Generation Gap

Last night, my son said, “Mommy, I’m Generation Z. Do you know what comes after that?”

Of course, I don’t. Pardon my ignorance. He continued, “After Gen X, there’s Gen Y, and then Gen Z.”

Ahhhh, I said. So you’re a millennial.

Nooooo, he protested. That’s Ate!

Sorry! I got it all mixed up. And so, I came to know that after Gen Z, there will be Generation Alpha.

A research on Filipino millennials (Gen Y) described these people (born 1984-1995) as:

•       Likely to be living with parents and siblings.

•       Fond of sports, food-tripping and malling.

•       Having a liking for sleeping and just hanging out.

•       Keen on having a tattoo, playing an instrument or performing on stage.

•       Having a desire to be married and become parents someday.

•       Less likely to attend religious services; although faith and spirituality are still top needs.

•       Using the internet as much as TV.

•       Believers that Internet is a daily essential, and that social media has changed how they communicate with loved ones.

•       Spending a lot of time on movie marathons, video games and texting.

Checking out these traits, they do seem to aptly describe my daughter. Alex and I were discussing this a while back, and as we talked about these millennial behaviors, we agreed on one thing: us, parents, the GenX’ers partly have a hand in what the GenYs have become.

I say “partly”, because we cannot be blamed for everything, and some people might not agree with our conclusion. But most parents like us have this one thing in common: we don’t want our children to experience hardship. If we can provide everything to them to the best we can do, we would. We don’t want them to feel disappointment, pain, hunger, sickness, or poverty as much as possible. We send them to good schools. Hatid-sundo sila hanggang maaari. Kung pwede lang na tayo na ang magkasakit, instead of them, sasaluhin na natin.

Of course, as parents, it is our obligation to support them and to give them what they need. But sometimes, our good intentions do not yield good results. Sometimes it spoils them. Na parang we do things for them kasi dapat lang. Minsan nawawalan na ng appreciation. The study said that unlike their predecessors who try to provide for their families (especially materially and financially), the Gen Y does not feel obliged to financially provide for this family. This means that for a millennial, the fact that he is not a burden to his family is already enough. It does not mean that he does not value his family, but to be financially independent is in itself a manifestation of that.

Some millennials also tend to lose motivation, or the desire to strive hard, kasi andyan naman sina Daddy and Mommy. So what if his studies take time, instead of 4 years, some would be pa-easy easy. May tuition provider naman, and he does not have to worry about his schooling expenses. Or “Wag munang magtrabaho, hindi naman ako inaasahan sa bahay.” Materially, we buy many things for them, to make it easier for them. Ayaw natin silang magcommute, so we buy cars for them or hire a driver. Unlike most of us, who had to work first before acquiring our first vehicle. Most houses have wireless routers, para hindi mahirapan sa homework or research projects. Tayo nun, typewriter lang or computer rental in a nearby shop. And yes, library pa rin. Paxerox-xerox sa Dapitan. Mobile phones, laptop, PS4, tablets – name it, they have it. Branded items. The latest stuff. Sometimes, the consequence of not having (or learning) things the hard way is they don’t appreciate what they have. Kasi they got it easily. Walang kahirap-hirap.

Some millennials wouldn’t hesitate to follow their passions. Even if it’s not financially rewarding. Tayo nun, dapat nursing. Or engineering. Basta yung in demand ang job. Because we have to support our families later on. Sila, they can take up photography or media arts, or anything they want. I’m not saying it’s wrong. But it’s because they believe that the financial rewards will come later, after pursuing their passion.

They are also vocal about their feelings, and will not hesitate to express their opinions. Tayo nun, pag pinagsasabihan or pinapagalitan ng parents, tahimik lang. Hindi ka pwedeng sumagot (or else, hihiram ka ng mukha sa aso.) Now, they have to say what they want to say, at that moment. Sasagot at sasagot. I don’t know if this is something to be proud of, but I have never talked back to my parents. Tahimik lang ako, and I would just cry. If ever I had something to say, sa mga kapatid ko na lang or to myself. Pag nagagalit si Papa or si Mama, I would hold my peace. Pag kailangang sumagot (dahil tinanong ako), that’s only the time when I would say something. Hence TheGoodGirl monicker. My sisters are in a league of their own. Sila matapang. LOL. 

I have always believed that even if I didn’t do something wrong, or even if I know that I am right, I don’t have the right to talk back to them. Up to this day, I hold on to that belief. To always listen to your parents – not because they are always right. But because they want what’s best for you, and they have more experiences of being wrong.

They also feel that they have to be always busy, or active, or doing something. Walang kapaguran. Even if it means staying up late or doing many things at the same time. Multi-tasking. The TV is on, they’re glued to their phones or tablets. May ka-Viber. Naka-FB. Or naka-headset. The laptop is also on.

And they communicate with you through Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram. I remember my dad telling my siblings that among us, ako lang daw ang nagsasabi palagi kung asan ako. Even without him asking. And yes, even if I’m already married, ganun pa rin daw ako. I would tell him where I was, wherever I am – through text or a phone call. And how he appreciated that. GoodGirl nga eh. I'm proud to say that even if she and I sometimes fight, my daughter is like me in this aspect. She never forgets to tell us where she is. That's why I trust her that much. 

I am not saying that our generation is better, or that there’s something wrong with theirs (our kids’). Or that we were raised better by the Baby Boomers. It’s just that perhaps, we should adapt to whatever is on hand. This is today. This is Generation Now. Times are changing. Life is a constant change. We live in a dynamic world. And we have to keep up. Or perish.

But what I wish to emphasize is that even if times have changed, and some things are no longer relevant and applicable, there’s nothing wrong in holding on to our core values. Or following what the oldies-but-goodies have taught us and instilled in us. There’s still a lot of goodness in being good, doing good, and believing in all things that are good. Even up to Generation Omega.

~TheGoodGirl

Words from TheGoodGirl: Death Anniversary

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

-         - Seasons of Love (Rent)

It has been a year.

And what a year it has been.

If I were to paint it, I might run out of colors.

If I were to sing about it, I’d run out of tunes.

And if I were to write about it, I’d probably run out of words.

And I still wouldn't be able to describe it,

Decipher it,

Explain it,

Or even end it.

Only you could bring about this kind of pain

And only you have the power to take it away,

Or stop it from coming.

Thank you for the memories.

~TheGoodGirl

Use your gift(s) to serve others

1 Peter 4:10

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms.

Recently, I came across this bible verse (thanks, Lay). Which led me to thinking, what gift do I have? What gift can I use to be relevant to others? What do I do best that I can share with others?

When I took the Five Love Languages Quiz http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ years ago, I found out that my love language is acts of service. I didn’t know then but I do know now that I am on my best mode when I am doing something for someone, and I love it when I do something for people without being asked or told. 

Yet, this is somehow perplexing. I am a writer and I say it best through words. Sometimes, my actions do not speak for what I truly feel, or what I truly want. Or what I really want to say. Sometimes what you see is not what you get from me. I am an unusual creature. Most of the time, I show my love through other means. Sometimes, I express it through silence. Or by doing things silently. You don’t have to tell me what to do. It’s already done. My boss once told me that I am a silent worker. I do not brag about the things I do or have done, they're just done. You don’t have to say you need me. I’m already there. Which is often misinterpreted by people as indifference. Even my own daughter says I don’t show that I care. I do. I care a lot. It’s just that I show it in my own different way.

People do not believe that I am an introvert and shy person. True, I have always been shy. And reserved. But that’s not how people see me. I think this is something that only my father knew. On stage, I can be the ultimate emcee. And I can write loudly, if you know what I mean. Well, close friends would never describe me as quiet. But in bad times, and you need someone who can and who will listen to you, I can be the best person to be with. If you want my opinion, I can readily give it to you. But if you hate unsolicited advice, it’s fine. I am comfortable in silence and I can just sit beside you, just hearing you out. 

If you need cheering up, it’s fine by me, too. People often tell me sumasakit ang panga nila sa akin. Randy would say, “Bangag ka ba?” Friends tell me I always have a punchline, and I can cull out a joke from just anything. And that my laughter is contagious. From our President, MBO: Pam, I will miss your quips. I treat each and every emceeing or hosting job differently. Each job is special. Oo naman, kinakabahan pa rin ako each time. And I always give my 100% - be it a small stint, or a major one. Because it’s what I do best. Or at least I would like to think so. Making people laugh, entertaining them – be it on stage or through my writings - is something I want to do for the rest of my life. And if it is my way of serving others, then I am okay with that.

~TheGoodGirl

Girl Interrupted

As my favorite saying goes, “Cream will always rise to the top.”

Thanks, Macky, for this shot :)

The news of a high school salutatorian who was stopped by teachers and administrators from delivering her speech brought back a lot of memories.

Not that I was interrupted too, or that I had grievances to air.

I recall that our school directress asked our salutatorian (Godfrey) and me to submit a copy of our speech, and a day or two after, we had a dry run. At that time, I thought it was just a formality, and that she was just making sure that the program would go without a hitch. Later on, I realized that we were asked to practice our speech before her to ensure that what we submitted was the one we memorized and the one we were going to deliver.

My Insular Life Gold Eagle Award

Anyways, I remember my own experience 27 years ago. Like a bride, I was the last to walk down the aisle with my parents. My speech was a light one. I just cited the many people and things I (thought I) would be going to miss after high school life. It was all about high school memories, learning, friendship, love,  laughter and even cafeteria food. And if ever there was something I didn’t like about the school or its administration, it never entered my mind to inject it in my valedictory address. For one, it wasn't the appropriate time. It was my moment. I was after all the valedictorian. So why should I be bitter? Who was I to complain? Why should I mention or highlight not-so-good or not-so-happy things in my speech? It was my turn to show gratitude – to my school, to my parents, to my teachers, to my classmates, to my friends. Everyone was in a nostalgic and euphoric mood. Parents were teary-eyed, my batch mates looked (well, it seemed to me) jubilant. It wasn’t a time to evoke unpleasant memories or thoughts or feelings. It wasn’t a time to stir up issues.

Perhaps it’s just me. Well, yeah, this is just me. You might say, porke masaya ka.  Porke ikaw ang valedictorian. Kaya mo nasasabi yan. I know. And I understand the sentiment. Some people might have resented me being there. Some people might have the feeling that I didn’t deserve being there. Paano naman yung hindi sold sa akin, paano naman yung hindi masaya, paano naman yung hindi bilib sa resulta? That I wouldn’t know now. Come on, it was 1988.

True, I admired the young girl’s courage. Mabuhay ka, Krisel. Not everyone would have the guts to do that, and to go on and on even if the school officials have asked her to stop many times. And she has chosen UST for college. Another ganda point for her from me. But on second thought, what if she was our salutatorian, and I was the valedictorian? Even though she was attacking the school, not me, she insinuated in her speech that there was injustice, that she was cheated out of being named valedictorian. Thus, am I being discredited? Does it mean I’m not credible to get the top honors? That I don’t deserve it, because there was cheating or favoritism involved? If she were a victim, then I am also a victim. Kawawa naman ako. I wouldn’t want to be in her place.

I also recall having a conversation with my daughter when she was about to graduate from high school in 2010. While I was fixing Cae’s hair that morning, she was admiring their valedictorian who seemed to get all the awards. I told her, “Ako rin naman nun.”  And I was thinking, did my batch mates admire me, too? What did they really feel about me then? Well, in fairness to us, what are you valedictorian for, anyway, if others would get more or as much awards, right? Para que pa na valedictorian ka, or first honor ka, kung may ibang mas maraming awards pa sa iyo. Logical lang naman yun di ba?

Yet it’s true, again, that honors, awards, medals, recognitions are merely icing on the cake. Palabok. Rewards. I agree that these do not define you as a person or as a student. Because the real battle is outside the gates of the school, the real life. When you graduate with top honors, it does not guarantee you a job (but admit it or not, come hiring or recruitment stage, this will come in handy), a good life, and most of all, a good heart. They make you feel good, yes. Sino ba ang ayaw ng honors? Ang saya kaya, and it gives you a certain kind of high. You’re not just one of the guys. You’re proud of yourself, you pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You have something to give back to your parents, or to your family (or whoever is supporting you). Doon man lang, may consolation sila. Ang hirap kaya magpaaral.

In real life, most people would look past your scholastic achievements, and would rather focus on how you tackle your job, how you deal with others, how you bring up your children, how you are as a person, and so on. Maybe it’s important, too. Maybe it’s not. Depends on how you look at it. Maybe it’s for you. Maybe it’s more for your parents. Or maybe for your children, or future children. The important thing is not to stop learning. You don’t stop learning after high school or after college. Life is a never-ending learning process. And you don’t stop being good, or doing good. Even if you are interrupted at times.

~TheGoodGirl

This is a happy blog

Floating like a feather, pull me down I'm stuck in the clouds

-This Is A Happy Song, Hale (2008)

Do I miss being sad? Of course not. I haven’t been writing about sadness for quite a while. Do I miss it? No, I don’t. Although I admit I write more when I feel sad. I write easily owing to sadness because may pinaghuhugutan, or words pour out easily. And there are more subjects to write about. But I haven’t been sad lately.

I’m not saying I have everything. I don’t. And I won’t claim that my life is perfect. But I am happy with what I have, and I’m happy at this point in my life. They say that with less expectations, (you end up with) less disappointments. I mentioned in one of my blogs that I have been praying for something, asking Him for something I want so badly. But He just won’t give in. Or maybe I already have the answer. He gave me other things, more than I think I deserved. Maybe that’s His answer – Pam, I’ll give you something else.

I love my 7am-4pm daily routine. I love my work. In fact, this is the time of the year when I get to tackle my most favorite event – our annual awards night. I remember texting my boss to thank her for keeping me in the Program Committee. And she texted back, saying she’s glad. I love the work-life balance that my job offers. I get to spend time with my kids (although Cae’s shift is forever changing). I can window-shop (or actually shop) while doing errands and have lots of ‘me’ time. My bedroom is my sanctuary and there, I can write on my journal, watch PBA and Grimm and Vikings and old movies, and surf the net. Caehl and I have our mom-and-son moments. We would discuss anything, or should I say, he “lectures” about anything – like what makes humans different, chemical elements, light years, constellation, life beyond Earth, solutions to light pollution, ironic photos. Caehl and I have the same brand of humor. We laugh together a lot, and we hug each other a lot. Sometimes, I wait for my husband to pick me up, and we would watch a movie or have dinner before going home. When he’s home early, I take comfort in listening to him on the keyboard, playing classical pieces. Although I seldom hang out with Cae since she started working, I look forward to spending time with her - eating out, shopping. And then there are my siblings, even if it means just exchanging Viber group messages. My sister-in-law. My niece. My nephews. My friends. My cooking. My writings. My bags. My Havs. These are my happy times. They are my happy place. And even if I tend to write less of them, it doesn’t mean they’re less important. Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart."

I wished I had left the computer running. Jill was right. There really was so much to write about.

-        from Writer’s Block, Pamela Acuña-Capiz, short fiction published in Celebrity World magazine

~

     ~TheGoodGirl 

The Long and Short of it

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.”

― Alfred Tennyson

“Da, kung hindi kaya tayo nag-asawa agad, matagal kaya bago tayo nagpakasal?”

I playfully posed this question to my husband this morning on our way to the office. And he just replied with a laugh.

Our morning discussion was a result of my having mentioned some couples I know who have been together for more than 5 years, but have not gotten married. Some of them are not even engaged yet. And we know of the saying that if you have been going out for a long time, it’s either you end up in the altar, or you end up ending it. 

So how long should one wait? So what’s taking them long? Alex asked.

I don’t know, I said. Ganun ba talaga yun? How long does it take really for a guy to pop the question? Then I said, pero kasi, iba na ngayon. It’s not easy as it is to get married, even the proposal thing nowadays is an event in itself. Sobrang pinagiisipan pa kung paano. Yung mga weddings ngayon, hanep ang themes. Dati, motif lang ang issue. Now, you have to think of a gazillion of things. And the expectations from people, considering the time you’ve been together, they would think you have already saved up a lot. Dapat bongga. Dapat hindi basta-basta. Age has ceased to be a factor. Before, 30 is considered old or late to get married. Now, people get married beyond 30, say 34, 35. And there are some who wait a while before having children.

We got married (civil rites) when we were both 22. I won’t hide the fact that I was already pregnant with Cae then. So maybe, it wasn’t yet the right time for us. We were only going out for one and a half years. So maybe we were ahead of our time. I could have gone to law school. We could have waited a bit, or taken more time before taking the plunge. But at that time, there still was pressure. That was in the early 90s. Pag nabuntis, kasal agad ang option. Unlike now that you can forego getting married even if you have kids already.  People no longer judge you, or question these things. We had our church wedding 2 years later, when Cae was a year old. And she was even our flower girl. The wedding invitations were simple, our motif was pink and lilac. My gown was off the rack. My MUA was a gay friend (na noon, beautician pa ang tawag, or parlorista, kaloka). Our reception venue then was just a small restaurant and it’s closed now. My father-in-law paid for it. In short, it was just a simple ceremony. And after all, for the both of us, it was just a formality. This is why we don’t celebrate our wedding anniversary/ies, but rather the day when we officially became a couple. I’ve always felt that it was on that day when I was married to him. I knew all along, even if we have known each other for just a short time that he was the man I would marry.

So, going back to my question, matagal kaya bago kami nagpakasal? Maybe not. Maybe, hindi rin. Nagbago kaya isip namin, having met a lot of people after college? Hindi naman siguro. Or maybe there would have been other parties. Ang ganda ko kaya. Maybe there would have been second thoughts. Pero kami pa rin siguro. Pwedeng naligaw ng landas. But we would have found our way back.

Alex wrote me a letter once that I am his first love and the last great love of his life. And he will choose me over and over again. This is way too early for an anniversary blog, but love is something to celebrate about. And the best day to celebrate love is every day.

“One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.” 

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

~TheGoodGirl

So...what did you learn today?

In our recent Leaders’ Summit, during the sharing portion, Sir Dick mentioned that for him, it is when he is having fun that he is learning more. And everyone agreed. Was it Alfred Mercier who said that “What we learn with pleasure, we never forget”?

However, later on during the 2^nd day, when we were jotting down our major takeaways, I realized that it wasn't the same for me. What created an impact on me was not the fun I had, or the fun moments during the activity. It was from the serious topics where (and it was when I was serious that) I learned more, and got more.

Not that I am contradicting Sir Dick. It’s him. His opinion was valid. Maybe if the question was, "What did you enjoy most about or from the Summit?" It would have been different for me. I remember another colleague saying that sure, one of the speakers was hilarious, but how about the content? the substance? the lessons afterwards? Was it just as good? At the end of the day, I couldn't even remember what I was laughing about, and what I learned from that session. And perhaps, in a future talk, I would come across the same words, the same moments, and even the same antics. And as I look back now, evaluating my takeaways, I would rank the heavy stuff higher than the rest with lighter topics. Disclaimer: There are no wrong or right answers here. It's really up to you and your learning style.

I shared this with Alex this morning. I told him that I also remember a trainor-friend. I've watched this person a lot of times during training, and he is always serious. I forgot if I posed a question to him or I just asked myself and answered it myself, but I guess one has to be serious during training, regardless of the course or topic. Because that’s your job. You train people, you teach people, you transfer skills. You’re not out there to entertain the audience. If they are entertained or they like your style, then that’s a bonus. But they’re out there to learn. The risk is when you, as a trainor, crack a joke (like something not true about the topic, binaligtad mo or niloko mo nang konti, either gusto mong magpatawa or gusto mong hulihin if they are indeed listening) and everyone believes you. It’s hard to undo that. Yung tipong A-ha moment for them, ah ganun ba yun, and they were ready to believe you, then hindi naman pala totoo, joke lang po, mahirap yun, right? The downside is, this friend of mine sometimes forgets to drop his training hat outside the training room that even with a crazy bunch, serious siya. He would take everything seriously. When someone tells a joke, he goes, “Ha?” or “Ah ganun?”  Hindeee, we say, joke langggggg.

On another note, I asked Alex, what then does it really take to be a good or great speaker? When you are entertaining or funny, does it automatically follow that you’re a good speaker? Sometimes, Alex said, people would say, “Ang galing niya”, “Ok siya”, but what were they referring to? His delivery? His topic? Same as a literary piece, or a work of art – was it the style? Or the content? Good if you are able to possess both elements, but let’s say, the topic was interesting, it’s the speaker’s forte. But if in the eyes of the audience, the speaker failed in the delivery, then does it mean he is not a good speaker? Would you say, sayang ganda pa naman ng topic, kaya lang hindi sya magaling. But in saying “ganda ng topic,” weren’t you able to learn something from it just the same? Or you don’t remember, because you weren’t hooked to the speaker? Sometimes, you can confuse the two. There are people who really talk well. There are people who look good, some are wonderfully packaged or styled, that just by looking at them, you would want to listen to them. And just because they looked good, pwede na rin. Ok lang. But what if, sa totoo lang, wala namang kalatoy-latoy ang talk. Walang laman. Nakuha lang sa “presentation.” On the other hand, the speaker is the academe type, yung tipong professor mo sa Grad School, no nonsense. The topic may be technical, or it can be a light one. But just because ganun sya, ayaw mo na makinig? Boring na?  And then there are people who bloom on the stage. At first glance, parang hindi mo sya type. But when he starts to speak, oh shucks, kuhang-kuha ka. Kahit technical pa yan. He nailed it.

Just like “So how was the movie?” You go, “Ok lang.” Ok lang na ano? Cute yung story. Or cute yung actors. Never mind if the story is trash, you liked the actors anyway. Then there are movies that you don’t mind who’s in it because you liked the story or you were interested in the storyline.

Bottomline – you just got to pick up something. In one way or another. In any event, or activity, or anything in this world for that matter, the objective is to learn and to apply those lessons in real life. My husband hates the word “learnings”, mali daw yun. Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can. Learning is an experience. Everything else is just information. And that, folks, is from no less than Albert Einstein.

~TheGoodGirl