on to.
Goodbye, 2014. What a ride it was. What a kaleidoscope it was. I am leaving everything behind, with hope, with love, with all my heart.
Like Ellie (Jodie Foster) in the movie Contact (1997), "I can't explain it, but I was given something wonderful, something that changed me forever. I wish I could share that... I wish, that everyone, if only for one... moment, could feel... that awe, and humility, and hope. But... That continues to be my wish."
Happy New Year to all my blog followers! May the year 2015 be a better one for all of us.
~TheGoodGirl
When it comes to writing stories from life's natural everyday situations, no one does it better than The Good Girl. Now she is telling all...touching, true-to-life, heartwarming tales that tell the world about her life, love, and lessons learned, with her usual delightful brand of humor and drama. Follow me @therealgoodgirl (Twitter) @talesofthegoodgirl (Instagram)
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Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Monday, December 15, 2014
Always In His Time
“Do you ever wonder
why things have to turn out the way they do?”
― Nicholas Sparks, A
Walk to Remember
Someone said, "Always ask the questions
you want to, life is too short to know if you'll get a second chance to
ask..."
Indeed, life is filled with unanswered questions, and I have
always been told that I couldn't ever have all the answers. Sometimes, things
happen and you ask God why. Why He allowed it to happen, why He didn’t. Why it
happened to you. Why you. The answers are not readily given to you. In the meantime,
there’s pain. There’s sorrow. You mourn. You are discouraged. You are afraid.
You are angry.
People always say that God works in the strangest of ways. He
makes all things beautiful in His time. He answers prayers in His time, and His
answers always come at the most perfect time. In time, things will unfold right
before you and you will understand, and accept. And move on.
When my father died 4 years ago, I asked the same questions.
Why, Lord? Why my Papa? We could have spent more years together.
When things didn’t go as I wanted them to be, it was the
same. Why, Lord? Why can’t it be? Didn't I pray hard enough? Didn’t I work for
it hard enough? I prayed to You earnestly, why didn’t You hear me? Why didn’t I
get what I asked for?
True, whatever your questions are, the answers don’t come right
away. And meanwhile, you mope around, trying to cope. There’s sadness. There’s
depression. There’s anger.
But eventually, the reasons why things happened that way unfurl.
Sometimes, you don’t see them immediately. Sometimes, you need to look back and
analyze. There is a time for all things, if you didn’t get what you asked for
during the time you prayed for it. Sometimes, the answer is no. And there is a reason
for that. Some things are just not meant to be, and just not meant for you. There
are other things in store for you. Maybe some people are not meant to be in
your life, no matter how much you want them to be. God has other plans for you. And then comes understanding. And acceptance.
If it’s meant to be, it will be. And what’s meant to be will
always find a way.
Dear God,
I have tried my best.
But Your plans are
better than my dreams.
~TheGoodGirl
Thursday, December 11, 2014
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I love the darkness,
It hides my pain.
I love the rain,
It washes away my tears.
-TheGoodGirl, 2014
You can erase someone from your mind
Getting them out of your heart is another story.
Is there a quick way to totally wipe someone out of your
memory?
In the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, someone invented a process of erasing all
your memories of a certain person or relationship. And you’re good to go, no
excess baggage, nothing at all.
It must be awesome to be able to do that. In time, really, you
can forget a person, even the feeling. This is always possible. But I guess,
what everyone wants is an instant eraser, one that can help you forget right
away.
And since we’re on the subject, can I wish for the following,
too?
1. An Instant Eraser – like a whiteboard eraser, or a delete
button which wipes away all bad and painful memories. Picture the eraser tool
in Paint or Photoshop...you can use this to get rid of the pain and all those
experiences, feelings, images you want to delete from your memory...sort of a
tool or instrument for selective amnesia. You just use the eraser and yes, no
more tears.
2. Life remote control – I don’t know if Cae remembers this
conversation years ago. "Mom, wouldn't it be nice if you have a life fast
forwarder or a rewinder?" she asked. "What for?" I asked back.
"So you can fast forward your life or rewind it according to your
preference," she replied. I laughed, "Then there's no ending at all,
Cae," I told her. "People will forever be fast forwarding and
rewinding their lives."
Seriously, wouldn't it be great if you could go back to a
certain period in your life or go forward to skip the parts you don't like -
with the help of your very own remote control? If something sucks or you just
can't wait for tomorrow, fast forward. If you want to go back to yesterday to
undo or redo things, or to just relive good experiences, rewind. Well, the
catch of course is that, there might be no ending to your story, as I've told
Cae. "Today" may soon be extinct as there would only be yesterdays
and tomorrows.
3. Duplicator - remember the movie Multiplicity (1996)? This Duplicator can create another you or as
many “you’s” as you can, so you could be in multiple places at one time. You
can be at home and in the office at the same time. You can be with your kids
and at the same time, be in another place. You can be in a romantic get-away
with your partner with no worry that you're neglecting your job or household
chores because you are also at the office or home. But this
Duplicator should come out with the very same you, no "plus" or
"minus", meaning your clone should be the exact you, unlike the ones
in the movie when each duplicate of Michael Keaton turns out to be worse than
the other, a poorer copy of the one before him.
4. Emotional Anesthesia – this can be brought about by a
powerful gel or fluid or a pill which doesn’t have to be administered by a
licensed anesthesiologist for you to be able to feel no pain; pain caused by a
break-up, a separation, an unrequited love, anything that has anything to do
with emotional pain. You just apply it or drink it (dosage depending on the
seriousness of the situation), then you would feel no more pain. Somebody broke your heart? Someone made you a fool? Somebody didn’t love you
back? Somebody doesn’t want you back? No problem! The pain will go away in no
time, my dear.
Now who wants any of the above?
~TheGoodGirl
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
If there are things better left unsaid, Love is not among them
Michael: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say
it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...
Juliane: Passes you by...
-My Best Friend’s Wedding, 1997
Papa has always looked forward to getting a planner from me
every December. As soon as my allocation from the office has been delivered to
me, I would give mine to him. Mama said it was where she would (help him) mark his
appointments, court appearances, and meetings. He would receive planners from
other people, but he would always prefer using mine. Until 2010, when he passed
away.
It’s been four years. And I miss him so. Weeks ago, when I
got my planner and calendars, it was him whom I first thought about.
After he left, I found it difficult to write about him and
his death, how it affected me, how it bugged me and how it continues to bug me
up to this point. I was never able to tell him how much I love him when he was
in the emergency room and still conscious, and when he was transferred to
another hospital. I did not know that after he was wheeled inside the CT scan room,
I will never be able to talk to him again. Of course, even if he was
unconscious, we would take turns whispering to him, praying for him. But that
was different. For me, it was too late. How I wish I could turn back the time,
and tell him things I wasn’t able to say. I know he knew that I love him, but
sometimes love is better said and heard. If there are things better left
unsaid, I believe that love is an exception.
In this fast-paced and harried life of ours, we tend to
forget to tell our loved ones how we feel about them. And sometimes, we even
forget the actual feeling, as we are occupied with work, studies, problems, and
stuff. We take them for granted. Sometimes we forget to express our
appreciation to them for helping us, for taking care of us, for loving us, and
for just being there. There are so many things left unsaid, that more often
than not, it’s too late to tell them – they’re already gone.
Russian novelist and writer Fyodor Dostoevsky said, “Much
unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”
The world is filled with unspoken words. Add no more. Maybe we should set aside some time to say what you feel and
say the most important things to people who matter to you. Show them that you
appreciate them, and what they do for you. Thank them. Spend time with them. And most of all, don’t
forget to say you love them. Before it’s too late.
Atty. Leon Lajom Acuña
April 11, 1942 - December 11, 2010
Rest in peace...
~TheGoodGirl
Monday, November 24, 2014
A Face in the Crowd
How do you hold on to someone you've never met?
What if you found the one you were meant for... but you
lived 2 years apart?
- - The Lake House (2006)
Are you looking for The One? Or are you just waiting?
This thought came to me following an encounter with a
foreigner yesterday. My daughter will kill me for this. But there we were, in a
bazaar stall at Festival Mall. I was chatting with my suki, Gemma, the stall
owner while Cae was being attended to by the assistant, when suddenly I heard a
male voice, saying, “Excuse me.”
I turned around to see a guy, perhaps in his late twenties,
obviously not a Pinoy due to his looks and accent.
He said to Cae, “Excuse me…are
you single?”
Cae was taken aback. Then she replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m
already taken.” I’m not sure if she repeated to him what she said. We were all
looking at the guy. He seemed nice, well, he didn’t look “maangas” or at least
he spoke nicely.
He said, “Oh. Thank you. And…Merry Christmas.” Cae returned
the greeting and he walked away. We were silent for a while. Gemma’s assistant seemed
rattled, because he forgot we have not paid yet for our purchase. I told him, “Hindi
pa kami bayad!” Nakakaloka, Gemma said. Later on, I asked Cae if she answered the guy in a nice way, and she said she did.
Well, as her Dad and I were discussing just the other day,
we unanimously agreed that even though she’s not beautiful as in beauty queen
material, Cae has always been pansinin, lapitin, tinginin. People really look
at her even though she’s just passing by, even if she hasn't combed her hair,
with or without make-up. Please refer to my previous blog "The Weighing Game" to understand what I mean.
The guy, to me, looked Middle East-ernish – based on his
eyes, nose and color, but probably Westernized. And I have this friend who
works in Saudi Arabia who told me that men from those countries are like that.
When they like you, they will approach you. It’s not hard to decipher them, no
second-guessing. Pag gusto ka, you will know. Unlike Pinoy guys who sometimes won’t tell you they like you. Papahirapan ka pa. Gagawin kang
manghuhula. Hinahatid ka na, pinupuntahan ka sa bahay, pero wala namang
sinasabi kung gusto ka. But these men, they know what they want, and they will
tell you.
And so, back to my thoughts…I was telling Alex this morning
that I wanted to write about it. What if…that’s the only way to meet your
would-be partner in life? What if…you just have to take a risk, right on that
very moment, and ask her or introduce yourself to her? What if…that’s the only
chance you can get?
And how do you pick out a face in the crowd? Obviously,
there were hundreds of faces in the place yesterday, but how did the guy see
Cae? How does one pick out someone? Your future partner might be right there,
and you didn't know. Or maybe you already saw her, but you didn't do anything.
And there would be no more second chances. The moment just…passed you by.
Unless, it was like The Lake House, as I reminded Alex. Maybe
now, just like the guy, you are rejected. Or somebody beat you to it. But what if…two
years later, or three, or more, you’ll meet her again, in another place,
another scenario.
In the movie The Lake House (2006, starring Keanu Reeves and
Sandra Bullock), Alex and Kate lived two years apart, with only a mailbox to
communicate from. Because Kate is in the future, she can tell Alex to go to places she has been to look for her, and once he saw her in a train station. He knew her,
but she didn't know him yet that time.
What if…it was like that? What if a stranger
comes up to you and that was just nothing for you. You just forget all about it and think nothing about it. But you didn't know he will be in
your life years from now.
Or what if...a guy likes you and you don't like that guy for now. Because you have someone else. Or you like someone else. Or you're waiting for that someone else. So you're not really paying attention to this guy. What if...he's really the one for you?
Or what if...a guy likes you and you don't like that guy for now. Because you have someone else. Or you like someone else. Or you're waiting for that someone else. So you're not really paying attention to this guy. What if...he's really the one for you?
Of course, I am just being romantic. But if you have not met
or found your partner yet, this sounds nice. And cool. And something to look
forward to. There are 8 billion people in this world, and there is only one for
us, only one we will ever need. Don’t give up on love – it just moves in
mysterious ways.
~TheGoodGirl
Saturday, November 22, 2014
All I Want for Christmas
It’s the time of the year again when each of us is given a
sheet of paper where we write down our Christmas wish list. This gives us
convenience and saves us time in shopping for gifts for the family. It assures
us too that the recipient really likes (read: wants) what he or she is going to
get for Christmas.
Yet, I realize that every year, it gets harder and harder. I
don’t know what else I want. I find it difficult to think of things that I
would like to have. Not that I already have everything. I don’t. I guess I am
just a simple girl who enjoys simple things. Please don’t remind me though of
my LVs, LCs and pairs of Havs – those are my addictions. And luxuries, yes. But
simple things make me happy. Like hankies and make-up, and make-up kits. Or
shawls, scented candles and oh my, pens and paper (notebooks, note pads,
post-its). This must have rubbed off on
my son, as I saw a “2015 Diary” on his wish list. Like who else but TheGoodGirl’s
son would want to have a diary for Christmas. Only Caehl.
I guess what I really want are intangible things – like love,
care, hugs. Good health. peace of mind. Safety. Encouraging words, pats on the back, and jokes, laughter and
giggles. Time with family, and time with friends. Support from officemates. Inspiration
to keep on writing. Phone calls, texts or Viber messages from loved ones. Sticky
notes on my monitor or desk. FB likes, tags, blog page views, retweets, favorites. Photos. Voices. Things
that touch the heart, and deeds that make me smile. And feel appreciated.
Nothing much, really.
~TheGoodGirl
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Words from TheGoodGirl: This Love
A love that is beyond any love
Beyond words
Beyond imagination
Beyond all truths.
A love that is unlike any other love
Incomparable
Invincible
Infinite.
One that you did not know could ever exist
And could remain after all has been said and done.
Despite all the pain
It continues to live
Even long after the heart has died.
Do you believe in such love?
I don't,
Until there was you.
~TheGoodGirl
Monday, November 10, 2014
I Write The Stories
I put the words and the melodies together
I am music and I write the songs...
-From "I Write The
Songs," Barry Manilow
Photo acknowledgment: @landiandesign
Not a few ask me why I write sad pieces. “Tearjerker,” said
Sir Lito. For a (supposed to be) funny girl like me, they find this perplexing.
I write about my amusing and sometimes, annoying van experiences
in my Facebook account. I share them with you because some of you could relate
to my stories, being regular van passengers too. These can happen anywhere,
anytime, to anyone. I just capture the situations as they happened and I am
glad that I can entertain you. Some of you even tell me you look forward to my adventures
every day. Honestly, I don’t come looking for those stories, they come to me. I
was riding with my sister once and I was just too busy chatting with her, when
a passenger approached the dispatcher, “Kuya, punong-puno na po ba talaga?” We
burst into laughter.
What if it’s just puno, and not punong-puno, sasakay pa ba
sya? Or bakit kelangang punong-puno, hindi ba pwedeng puno lang? See, I said to
Lea, hindi ko na kasalanan yan ha. Nananahimik ako dito, nilalapitan talaga
ko ng istorya.
I write about my son Caehl, and the amazing stories about
him. Every day, there’s a new learning from him. And every day, he never fails
to amaze me. I often say he looks like his dad, but every inch of him is just
like me. His hunger for knowledge, his study habits, sense of humor and comic
timing. I may not admit it, but I think
his persistence came from me, too. I can be importunate, too, you know. I would
never give up on something even if it hurts me. Even if everybody else has
given up on me.
I write about my daughter Cae, and the tales of my being a mom to her. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She has her
temper, too, and down times, like me. But I will always be proud of her and I
will always take note of the things she has achieved, which I have not.
I write about my husband, Alex – how we met, how we ended up
together, and how we have spent the last 22 years of our life. Yes, we are not
perfect, and we do have faults and failures as a couple. But we do celebrate
our small victories, and we have stuck it out through the years.
I write about being a daughter, and a sister. I will never
run out of stories about my parents and siblings. Again, we may not be perfect but
the love of this family is absolutely life’s greatest blessing to me. I am
lucky to have them.
I write about being a friend. As you may know by now, I can
be the most loyal person around. It’s difficult to send me away or shut me out.
You may grow tired of me or refuse my love, but I will never ever leave you. I
can just be a shoulder to cry on, I can listen to you without judgment, but if
you ask for my opinion, I will gladly give it. If you want me to pray for
you, I will. With nothing in return. Even if I am not always appreciated. That
is how I am as a friend. You may be million miles away, we may not see each
other that much - it does not matter. I am always here.
I write about my job and how I love the company I am working
for – the many blessings I have received from it and how it loves me back.
Loyalty may not always get you anywhere, but then again, I am not going anywhere.
I write about love and life’s lessons. True, they may not
always be on the bright side, but that’s the way it is. If my writings make you
cry, then cry. If they are sad, then maybe that’s the real picture I want to
paint. Life is not always about laughter and joy. Even if we always shun
negativity and sad things, they are always a part and parcel of our daily
living. And we have to face that, so that we can cope and move on, go with the flow. We have to
learn from our mistakes, and become better persons.
Why do people climb mountains? Because they’re there.
It’s the same thing with writers. It's how we live. And survive.
~TheGoodGirl
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Words from TheGoodGirl: Black Hole
There are things that you keep
And things that you hide.
There's a difference between the two.
I used to keep your photos
Your messages
And phone calls,
Your touch
Your voice,
And all memories of you
In a special place where I thought they should be
Where I can always peek
Or go back to anytime.
I used to keep you
In my dreams
In my heart
In my life,
Where I thought you should rightfully belong.
But there are things best hidden
Or even thrown away.
And now I have made up my mind
To put them
Where they can no longer cause pain
Bitterness
And tears.
Where I can no longer retrieve them and
Where I can no longer return.
They don't matter anymore,
The same way you don't.
~TheGoodGirl
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Letters to Juliet
In the 2010 movie Letters to Juliet (starring Amanda Seyfried and oh-so gorgeous Gael Garcia Bernal), an American girl visits Italy
and discovers a letter, one of the many letters left by heartbroken people at Romeo and Juliet’s Verona courtyard. If there were such letters, I am
sharing that I have my own – written by myself for myself.
Some of them are happy, optimistic – written when I was in a
fantastic mood, feeling light, hopeful and joyful and enthusiastic. Then there are the
typical dark, poignant ones – written when, yes, things are not doing great in
my life. I don’t know which outnumbers which, but these letters are my life.
And if you are able to read one or even two, you would see through my soul. And
you would know the real me - the stories behind my stories, the tales behind my
tales. In the same way that I (literally) talk to myself, I write to myself
because I want to see the feelings, experiences in written form – which I
cannot express to another person or share with someone else. And in this way, I
can let it out and give it life. And yes, immortalize it.
Sometimes, I find the
courage to go back and read them again. And more often than not, when I go over
the not-so-cheerful letters, I cringe, I get embarrassed, I get mad. I find
some funny though, like “Was this really me at that time?” Sometimes, the
feelings and memories would go back. If you refer to my blog header, that’s
what I really do mostly – sit by the window, staring at nothing.
But it works both ways. The better part I guess, is reading
again the other set of letters. Happiness after all is contagious. When you
surround yourself with happy people, smiles, laughter, encouragement, and most especially love from your family and people that matter, you can’t
go wrong. And happiness, after everything has been said and done, is a choice. We
have to choose to be happy and we have to keep choosing it.
~TheGoodGirl
Monday, November 3, 2014
Regrets That You Regret Regretting
“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most,
are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely
because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what
could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the
world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in
us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”
― Fernando Pessoa
When I turned 30 last 2001, I wrote a piece entitled, “Writing
30”, which summarized my regrets in all
my 30 years - things I was not able to do, my could have beens, should have
beens and if onlys.
After a while, except for one, I realized that there are regrets that you regret regretting. Later on, I decided that I can live
with those things undone. I can forgive myself for those lapses. And then after a while, I found out I have additional ones - things I wish I have done when I was younger, when time was on my side. And now, there's little time, and there are no more chances left.
Then there are deeds or feelings or experiences in your past that you regret doing or feeling or going through. There are things that you just wish didn't happen at all. It may be due to naivety, fake ignorance or worse, plain stupidity. You knew that they were wrong and wouldn't do any good to you, and yet, you were stubborn. You knew the consequences, and yet you pushed through with it. When you were younger, you didn't know, so perhaps there’s an excuse. But when you’re older, like I am now (well, that has been 13 years ago), and you look back, you say, “Hell! What was I doing that time?” And even if you want to hit your head on the wall, you can’t make them disappear. You can’t even turn back the time, undo things and start all over like they never happened.
Then there are deeds or feelings or experiences in your past that you regret doing or feeling or going through. There are things that you just wish didn't happen at all. It may be due to naivety, fake ignorance or worse, plain stupidity. You knew that they were wrong and wouldn't do any good to you, and yet, you were stubborn. You knew the consequences, and yet you pushed through with it. When you were younger, you didn't know, so perhaps there’s an excuse. But when you’re older, like I am now (well, that has been 13 years ago), and you look back, you say, “Hell! What was I doing that time?” And even if you want to hit your head on the wall, you can’t make them disappear. You can’t even turn back the time, undo things and start all over like they never happened.
These experiences SHOULD make a better person out of you,
right? You should have learned from those mistakes, turned pains into power,
and wounds into wisdom. They say that you have an excuse if the mistake/s
happened the first time. After all, life didn't come with instructions. But if it
happens more than once, you’re already a fool. What happens when you never
learn? What becomes of you when you do commit the same mistake/s again?
Are you guilty of this? Do you sometimes wish you could go
back to that time when you were at the crossroads, making a crucial decision, and
that instead of taking the wrong road, you took the right one? You knew better
because you have been there, done that. And yet you took a risk, and opted for
the unpopular choice. You would think that those past mistakes, lessons,
experiences of yours have made you a more critical person. And you thought you had
been wiser than before. But now, you don’t know anymore.
American writer Libba Bray said, “We all do things we desperately
wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with
everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it's like chasing
clouds.”
~TheGoodGirl
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Where do broken hearts go?
"I remember everything. How you smelled, how you tasted
like the summer. The feel of your skin against mine, and the sound of your
whispers as I loved you...I am grateful for having at least found you. We could
have flashed by one another like two pieces of cosmic dust...And all the
philosophic rationalizations I can conjure up do not keep me from wanting you,
every day, every moment, the merciless wail of time, of time I can never spend
with you, deep within my head..."
Robert Kincaid, The Bridges of Madison
County
#Alabang forever without you...can't do anything about the gloom. It's how it is #talesofthegoodgirl http://instagram.com/p/utw3QImFMx/
The hardest part in a failed or hopeless relationship is
picking up the pieces. Acceptance that it can never prosper or it’s not meant
to be is one thing, fixing a broken heart is another.
I've had several relationships in the past and if someone
will ask me if I would go through each one of them again, I think I would -
except for The End part.
True, the mere thought of parting with someone you have gone
out with, been involved with, been in love with and whom you have shared a part
of your life with, is a thought that you wouldn't want to dwell on. It doesn't
matter whether that person has been in your life for days, or months or years.
It really doesn't matter. Breaking up and - breaking your heart - is really a most painful thing to go
through.
The thought of losing that person, "unattaching"
or "disengaging" or "separating" yourself from the person
and the relationship itself is simply unthinkable. I have always been a
survivor of heartaches and failed relationships and I always tell myself that
sulking for a while, crying for a while and being miserable for a while is all
a part of it. You are entitled to it, after all. Afterwards, you move on. Life
goes on. But before that
"liberation" part is the process of "disentangling", the
process of letting go and letting be. And it could be the bloodiest part of
all. Just thinking of saying goodbye, missing that person, living your life
without him stops you. You tell yourself you can still endure a few more
heartaches with him, continue to be miserable with him. That even though you've
had enough and you want to end it all, the thought of going through the parting
process holds you back.
For me, the heart being broken part is actually the hardest part of
all, one thing that you don't want to go through again and again because the
pain is simply unbearable. I, for one, have always been a person who gives it
all in loving somebody. I don't hold back, I don't believe in loving halfway. I
fall in love unconditionally and I always invest so much, emotionally, in a
relationship. That is why the separation pangs are enough to kill me. I've lost
persons I love, and let go of relationships. I've cried many times shamelessly
and I've gone through a lot. This is the reason why I know how hard it is and I
know I don't want to feel the same pain over and over again. Sometimes, even if
I want to put an end to a relationship, what stops me is the thought of going
through this merciless process. It's a kind of hurting that sometimes you feel
your heart cannot take it any longer. And how the heart continues to endure
this is a fact that continues to amaze me up to this very minute.
But yes, Whitney, even broken hearts can find their way
home.
~TheGoodGirl
Monday, October 20, 2014
Words from TheGoodGirl: Ashes
ASHES
I was careful not to tap the cigarette
I was careful not to tap the cigarette
Dangling from my hand
Lest the ashes fall
As I wanted to see how long it can cling,
Similar to how I feel for you.
I wanted it to stay
For as long as it can
But you have long decided,
Before I could.
And now as I flick the ashes onto the ground
I say goodbye to the silver grey particles,
And to you, too.
~TheGoodGirl
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Something's Gotta Give
Erica Barry: I don't want my bearings. I've had my bearings my whole goddamn life. I feel something with you I never really knew existed. Do you know what that's like, after a 20-year marriage to feel something for another person that is so...? That... Oh, Right. Right. Not your problem. God. Do you know that I've written this, but I never really got it? Do you know what this is?
- Something's Gotta Give (2003)
Do you have, or have you had, a “eureka” or “a-ha!” moment?
Mine comes in the form of goosebumps.
I get goosebumps when I suddenly feel something
life-changing, when I discover something, when I make up my mind to do
something, when I finally say “This is it”, when I snap myself out of
something, like when I've had enough and that has got to stop, I have to give
it up, let it go or I have to move on. Something’s gotta give. Hell, yeah.
This is the signal I usually get when I have to make an
important decision, and it’s not always a calm or serene moment. Sometimes
there’s a war going on inside me and I don’t know which option to take or path
to choose. Sometimes it takes a while before I say, “Ok, that’s it,” like a
director yelling “Pack up” to his crew.
That’s the moment when there’s a tingling, hair-raising,
prickly feeling that’s telling me something. I admit that it’s taken me quite a
while to finally pay attention to the goosebumps. They've been popping up for
sometime but I would always ignore them. But they are too frequent to overlook.
There have been signs everywhere, without me asking for it. I knew that it was
too good to be true, it cannot continue forever, and that something would
happen sooner or later.
And I think this is it.
I’m going back to purple. And I think I will cry first.
~TheGoodGirl
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Something Stupid Like...I Like You
"Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you."
Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys
A simple question, such as “Do you like me?” can be complicated between two people of the opposite sex, as I found out recently.
A girl feels the need to ask this question because:
- She does not want to assume that the guy likes her.
- She wants to be sure, wants assurance that yes, the guy likes her.
- She wants to hear it, straight from the horse’s mouth, period.
- She wants to know where she stands.
- She does not know the answer, period.
On the other hand, a guy does not reply or sees no need to
answer the question, because:
- He does not have to say it, as his “Action speaks louder than words.”
- He does not want to commit.
- He is playing safe.
- He does not like the girl.
- He does not know the answer, period.
Why do people make things complicated, when in fact, a simple
yes or no answer may suffice. But I guess that’s what makes men different from
women. Sometimes, you just have to read between the lines. But sometimes, you may read too much. Or read them wrong. There are those “How to Know if a Guy Likes You“
quizzes and in real life, you really can’t
figure them out. Frustrating yes? I forgot who said (or wrote) it but it goes something
like this: “It took a long time, but I've
finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in
you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention
to what they do.”
In the movie He's Just Not That Into You (2009), Gigi
(Ginnifer Goodwin) said: “...sometimes
we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the
signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones
who will stay and the ones who will leave… knowing after all the unreturned
phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through
all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.
In the same movie, Alex (Justin Long) said: “So
trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a sh*t, he
genuinely doesn't give a sh*t. No exceptions.”
With a woman, it’s either black or white. You don’t have to wait for
signs, you don’t have to guess. She either likes
you or not. No in-betweens. No middle ground. No grey areas. She says it. She shows it. Plain. And pure. And simple.
With men, they could say one thing, then another, then act inconsistently. Confusing. Irritating.
Exasperating.
But we like them anyway, yes?
Unfortunately.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
The Weighing Game
My daughter has always been an attention-getter. When she
walks by, people would really notice her and stare at her with no effort from her at all. Laging pinagkakaguluhan - supermarket, donut shop, name it. She’s not really
what you call “beautiful beautiful”, but she knows how to highlight her assets, has grown in the right places and has this effect on you, especially on boys. Her Dad and I would always kid
her, “Para kaming alalay mo,” whenever we are walking together.
Perhaps that has been my greatest motivation in finally
trying to lose weight. Not that I didn't feel good about myself. To begin with, I have a small built. Two pregnancies and perhaps, my being a couch potato and my laziness, account for the excess weight. For the past
year or so, I have been on a no-rice diet but I am not sure if it did anything to me.
I didn't want people to say, “Mommy nya yun?” in a tone that seems to mean,
“Bakit hindi niya kamukha?” or “Bakit hindi maganda?” And when they see Alex,
they would conclude, “Ah, nagmana pala sa daddy niya.” Hey, my daughter looks like me. But if I keep looking like this, they won't see that. This is my fear. Enough said.
I retained rice during breakfast, and would eat only a
little during lunch and dinner. There would be cheat days, of course. But I
also added exercise to my evening routine. Lunges, crunches, sit-ups and push-ups. I
gave up 3-in-1 coffee as I was told they contain a lot of calories. But I still
do take tea sometimes, and pineapple juice, and water with lemon or cucumber. I am addicted to sodas, but I think I can curb the addiction a bit.
After a
while, I felt the difference. From a large size, I am now down to medium. And
from 131 lbs, I am now 122. Although my waistline has become smaller, I still
have this tummy. So I’m working on it, and on my arms. I’ve always been proud
of my pair of legs. And even if my skin is not that flawless, it’s clear and
fair. "Mommy, paliit ka na nang paliit," Alex would tell me everyday. At 43, I am happy with how I look and how people would tell me that I
don’t look my age. Thank you so much. I hope you’re not just teasing me.
Parang sister mo lang
si Cae. Objective achieved. At least, something is happening here. I can
now wear the clothes I like, eat what I like, and I think that when I am with
Cae, I would also get a few second glances and can still turn heads. And when they say, “Mommy nya yun?”
I hope it’s said in awe and admiration – and could evoke inspiration. #MayIgagandaPaPala #PushPa
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Words from TheGoodGirl: Kaleidoscope / Roller Coaster
KALEIDOSCOPE
As you rotate the kaleidoscope
The objects shift
And the reflection changes,
Moving from one pattern to another.
Just like the emotions you evoke in me -
One second the colors are bright
Only to darken the next.
I am helpless.
ROLLER COASTER
Like a roller coaster ride
My world goes up and down
In your hand.
You lift me high
Only to bring me down.
The loops
Twists and turns
Free falls
You take me
In an exhilarating ride
Then bring it to a stop
I don't know why.
~TheGoodGirl
Images from: http://gregegan.customer.netspace.net.au/images/Kaleidoscope.gif
http://stopsellingvanillaicecream.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Roller-Coaster.jpg
As you rotate the kaleidoscope
The objects shift
And the reflection changes,
Moving from one pattern to another.
Just like the emotions you evoke in me -
One second the colors are bright
Only to darken the next.
I am helpless.
ROLLER COASTER
Like a roller coaster ride
My world goes up and down
In your hand.
You lift me high
Only to bring me down.
The loops
Twists and turns
Free falls
You take me
In an exhilarating ride
Then bring it to a stop
I don't know why.
~TheGoodGirl
Images from: http://gregegan.customer.netspace.net.au/images/Kaleidoscope.gif
http://stopsellingvanillaicecream.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Roller-Coaster.jpg
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Words from TheGoodGirl: Memory Jars
Inside my mind
And heart,
There is a library of memories.
And heart,
There is a library of memories.
The memories are contained in jars,
Categorized into years
And persons.
There are memories
(or years or persons)
That I choose not to remember at all.
They’re in the shadowy recesses of my mind,
Like dark aisles in a library.
I keep them there as I don’t want to be reminded
Of experiences or moments
That were humiliating,
Frightening,
Hurting
Heartbreaking.
Heartbreaking.
Such memories, unfortunately, never leave.
They just stay in our consciousness:
A person of the past
Death
A failed relationship
Insecurity or fear...
And you just push the jars back.
In a visit to the library,
I recently opened one,
I recently opened one,
Without realizing the consequences.
The memories rushed out,
Like a flood.
I was not able to control the outpour,
I was carried away
And got lost.
Yet after the initial deluge,
I sifted the experiences
And as I go through each moment,
And as I go through each moment,
All I could do was to stop and stare in awe,
And remember (everything) in wonder.
Yes, you are here again
And I'm back to square one now.
I opted to replace the lid
And close the jar,
Returning it to where it belongs – the past.
Yet I am setting aside another empty jar
Waiting for you to fill it up again.
This time,
With forever.
~TheGoodGirl
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Birthday Blog from TheGoodGirl
When I was a kid, I used to look forward to Mr. Postman
delivering my birthday cards from my grandparents and aunt in the US. My lola
and Mama Baybee never failed to send me one. Sometimes, there would be a dollar
inside - such heartwarming childhood memories that will stay forever in my
heart.
Then when the mobile phone era came, I would wait for my
papa’s all-caps birthday SMS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANAK. LOVE, PAPA AND MAMA. After
hearing Mass, I would call them up to thank them - for my life and for all the love. And there would always be tears in my eyes afterwards.
It has become an annual tradition – this birthday blog of
mine. Every year, the things that I am thankful for are piling up, and the
things that I want or wish for are getting fewer. It’s not that I have much, I don’t. It’s just
that when you get older, you know what really matters (like the dollars, joke)
and what doesn't (anymore).
Once again (pardon the litany), thank You Lord:
- For 43 wonderful years - There were rough and sad times, but they made me a stronger person. The happy times made me softer. Thank You for the highs and the lows. The good times and the bad. I am what I am now because of these. Thank you Lord for the gifts and talents that I continue to share with others.
- For my papa and mama - I hope I have become the person you wanted me to be. I miss you Papa. Mama, your voice over the phone is enough.
- For my 2 Cs - Caitlin and Caehl, you are my priceless gems and you always bring me so much happiness. A mom can’t ask for anything more.
- For The Squids - You are simply the best. No words come close enough.
- For my niece, nephews and grand-niece – You are our pride and joy.
- For my relatives who are always at our side - for better or worse.
- For my in-laws - Thank you for being good to me.
- For my “angels” Ev and Novy – Thank you for making my life easier so I can perform my job better.
- For Insular Life - You have given me so much. I am giving it back to you. Thank you to my Insular Life family as well. I love birthday leaves.
- For my friends – Thank you for always being there, regardless of distance and time zone. High school. College. Office. Neighborhood. FB. Thicker waistlines, creases and wrinkles and domestic problems and all.
- For those who are not in my litany – You are not in the list - but in my heart. I simply cannot have everything. But I am grateful for the little infinity. Perhaps in another lifetime. I will always be here. That’s all.
- For Alex - Here’s to the snow that sometimes comes down in June, and the sun that sometimes goes 'round the moon. Save the best for last, Dad.
But I want more Louis Vuitton and Longchamp bags, and Havaianas slippers. I am a girl, after all.
Friday, August 8, 2014
No Pain, No Gain
“Pain is easy to write. In pain we're all happily
individual. But what can one write about happiness?”
― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair
Sadness they say is a great motivator, especially for
writers. So, does it mean that when I don’t write or when I couldn't
write, I’m happy? Do I have to be in pain to write?
Sometimes I do get writer’s block. I am just a mortal. While
there are so many things going on and happening inside my head, I can’t seem to
put it all down in writing. That’s why sometimes I resort to Facebook or
Twitter when I just have to share it, and I don’t have enough time to blog.
Sometimes, I lose a lot of beautiful gems of thought and sentiment along the
way, as they end up in a black hole. Sometimes, I have incomplete or unfinished
entries. What started out as a nice promising blog would be just a paragraph or
two, the inspiration already missing and cannot be found even if I go back to
it.
But sadness (or lack of it) has nothing to do with it. Maybe
when I’m sad, words come easily, driven by the pain or the emotions involved.
And the tendency is to share that feeling to other people who would care to
listen and sympathize, to lessen the pain a bit. If it demands to be felt, then
it needs to be shared. To allow other people to learn from that pain, or gain
something from the experience. Why not, Oprah Winfrey advised us to turn our
wounds into wisdom, didn't she?
Writing when you’re happy is another story. For one, when you
are happy and you want to share that happiness, sometimes you run the risk of
rubbing some people the wrong way. They might accuse you of gloating, or making
yabang instead of inspiring them or making them feel happy for you. I have seen
a lot of posts / statuses in Facebook where the person shows off a
relationship, a job, an achievement, or acquisition, and more often
than not, the feelings he / suhe has evoked from his / her audience are probably
not the desired one.
“Yabang naman.”
“Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa iyo.”
“Ikaw na!”
“Siksik, liglig,
nag-uumapaw ka na sa blessings, tirhan mo naman kami.”
“Neseye ne eng lehet.”
So is it easier then to gain sympathy when you’re bleeding,
than win approvals when you’re on top of the world?
You be the judge.
~TheGoodGirl
Friday, July 25, 2014
The pain that won’t go away
Image from http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/p/keep-calm-and-enter-the-red-room-of-pain/
Sometimes there’s an ache that’s not
physical but you can almost feel it just the same. And it won’t disappear. It won’t go away.
Sometimes the pain is called love. The
kind that is not reciprocated. The kind that is oh so one way or one-sided. The
kind that is unrequited. The kind that is not appreciated by the recipient.
In a previous blog, when my daughter Caitlin was younger, I wrote that I dreaded the day she falls in love and feels the first pain.
Just over lunch yesterday, I was standing by the
pantry window and joked that I would stay there until my Prince Charming comes
along. And they said that I would
probably wait there for a long time. Moral: Ang
hirap maghintay ng Prince Charming talaga.
Why is love so elusive? What makes it
elusive? And even if you have found it, sometimes it turns out that it’s not
meant for you. And it’s even more heartbreaking - knowing that you can’t have
the person. I think it was James Patterson who wrote that “What’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”
But someone else put it perfectly. “A person doesn't know true hurt and suffering until they've felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affections lie elsewhere.”
And meanwhile, a teen actress said, “Love should be precious, not painful.”
Sometimes, in my Facebook newsfeed, I see posts which one can easily decode as the person “being in love” and I would tell myself, “Naku, masasaktan lang ito.”
- Hindi ka niya type.
- Friend-zoned.
- He/she doesn’t see you as anyone except as a friend.
- Parang kayo pero parang hindi.
- Parang gusto ka niya pero parang hindi.
- Gusto ka niya pero hindi puwede.
- Minsan gusto ka niya, pero madalas hindi.
- Akala mo lang gusto ka niya.
- He/she likes you but he/she has someone else.
- Or he/she likes somebody else.
- May iba na siya.
- He/she only remembers you when he/she needs something.
- Back-up ka lang. Reserba. Sideline. Raket.
- Ayaw ka na niya. Dati, oo. Ngayon, hindi na.
- Hindi talaga ubra. Hindi talaga puwede. Kahit pagbali-baligtarin mo man ang mundo.
There are pains that just won’t go away. And
you are left with two choices. Accept that they have no (medical) treatments and
- make them go away by walking away or
- endure the pain.
It’s really up to you.
Because, as said in the novel Kill me Softly, “…if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved
back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything
else.”
~TheGoodGirl
~TheGoodGirl
Author's Disclaimer: I just write about love
and relationships. Please don't ask if this is about me :)
You may want to read:
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Street Smart
We finally had Kikay back.
As you may know, our beautiful 10-year old ruby red Honda
City was hit by a Ford Escape last June 21, just a few streets from ours. It
was a good thing that no one was hurt when it happened. Everything was taken
care of the Escape’s owner (a multinational company whose insurance provider made
it possible for the repair shop to pick up Kikay from our house). Except for
the trip to the police station on that fateful afternoon, and Alex picking it
up last July 12 from Sta. Rosa, we did not lift a finger – thank God.
It left us carless for three weeks, though. Going home, I
don’t really care much about commuting because I am used to it. But going to
the office in the morning, it’s really an effort on my part. It takes 45
minutes vs my usual 15 minutes as I have to take 2 rides - tricycle and van. Plus waiting
time until the van is full. Plus traffic along Canlalay (Biñan) going to SLEX. Plus smoke
(and gasoline smell) getting in my hair and on my skin. Plus having to pack my heeled
shoes along, and just wear flats on my way to the office.
Someone thought it might be a good source for new adventures
for the TheGoodGirl. On my first few days, though, everyone in the van seemed to be
asleep, and I was the only one who was up and restless. If this is the way
things would go, I don’t have a tale to tell, I thought. But it seems that I am
really a “story magnet”. There were stories and adventures to share, after all.
Usually, I would catch the 630-645am trip, and more often than not, it would
have the same set of passengers. Including two officemates. There’s this girl with her yaya (although the latter looks
like an aunt) who at first would pay for fare for two, but later on, when it
increased from Php45 to Php50, kandong na lang. I was beside them one time and
the girl was kind of “malikot”. Her feet were up the whole time and I was
afraid her rubber shoes would smear my light-colored dress. Moral: Don’t wear
dumihin dresses when commuting. Para walang sisihan.
And there’s this man beside me who was paying for his fare, and
he said he’s a senior citizen. The driver said, “Ows, di nga?”
Pinatulan naman niya
ang driver.
“Oo, 60 na ako.”
The driver replied, “Parang hindi naman halata.
Parang 59 lang.”
Tuwang-tuwa naman si Mr. Senior Citizen.
LOL I was like, pati
pala guys share this age joke among themselves.
The same driver said, “Magtataas
na po kami sa July 7 ha.”
Mr. Senior Citizen asked me, “Kailan daw?”
“Sa July 7
daw po,” I replied. “Sa Monday.”
After a while, he asked for the time. “May
7(am) na ba?”
I said, “Wala pa po, quarter to seven pa lang.”
Then he laughed.
I was puzzled, may nakakatawa kaya sa sinabi ko? O natural comedienne lang
talaga ako? Hindi po ako si Gina, si Karen po.
Meanwhile...During our tricycle ride one morning, after dropping off
Alex in the nearest shuttle station, I was surprised because the driver
recognized me.
“Ma’am, kumusta na po kotse ninyo?” He said he was there when
the accident happened. So for the next 5 minutes, we were having a conversation,
and I kind of enjoyed it.
Then, another morning, the tricycle driver was talking to
the girl at the back ride.
"College ka na ba?” he asked.
I think the girl replied that she was going to
Malayan Colleges (Cabuyao, Laguna).
For the next ten minutes or so, I was listening
to his “words of wisdom”.
“Pano ang schedule mo? “Anong oras ka na nakakauwi?”
Don’t worry about his questions. I didn’t think he’s a bad guy. Parang
father-like lang.
“Magkano tuition nyo?” “Magkano baon mo?” "Tapos, pagkain pa.”
I couldn’t hear the girl’s reply over the vroom-vroom sounds.
Then he said, “Ah
ganun? Tapos wawalanghiyain lang ng iba ang magulang (nila).”
He advised the
girl to study hard and finish her schooling. “Mahirap (ang) hindi nagtapos ng
pag-aaral.”
See, so you believe me now?
See, so you believe me now?
Jo, you were right. There was so much to write about and share. All you have to do is listen. I can’t say I’m
missing my morning commuting days, but it was fun, too, while it lasted. Here’s
to more tales and adventures of TheGoodGirl! Cheers to the commuting public!
~TheGoodGirl
~TheGoodGirl
Thursday, July 17, 2014
The Morning After (PUSH and “at leasts”)
When I went to bed the night of July 15, despite DOST PAGASA’s
warning, little did we know what would actually hit us.
Heavy rains and strong winds which brought about power
fluctuations woke me up around 130am of July 16 (same date of the killer
earthquake in 1990). I was scared that our roof would get blown away as the
winds grew stronger and stronger. I kept on praying that I think I have called
on all the saints in the world.
I checked the kitchen and the dining room once
more (as they are the most vulnerable areas in our house when it rains) and
just stayed awake. Our wireless router is still on, and my mobile is still on
3G. Then around 4am, the power died. Same with my Globe signal. I got up to fill
the bathroom pails with water as water supply is the first to go when power fails.
As usual, my restlessness roused Caehl and there we were,
hugging each other, with his tiny stuffed monkey Avi, between us. “Mommy, protect
me. Please pray,” he kept on saying.
Since I was not able to sleep at all, it was shortly before
9am when I finally came out of the room. Our front door was still locked, and all the
windows were shut. It was still raining a bit. Come 1030am, it stopped, and the
winds were dwindling.
I stepped out in our terrace. It was a messy lot. My laundry
area was a disaster. I felt sorry for the fishes, as they have no oxygen, they were in a huddle in one corner of the aquarium. And what do you know, a wedding was going on in our parish. They
probably decided it was too late to cancel it. Network signal was still out but
I managed to receive a few SMS from my sister-in-law, friends and officemates. Checking
out our street, we found a broken lamp post, with the lamp hanging on by a thread;
broken branches and a fallen Max’s sign on Tita Helen’s store.
Broken lamp post
Bye Ninong Max!
Poor fishy-fishy
Vehicles (owned by people attending the wedding) were parked in
front of my house, a Suzuki APV blocking our driveway. A man, who lives on the next street,
was shouting at the driver.
“Hindi naman yata yan lalabas (referring to us / our
car), i-parada mo na diyan.”
The driver saw me watching them, “Hindi ba kayo
lalabas?” he repeated.
“Sabi mo eh,“ I replied, showing my annoyance. “Assuming
ka.”
My point was, whether we were going out or not, you don’t just block someone else's driveway,
right? The parking lot beside the church was big enough anyway.
After lunch (Question: What is it with rains that makes people hungry? My mag-aama ate heartily), I was again sleepy. Question 2: What is it with rains that makes people sleepy? I woke up around 3pm. Since it was
already clear, I asked Caehl if he wanted to buy some stuff from the
supermarket. Actually, all I wanted was to buy another box of champorado, as
there was only one pack left in the cupboard. We had enough food and supplies
anyway, it was just an excuse to get out of the house. Cabin fever. "To escape boredom," as Caehl put it.
In Pacita Complex, Caehl was counting fallen trees and store
signs, shaking his head and hating all of it. In Shopwise, it was hot and the
skeletal force was not enough for the shoppers. Again, despite the warnings
from PAGASA, it seems everyone was not prepared, buying the storm essentials
only on that afternoon, after Glenda happened.
While in line, Caehl almost had a tantrum attack (but mainly
because he was hungry and he didn't know it).
The lady in front of us said something to her companion. Caehl turned to me and said, “Did you hear that, Mommy? She has no signal.”
He asked Alex, “How about you, Daddy? Do you have a signal?” When his dad said no, he was distraught. “What’s the percentage? As in 0 percent?”
“Mommy, it’s an awful
day,” he said, starting to cry. I hugged and kissed him and assured him that
everything will be all right. We just have to wait for power to be restored, I told
him.
Then he said, “But at least, there are “at leasts” in what
happened, Mommy.”
“What do you mean?" I asked.
“At least, we’re together, we’re safe, we have food, we have
money to buy things, and we have our car back,” he enumerated. I guess this is his own
version of counting blessings during a bad situation. “Just PUSH. Pray until
something happens.“
The wisdom of a child indeed.
“How about you, Mommy? What are your at leasts?”
“Same as yours," I said, adding that at least, a tree didn't
fall on our house, our roof was intact, there’s enough water supply. But - our laundry
area was a disaster, I repeated my observation to him.
“Don’t say that,” he said.
“Say what?” I asked.
“Disaster," he replied. “Just PUSH.”
“You’re a changed boy,” Alex and I told him, ruffling his
hair and admiring him.
Twilight. A view from our terrace
We shared champorado and dilis in the terrace as we all
decided to dine al fresco for a change. Still with no electricity, our boy
entertained us and our guests (Inna and Manang) with his funny stories and
antics, and learned a card game.
When it was time to call it a day, Caehl, nudging closer to
me, whispered, “Mommy, it was fun.”
“No longer awful?” I asked.
“Because we’re together and safe,” he said.
Remember, #JustPUSH.
~TheGoodGirl
~TheGoodGirl
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