Brace yourself (Part 2)

There are stories you don’t want to tell or write about - like this one.

My daughter has dextroscoliosis. According to Wisegeek, “Dextroscoliosis is one form of scoliosis, a medical condition in which the patient suffers from curvature of the spine. If the spine curves to the right, this is known as dextroscoliosis…”

Her doctor (an orthopaedic surgeon) said she must have had it since 8 or 10 years old. But we didn’t know. We didn’t notice. There were no manifestations, she wasn’t feeling any pain and there was no history in our family (or at least to my knowledge).

It all started when a classmate noticed that her shoulder (or was it waist) was higher than the other. Cae was told she might have scoliosis. Alarmed, she texted us and I guess we took it seriously because we agreed to have her undergo an x-ray that weekend.

The lumbosacral xray and scoliosis series were expensive. She came out of the room crying, as she saw her S-curved spine. It bothered her so much that she just stayed in her bedroom all day. Maybe it even bothered her brother, whose journal entry that day was about his Ate Cae's x-ray.

True enough, when we got the results the next day, the curvature is at 32.6 degrees.

I was already browsing the Net for possible doctors in Muntinlupa. My kumare and good friend Dra. Joy referred us to a colleague in Medical Center Muntinlupa, one of the doctors I saw in the Asian Hospital directory.

We asked the doctor if their heavy backpacks in grade school might have caused it. He said it is hereditary, perhaps we just don’t know who among us has it. I also asked if it’s possible that their school doctors could have seen it during their annual physical exams. I guess he felt we were blaming ourselves or other people for not knowing or noticing it before. He told Cae, “Hindi yan sakit, wag kang mag-alala.”

I brought the x-ray plates he requested the following week to his clinic in Asian. I was trying to be calm as he re-measured the curvature and explained the implications to me. Walking back to the office, I wanted to cry and ask what we did wrong. Where did we go wrong? I was guilty because I am the mother, and I should have been more careful, watchful and wise. All my past sins came back to me, and I am holding myself accountable for them, so why should my children suffer from my wrongdoings?

For two to three years, my daughter would need to wear braces. Just last Saturday, we went to Banawe where supplies are available. Cae must have been aghast seeing the colored photos of the Yamamoto brace. Who wouldn’t be, just imagine yourself wearing something with aluminum underneath your flight attendant-like uniform, for almost your entire college life? Especially for someone as kikay as Cae. This certainly is not as easy when she had to wear orthodontic braces six years ago (the Part 1), this is an entirely different story.

It was hard to comfort her especially because we saw another version (the body jacket) which seemed more, well, acceptable, but it was not what her doctor prescribed.

It took a long time before her dad managed to calm her. I was as helpless. I texted my siblings and my friends, “This is not going to be easy.”

The store owner was telling me how another client (a teenager like Cae) was crying her heart out upon seeing her Milwaukee brace (the kind that extends to the neck). “Nag-iiyakan din po sila,” he told me. Most of his clients, he said, were girls like my daughter.

As I’ve said, this is not easy, and this is far from over. This is just the beginning, and there will be a lot more episodes like last Saturday. It will really take time before we could get over the pilot episode, even the entire season I guess.

However, there are a lot of things for which I am still thankful as a result of this situation.

Alex and I as a couple have been through a lot, and we have already dealt with our own problems /issues in the past. And because we are older and wiser now, we can look at these things better, and be more focused without the excess baggage. And because we are stronger together, I know we can be stronger for our children.

Sometimes we still can be so emotional, but we are learning to set our emotions, and yes, guilt, aside because we have so much work to do and to attend to. This is also going to be draining, pockets-wise. But we will do everything we can. Alex advised me to just look forward and move on, and count our blessings.

We are blessed to have a strong family and friend support system. My siblings and my compassionate friends are simply the best who, in just one SMS, can make you feel so loved, so understood, so cared for. Because of you, we are not alone in this.

Indeed, who can know the intentions of God? Who can discern the plan of the Lord? So goes this Sunday’s First Reading.

There are stories you wish you won’t have to tell or write about - like this one. But the nice part of course is you can put a happy ending to it.