The Long and Short of it

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

“Da, kung hindi kaya tayo nag-asawa agad, matagal kaya bago tayo nagpakasal?”

I playfully posed this question to my husband this morning on our way to the office. And he just replied with a laugh.

Our morning discussion was a result of my having mentioned some couples I know who have been together for more than 5 years, but have not gotten married. Some of them are not even engaged yet. And we know of the saying that if you have been going out for a long time, it’s either you end up in the altar, or you end up ending it. 

So how long should one wait? So what’s taking them long? Alex asked.

I don’t know, I said. Ganun ba talaga yun? How long does it take really for a guy to pop the question? Then I said, pero kasi, iba na ngayon. It’s not easy as it is to get married, even the proposal thing nowadays is an event in itself. Sobrang pinagiisipan pa kung paano. Yung mga weddings ngayon, hanep ang themes. Dati, motif lang ang issue. Now, you have to think of a gazillion of things. And the expectations from people, considering the time you’ve been together, they would think you have already saved up a lot. Dapat bongga. Dapat hindi basta-basta. Age has ceased to be a factor. Before, 30 is considered old or late to get married. Now, people get married beyond 30, say 34, 35. And there are some who wait a while before having children.

We got married (civil rites) when we were both 22. I won’t hide the fact that I was already pregnant with Cae then. So maybe, it wasn’t yet the right time for us. We were only going out for one and a half years. So maybe we were ahead of our time. I could have gone to law school. We could have waited a bit, or taken more time before taking the plunge. But at that time, there still was pressure. That was in the early 90s. Pag nabuntis, kasal agad ang option. Unlike now that you can forego getting married even if you have kids already.  People no longer judge you, or question these things. We had our church wedding 2 years later, when Cae was a year old. And she was even our flower girl. The wedding invitations were simple, our motif was pink and lilac. My gown was off the rack. My MUA was a gay friend (na noon, beautician pa ang tawag, or parlorista, kaloka). Our reception venue then was just a small restaurant and it’s closed now. My father-in-law paid for it. In short, it was just a simple ceremony. And after all, for the both of us, it was just a formality. This is why we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary/ies, but rather the day when we officially became a couple. I’ve always felt that it was on that day when I was married to him. I knew all along, even if we have known each other for just a short time that he was the man I would marry.

So, going back to my question, matagal kaya bago kami nagpakasal? Maybe not. Maybe, hindi rin. Nagbago kaya isip namin, having met a lot of people after college? Hindi naman siguro. Or maybe there would have been other parties. Ang ganda ko kaya. Maybe there would have been second thoughts. Pero kami pa rin siguro. Pwedeng naligaw ng landas. But we would have found our way back.

Alex wrote me a letter once that I am his first love and the last great love of his life. And he will choose me over and over again. This is way too early for an anniversary blog, but love is something to celebrate about. And the best day to celebrate love is every day.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~TheGoodGirl