Girl Interrupted

As my favorite saying goes, “Cream will always rise to the top.”

Thanks, Macky, for this shot :)

The news of a high school salutatorian who was stopped by teachers and administrators from delivering her speech brought back a lot of memories.

Not that I was interrupted too, or that I had grievances to air.

I recall that our school directress asked our salutatorian (Godfrey) and me to submit a copy of our speech, and a day or two after, we had a dry run. At that time, I thought it was just a formality, and that she was just making sure that the program would go without a hitch. Later on, I realized that we were asked to practice our speech before her to ensure that what we submitted was the one we memorized and the one we were going to deliver.

My Insular Life Gold Eagle Award

Anyways, I remember my own experience 27 years ago. Like a bride, I was the last to walk down the aisle with my parents. My speech was a light one. I just cited the many people and things I (thought I) would be going to miss after high school life. It was all about high school memories, learning, friendship, love,  laughter and even cafeteria food. And if ever there was something I didn’t like about the school or its administration, it never entered my mind to inject it in my valedictory address. For one, it wasn't the appropriate time. It was my moment. I was after all the valedictorian. So why should I be bitter? Who was I to complain? Why should I mention or highlight not-so-good or not-so-happy things in my speech? It was my turn to show gratitude – to my school, to my parents, to my teachers, to my classmates, to my friends. Everyone was in a nostalgic and euphoric mood. Parents were teary-eyed, my batch mates looked (well, it seemed to me) jubilant. It wasn’t a time to evoke unpleasant memories or thoughts or feelings. It wasn’t a time to stir up issues.

Perhaps it’s just me. Well, yeah, this is just me. You might say, porke masaya ka.  Porke ikaw ang valedictorian. Kaya mo nasasabi yan. I know. And I understand the sentiment. Some people might have resented me being there. Some people might have the feeling that I didn’t deserve being there. Paano naman yung hindi sold sa akin, paano naman yung hindi masaya, paano naman yung hindi bilib sa resulta? That I wouldn’t know now. Come on, it was 1988.

True, I admired the young girl’s courage. Mabuhay ka, Krisel. Not everyone would have the guts to do that, and to go on and on even if the school officials have asked her to stop many times. And she has chosen UST for college. Another ganda point for her from me. But on second thought, what if she was our salutatorian, and I was the valedictorian? Even though she was attacking the school, not me, she insinuated in her speech that there was injustice, that she was cheated out of being named valedictorian. Thus, am I being discredited? Does it mean I’m not credible to get the top honors? That I don’t deserve it, because there was cheating or favoritism involved? If she were a victim, then I am also a victim. Kawawa naman ako. I wouldn’t want to be in her place.

I also recall having a conversation with my daughter when she was about to graduate from high school in 2010. While I was fixing Cae’s hair that morning, she was admiring their valedictorian who seemed to get all the awards. I told her, “Ako rin naman nun.”  And I was thinking, did my batch mates admire me, too? What did they really feel about me then? Well, in fairness to us, what are you valedictorian for, anyway, if others would get more or as much awards, right? Para que pa na valedictorian ka, or first honor ka, kung may ibang mas maraming awards pa sa iyo. Logical lang naman yun di ba?

Yet it’s true, again, that honors, awards, medals, recognitions are merely icing on the cake. Palabok. Rewards. I agree that these do not define you as a person or as a student. Because the real battle is outside the gates of the school, the real life. When you graduate with top honors, it does not guarantee you a job (but admit it or not, come hiring or recruitment stage, this will come in handy), a good life, and most of all, a good heart. They make you feel good, yes. Sino ba ang ayaw ng honors? Ang saya kaya, and it gives you a certain kind of high. You’re not just one of the guys. You’re proud of yourself, you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You have something to give back to your parents, or to your family (or whoever is supporting you). Doon man lang, may consolation sila. Ang hirap kaya magpaaral.

In real life, most people would look past your scholastic achievements, and would rather focus on how you tackle your job, how you deal with others, how you bring up your children, how you are as a person, and so on. Maybe it’s important, too. Maybe it’s not. Depends on how you look at it. Maybe it’s for you. Maybe it’s more for your parents. Or maybe for your children, or future children. The important thing is not to stop learning. You don’t stop learning after high school or after college. Life is a never-ending learning process. And you don’t stop being good, or doing good. Even if you are interrupted at times.

~TheGoodGirl

This is a happy blog

Floating like a feather, pull me down I'm stuck in the clouds

-This Is A Happy Song, Hale (2008)

Do I miss being sad? Of course not. I haven’t been writing about sadness for quite a while. Do I miss it? No, I don’t. Although I admit I write more when I feel sad. I write easily owing to sadness because may pinaghuhugutan, or words pour out easily. And there are more subjects to write about. But I haven’t been sad lately.

I’m not saying I have everything. I don’t. And I won’t claim that my life is perfect. But I am happy with what I have, and I’m happy at this point in my life. They say that with less expectations, (you end up with) less disappointments. I mentioned in one of my blogs that I have been praying for something, asking Him for something I want so badly. But He just won’t give in. Or maybe I already have the answer. He gave me other things, more than I think I deserved. Maybe that’s His answer – Pam, I’ll give you something else.

I love my 7am-4pm daily routine. I love my work. In fact, this is the time of the year when I get to tackle my most favorite event – our annual awards night. I remember texting my boss to thank her for keeping me in the Program Committee. And she texted back, saying she’s glad. I love the work-life balance that my job offers. I get to spend time with my kids (although Cae’s shift is forever changing). I can window-shop (or actually shop) while doing errands and have lots of ‘me’ time. My bedroom is my sanctuary and there, I can write on my journal, watch PBA and Grimm and Vikings and old movies, and surf the net. Caehl and I have our mom-and-son moments. We would discuss anything, or should I say, he “lectures” about anything – like what makes humans different, chemical elements, light years, constellation, life beyond Earth, solutions to light pollution, ironic photos. Caehl and I have the same brand of humor. We laugh together a lot, and we hug each other a lot. Sometimes, I wait for my husband to pick me up, and we would watch a movie or have dinner before going home. When he’s home early, I take comfort in listening to him on the keyboard, playing classical pieces. Although I seldom hang out with Cae since she started working, I look forward to spending time with her - eating out, shopping. And then there are my siblings, even if it means just exchanging Viber group messages. My sister-in-law. My niece. My nephews. My friends. My cooking. My writings. My bags. My Havs. These are my happy times. They are my happy place. And even if I tend to write less of them, it doesn’t mean they’re less important. Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

I wished I had left the computer running. Jill was right. There really was so much to write about.

-        from Writer’s Block, Pamela Acuña-Capiz, short fiction published in Celebrity World magazine

~

     ~TheGoodGirl 

The Long and Short of it

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

“Da, kung hindi kaya tayo nag-asawa agad, matagal kaya bago tayo nagpakasal?”

I playfully posed this question to my husband this morning on our way to the office. And he just replied with a laugh.

Our morning discussion was a result of my having mentioned some couples I know who have been together for more than 5 years, but have not gotten married. Some of them are not even engaged yet. And we know of the saying that if you have been going out for a long time, it’s either you end up in the altar, or you end up ending it. 

So how long should one wait? So what’s taking them long? Alex asked.

I don’t know, I said. Ganun ba talaga yun? How long does it take really for a guy to pop the question? Then I said, pero kasi, iba na ngayon. It’s not easy as it is to get married, even the proposal thing nowadays is an event in itself. Sobrang pinagiisipan pa kung paano. Yung mga weddings ngayon, hanep ang themes. Dati, motif lang ang issue. Now, you have to think of a gazillion of things. And the expectations from people, considering the time you’ve been together, they would think you have already saved up a lot. Dapat bongga. Dapat hindi basta-basta. Age has ceased to be a factor. Before, 30 is considered old or late to get married. Now, people get married beyond 30, say 34, 35. And there are some who wait a while before having children.

We got married (civil rites) when we were both 22. I won’t hide the fact that I was already pregnant with Cae then. So maybe, it wasn’t yet the right time for us. We were only going out for one and a half years. So maybe we were ahead of our time. I could have gone to law school. We could have waited a bit, or taken more time before taking the plunge. But at that time, there still was pressure. That was in the early 90s. Pag nabuntis, kasal agad ang option. Unlike now that you can forego getting married even if you have kids already.  People no longer judge you, or question these things. We had our church wedding 2 years later, when Cae was a year old. And she was even our flower girl. The wedding invitations were simple, our motif was pink and lilac. My gown was off the rack. My MUA was a gay friend (na noon, beautician pa ang tawag, or parlorista, kaloka). Our reception venue then was just a small restaurant and it’s closed now. My father-in-law paid for it. In short, it was just a simple ceremony. And after all, for the both of us, it was just a formality. This is why we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary/ies, but rather the day when we officially became a couple. I’ve always felt that it was on that day when I was married to him. I knew all along, even if we have known each other for just a short time that he was the man I would marry.

So, going back to my question, matagal kaya bago kami nagpakasal? Maybe not. Maybe, hindi rin. Nagbago kaya isip namin, having met a lot of people after college? Hindi naman siguro. Or maybe there would have been other parties. Ang ganda ko kaya. Maybe there would have been second thoughts. Pero kami pa rin siguro. Pwedeng naligaw ng landas. But we would have found our way back.

Alex wrote me a letter once that I am his first love and the last great love of his life. And he will choose me over and over again. This is way too early for an anniversary blog, but love is something to celebrate about. And the best day to celebrate love is every day.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~TheGoodGirl

So...what did you learn today?

In our recent Leaders’ Summit, during the sharing portion, Sir Dick mentioned that for him, it is when he is having fun that he is learning more. And everyone agreed. Was it Alfred Mercier who said that “What we learn with pleasure, we never forget”?

However, later on during the 2^nd day, when we were jotting down our major takeaways, I realized that it wasn't the same for me. What created an impact on me was not the fun I had, or the fun moments during the activity. It was from the serious topics where (and it was when I was serious that) I learned more, and got more.

Not that I am contradicting Sir Dick. It’s him. His opinion was valid. Maybe if the question was, "What did you enjoy most about or from the Summit?" It would have been different for me. I remember another colleague saying that sure, one of the speakers was hilarious, but how about the content? the substance? the lessons afterwards? Was it just as good? At the end of the day, I couldn't even remember what I was laughing about, and what I learned from that session. And perhaps, in a future talk, I would come across the same words, the same moments, and even the same antics. And as I look back now, evaluating my takeaways, I would rank the heavy stuff higher than the rest with lighter topics. Disclaimer: There are no wrong or right answers here. It's really up to you and your learning style.

I shared this with Alex this morning. I told him that I also remember a trainor-friend. I've watched this person a lot of times during training, and he is always serious. I forgot if I posed a question to him or I just asked myself and answered it myself, but I guess one has to be serious during training, regardless of the course or topic. Because that’s your job. You train people, you teach people, you transfer skills. You’re not out there to entertain the audience. If they are entertained or they like your style, then that’s a bonus. But they’re out there to learn. The risk is when you, as a trainor, crack a joke (like something not true about the topic, binaligtad mo or niloko mo nang konti, either gusto mong magpatawa or gusto mong hulihin if they are indeed listening) and everyone believes you. It’s hard to undo that. Yung tipong A-ha moment for them, ah ganun ba yun, and they were ready to believe you, then hindi naman pala totoo, joke lang po, mahirap yun, right? The downside is, this friend of mine sometimes forgets to drop his training hat outside the training room that even with a crazy bunch, serious siya. He would take everything seriously. When someone tells a joke, he goes, “Ha?” or “Ah ganun?”  Hindeee, we say, joke langggggg.

On another note, I asked Alex, what then does it really take to be a good or great speaker? When you are entertaining or funny, does it automatically follow that you’re a good speaker? Sometimes, Alex said, people would say, “Ang galing niya”, “Ok siya”, but what were they referring to? His delivery? His topic? Same as a literary piece, or a work of art – was it the style? Or the content? Good if you are able to possess both elements, but let’s say, the topic was interesting, it’s the speaker’s forte. But if in the eyes of the audience, the speaker failed in the delivery, then does it mean he is not a good speaker? Would you say, sayang ganda pa naman ng topic, kaya lang hindi sya magaling. But in saying “ganda ng topic,” weren’t you able to learn something from it just the same? Or you don’t remember, because you weren’t hooked to the speaker? Sometimes, you can confuse the two. There are people who really talk well. There are people who look good, some are wonderfully packaged or styled, that just by looking at them, you would want to listen to them. And just because they looked good, pwede na rin. Ok lang. But what if, sa totoo lang, wala namang kalatoy-latoy ang talk. Walang laman. Nakuha lang sa “presentation.” On the other hand, the speaker is the academe type, yung tipong professor mo sa Grad School, no nonsense. The topic may be technical, or it can be a light one. But just because ganun sya, ayaw mo na makinig? Boring na?  And then there are people who bloom on the stage. At first glance, parang hindi mo sya type. But when he starts to speak, oh shucks, kuhang-kuha ka. Kahit technical pa yan. He nailed it.

Just like “So how was the movie?” You go, “Ok lang.” Ok lang na ano? Cute yung story. Or cute yung actors. Never mind if the story is trash, you liked the actors anyway. Then there are movies that you don’t mind who’s in it because you liked the story or you were interested in the storyline.

Bottomline – you just got to pick up something. In one way or another. In any event, or activity, or anything in this world for that matter, the objective is to learn and to apply those lessons in real life. My husband hates the word “learnings”, mali daw yun. Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can. Learning is an experience. Everything else is just information. And that, folks, is from no less than Albert Einstein.

~TheGoodGirl