Clutter-Keeper

I am a self-confessed clutter-keeper. I have no medical basis but I think it is hereditary. My mom is a clutter-keeper, too and from her, I got this trait– from keeping old Tupperware to towels to dinnerware to old receipts and bills. Like Mama, I just don’t have the heart to throw things away, for sentimental reasons. From my husband’s old love letters, greeting cards, gift cards down to my children’s baby clothes, toys and stick-figure drawings. 

In our closet, I still have the plastic wrappers of Alex’s Valentine flowers, chocolate wrappers, grocery receipts, coins, and old Christmas gifts from friends which I have never used. I have Cae’s and Caehl’s school receipts, test papers, and ID’s. Our hospital/ medical records are in legal envelopes, including billings, receipts and prescriptions. My pocket planners and journals are complete from year 1996. I used to keep credit card bills, cable receipts, telephone and cellphone bills, and all the bills in the world but I have already trained myself to throw them away after a year.

In my kitchen, you would see paper plates and cups, microwaveable plastic containers, even ice cream gallons and leche flan llaneras. Plastic and paper shopping bags? You bet. But only because we re-use it to line the trash bin. Plastic bottles? You bet. But only because we give it to people who would sell them to junk shops.

In the living room, old magazines, Caehl’s books and toys, photo frames, medals, awards, and photo albums clutter the shelves, as well as fast food delivery menus. Old crayons, pens, and markers are all over the library, including giveaway bags, my children’s old textbooks, and birthday tarps. And manuscripts and photocopies of press releases, both Alex’s and mine. My collection of Marian Rivera magazine covers are in a shelf in my bedroom.

In the same manner, I have the tendency to hoard old memories, and keep them in my heart and mind, memories that are good and bad, happy and sad. More often than not they don’t do me good, especially the not-so-pleasant ones. They make me angry. My vivid imagination enables me to re-live, recapture old horrors in my life as if they are happening all over again. Sometimes the stuff that I store are the very same ones who evoke these memories. Calendars, plane tickets, and yes, pictures. This is the part of my being a clutter-keeper that I hate and don’t want to keep anymore. This is the part that I want to get rid of. Because it does me no good.

When I had this depression around nine years ago, Alex would often tell me not to dwell on the past, especially the negative parts. Because it stops me from moving forward. Because it makes me angry. And because it’s not healthy. The past belongs to the past. And to learn from it, and to be wiser, better and stronger, is the best way to deal with it, than mope and sulk. I guess, like the clutter I have since learned to throw away, I will learn to discard this excess baggage and be able to lighten my load someday.

Well, what about the good ones? They encourage me to smile and move on, and inspire me to write entries such as this…and make me hold on to the belief that there’s still some goodness left in this world for us. And despite everything, after all has been said and done, every single moment that happens or happened to you will always teach you about goodness.

~TheGoodGirl