A Face in the Crowd

How do you hold on to someone you've never met?

What if you found the one you were meant for... but you lived 2 years apart?

-          - The Lake House (2006)

Are you looking for The One? Or are you just waiting?

This thought came to me following an encounter with a foreigner yesterday. My daughter will kill me for this. But there we were, in a bazaar stall at Festival Mall. I was chatting with my suki, Gemma, the stall owner while Cae was being attended to by the assistant, when suddenly I heard a male voice, saying, “Excuse me.”

I turned around to see a guy, perhaps in his late twenties, obviously not a Pinoy due to his looks and accent. 

He said to Cae, “Excuse me…are you single?”

Cae was taken aback. Then she replied, “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m already taken.” I’m not sure if she repeated to him what she said. We were all looking at the guy. He seemed nice, well, he didn’t look “maangas” or at least he spoke nicely.

He said, “Oh. Thank you. And…Merry Christmas.” Cae returned the greeting and he walked away. We were silent for a while. Gemma’s assistant seemed rattled, because he forgot we have not paid yet for our purchase. I told him, “Hindi pa kami bayad!” Nakakaloka, Gemma said. Later on, I asked Cae if she answered the guy in a nice way, and she said she did.

Well, as her Dad and I were discussing just the other day, we unanimously agreed that even though she’s not beautiful as in beauty queen material, Cae has always been pansinin, lapitin, tinginin. People really look at her even though she’s just passing by, even if she hasn't combed her hair, with or without make-up. Please refer to my previous blog "The Weighing Game" to understand what I mean.

The guy, to me, looked Middle East-ernish – based on his eyes, nose and color, but probably Westernized. And I have this friend who works in Saudi Arabia who told me that men from those countries are like that. When they like you, they will approach you. It’s not hard to decipher them, no second-guessing. Pag gusto ka, you will know. Unlike Pinoy guys who sometimes won’t tell you they like you. Papahirapan ka pa. Gagawin kang manghuhula. Hinahatid ka na, pinupuntahan ka sa bahay, pero wala namang sinasabi kung gusto ka. But these men, they know what they want, and they will tell you.

And so, back to my thoughts…I was telling Alex this morning that I wanted to write about it. What if…that’s the only way to meet your would-be partner in life? What if…you just have to take a risk, right on that very moment, and ask her or introduce yourself to her? What if…that’s the only chance you  can get?

And how do you pick out a face in the crowd? Obviously, there were hundreds of faces in the place yesterday, but how did the guy see Cae? How does one pick out someone? Your future partner might be right there, and you didn't know. Or maybe you already saw her, but you didn't do anything. And there would be no more second chances. The moment just…passed you by.

Unless, it was like The Lake House, as I reminded Alex. Maybe now, just like the guy, you are rejected. Or somebody beat you to it. But what if…two years later, or three, or more, you’ll meet her again, in another place, another scenario. 

In the movie The Lake House (2006, starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock), Alex and Kate lived two years apart, with only a mailbox to communicate from. Because Kate is in the future, she can tell Alex to go to places she has been to look for her, and once he saw her in a train station. He knew her, but she didn't know him yet that time. 

What if…it was like that? What if a stranger comes up to you and that was just nothing for you. You just forget all about it and think nothing about it. But you didn't know he will be in your life years from now.

Or what if...a guy likes you and you don't like that guy for now. Because you have someone else. Or you like someone else. Or you're waiting for that someone else. So you're not really paying attention to this guy. What if...he's really the one for you?

Of course, I am just being romantic. But if you have not met or found your partner yet, this sounds nice. And cool. And something to look forward to. There are 8 billion people in this world, and there is only one for us, only one we will ever need. Don’t give up on love – it just moves in mysterious ways.

~TheGoodGirl

All I Want for Christmas

It’s the time of the year again when each of us is given a sheet of paper where we write down our Christmas wish list. This gives us convenience and saves us time in shopping for gifts for the family. It assures us too that the recipient really likes (read: wants) what he or she is going to get for Christmas.

Yet, I realize that every year, it gets harder and harder. I don’t know what else I want. I find it difficult to think of things that I would like to have. Not that I already have everything. I don’t. I guess I am just a simple girl who enjoys simple things. Please don’t remind me though of my LVs, LCs and pairs of Havs – those are my addictions. And luxuries, yes. But simple things make me happy. Like hankies and make-up, and make-up kits. Or shawls, scented candles and oh my, pens and paper (notebooks, note pads, post-its).  This must have rubbed off on my son, as I saw a “2015 Diary” on his wish list. Like who else but TheGoodGirl’s son would want to have a diary for Christmas. Only Caehl.

I guess what I really want are intangible things – like love, care, hugs. Good health. peace of mind. Safety. Encouraging words, pats on the back, and jokes, laughter and giggles. Time with family, and time with friends. Support from officemates. Inspiration to keep on writing. Phone calls, texts or Viber messages from loved ones. Sticky notes on my monitor or desk. FB likes, tags, blog page views, retweets, favorites. Photos. Voices. Things that touch the heart, and deeds that make me smile. And feel appreciated.

Nothing much, really.

But yes, I do want those 3 Francis Libiran designs for Havaianas – all three of them.

~TheGoodGirl

Words from TheGoodGirl: This Love

A love that is beyond any love
Beyond words
Beyond imagination
Beyond all truths.
A love that is unlike any other love
Incomparable
Invincible
Infinite.
One that you did not know could ever exist
And could remain after all has been said and done.
Despite all the pain
It continues to live
Even long after the heart has died.
Do you believe in such love?
I don't,
Until there was you.

~TheGoodGirl

I Write The Stories

I put the words and the melodies together

I am music and I write the songs...

-From "I Write The Songs," Barry Manilow

Photo acknowledgment: @landiandesign

Not a few ask me why I write sad pieces. “Tearjerker,” said Sir Lito. For a (supposed to be) funny girl like me, they find this perplexing.

I write about my amusing and sometimes, annoying van experiences in my Facebook account. I share them with you because some of you could relate to my stories, being regular van passengers too. These can happen anywhere, anytime, to anyone. I just capture the situations as they happened and I am glad that I can entertain you. Some of you even tell me you look forward to my adventures every day. Honestly, I don’t come looking for those stories, they come to me. I was riding with my sister once and I was just too busy chatting with her, when a passenger approached the dispatcher, “Kuya, punong-puno na po ba talaga?” We burst into laughter.

What if it’s just puno, and not punong-puno, sasakay pa ba sya? Or bakit kelangang punong-puno, hindi ba pwedeng puno lang? See, I said to Lea, hindi ko na kasalanan yan ha. Nananahimik ako dito, nilalapitan talaga ko ng istorya.

I write about my son Caehl, and the amazing stories about him. Every day, there’s a new learning from him. And every day, he never fails to amaze me. I often say he looks like his dad, but every inch of him is just like me. His hunger for knowledge, his study habits, sense of humor and comic timing.  I may not admit it, but I think his persistence came from me, too. I can be importunate, too, you know. I would never give up on something even if it hurts me. Even if everybody else has given up on me.

I write about my daughter Cae, and the tales of my being a mom to her. She is a beautiful person, inside and out. She has her temper, too, and down times, like me. But I will always be proud of her and I will always take note of the things she has achieved, which I have not.

I write about my husband, Alex – how we met, how we ended up together, and how we have spent the last 22 years of our life. Yes, we are not perfect, and we do have faults and failures as a couple. But we do celebrate our small victories, and we have stuck it out through the years. 

I write about being a daughter, and a sister. I will never run out of stories about my parents and siblings. Again, we may not be perfect but the love of this family is absolutely life’s greatest blessing to me. I am lucky to have them.

I write about being a friend. As you may know by now, I can be the most loyal person around. It’s difficult to send me away or shut me out. You may grow tired of me or refuse my love, but I will never ever leave you. I can just be a shoulder to cry on, I can listen to you without judgment, but if you ask for my opinion, I will gladly give it. If you want me to pray for you, I will. With nothing in return. Even if I am not always appreciated. That is how I am as a friend. You may be million miles away, we may not see each other that much - it does not matter. I am always here.

I write about my job and how I love the company I am working for – the many blessings I have received from it and how it loves me back. Loyalty may not always get you anywhere, but then again, I am not going anywhere.

I write about love and life’s lessons. True, they may not always be on the bright side, but that’s the way it is. If my writings make you cry, then cry. If they are sad, then maybe that’s the real picture I want to paint. Life is not always about laughter and joy. Even if we always shun negativity and sad things, they are always a part and parcel of our daily living. And we have to face that, so that we can cope and move on, go with the flow. We have to learn from our mistakes, and become better persons.

Why do people climb mountains? Because they’re there.

It’s the same thing with writers. It's how we live. And survive.

~TheGoodGirl

Words from TheGoodGirl: Black Hole

There are things that you keep
And things that you hide.
There's a difference between the two.
I used to keep your photos
Your messages
And phone calls,
Your touch
Your voice,
And all memories of you
In a special place where I thought they should be
Where I can always peek
Or go back to anytime.
I used to keep you
In my dreams
In my heart
In my life,
Where I thought you should rightfully belong.
But there are things best hidden
Or even thrown away.
And now I have made up my mind
To put them
Where they can no longer cause pain
Bitterness
And tears.
Where I can no longer retrieve them and
Where I can no longer return.
They don't matter anymore,
The same way you don't.

~TheGoodGirl

Letters to Juliet

In the 2010 movie Letters to Juliet (starring Amanda Seyfried and oh-so gorgeous Gael Garcia Bernal), an American girl visits Italy and discovers a letter, one of the many letters left by heartbroken people at Romeo and Juliet’s Verona courtyard. If there were such letters, I am sharing that I have my own – written by myself for myself.

Some of them are happy, optimistic – written when I was in a fantastic mood, feeling light, hopeful and joyful and enthusiastic. Then there are the typical dark, poignant ones – written when, yes, things are not doing great in my life. I don’t know which outnumbers which, but these letters are my life. And if you are able to read one or even two, you would see through my soul. And you would know the real me - the stories behind my stories, the tales behind my tales. In the same way that I (literally) talk to myself, I write to myself because I want to see the feelings, experiences in written form – which I cannot express to another person or share with someone else. And in this way, I can let it out and give it life. And yes, immortalize it. 

Sometimes, I find the courage to go back and read them again. And more often than not, when I go over the not-so-cheerful letters, I cringe, I get embarrassed, I get mad. I find some funny though, like “Was this really me at that time?” Sometimes, the feelings and memories would go back. If you refer to my blog header, that’s what I really do mostly – sit by the window, staring at nothing.

But it works both ways. The better part I guess, is reading again the other set of letters. Happiness after all is contagious. When you surround yourself with happy people, smiles, laughter, encouragement, and most especially love from your family and people that matter, you can’t go wrong. And happiness, after everything has been said and done, is a choice. We have to choose to be happy and we have to keep choosing it.

~TheGoodGirl

Regrets That You Regret Regretting

“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”

― Fernando Pessoa

When I turned 30 last 2001, I wrote a piece entitled, “Writing 30”, which summarized my regrets in all my 30 years - things I was not able to do, my could have beens, should have beens and if onlys.

After a while, except for one, I realized that there are regrets that you regret regretting. Later on, I decided that I can live with those things undone. I can forgive myself for those lapses. And then after a while, I found out I have additional ones - things I wish I have done when I was younger, when time was on my side. And now, there's little time, and there are no more chances left.

Then there are deeds or feelings or experiences in your past that you regret doing or feeling or going through. There are things that you just wish didn't happen at all. It may be due to naivety, fake ignorance or worse, plain stupidity. You knew that they were wrong and wouldn't do any good to you, and yet, you were stubborn. You knew the consequences, and yet you pushed through with it. When you were younger, you didn't know, so perhaps there’s an excuse. But when you’re older, like I am now (well, that has been 13 years ago), and you look back, you say, “Hell! What was I doing that time?” And even if you want to hit your head on the wall, you can’t make them disappear. You can’t even turn back the time, undo things and start all over like they never happened.

These experiences SHOULD make a better person out of you, right? You should have learned from those mistakes, turned pains into power, and wounds into wisdom. They say that you have an excuse if the mistake/s happened the first time. After all, life didn't come with instructions. But if it happens more than once, you’re already a fool. What happens when you never learn? What becomes of you when you do commit the same mistake/s again?

Are you guilty of this? Do you sometimes wish you could go back to that time when you were at the crossroads, making a crucial decision, and that instead of taking the wrong road, you took the right one? You knew better because you have been there, done that. And yet you took a risk, and opted for the unpopular choice. You would think that those past mistakes, lessons, experiences of yours have made you a more critical person. And you thought you had been wiser than before. But now, you don’t know anymore.

American writer Libba Bray said, “We all do things we desperately wish we could undo. Those regrets just become part of who we are, along with everything else. To spend time trying to change that, well, it's like chasing clouds.”

And as they say, “Don’t regret what you've done. At some point, it’s what you wanted.” There are wrong regrets, as much as there are right regrets. And we always hope we end up with the right ones.

~TheGoodGirl