Something's Gotta Give

Erica Barry: I don't want my bearings. I've had my bearings my whole goddamn life. I feel something with you I never really knew existed. Do you know what that's like, after a 20-year marriage to feel something for another person that is so...? That... Oh, Right. Right. Not your problem. God. Do you know that I've written this, but I never really got it? Do you know what this is?

- Something's Gotta Give (2003)

Do you have, or have you had, a “eureka” or “a-ha!” moment?

Mine comes in the form of goosebumps.

I get goosebumps when I suddenly feel something life-changing, when I discover something, when I make up my mind to do something, when I finally say “This is it”, when I snap myself out of something, like when I've had enough and that has got to stop, I have to give it up, let it go or I have to move on. Something’s gotta give. Hell, yeah.

This is the signal I usually get when I have to make an important decision, and it’s not always a calm or serene moment. Sometimes there’s a war going on inside me and I don’t know which option to take or path to choose. Sometimes it takes a while before I say, “Ok, that’s it,” like a director yelling “Pack up” to his crew.

That’s the moment when there’s a tingling, hair-raising, prickly feeling that’s telling me something. I admit that it’s taken me quite a while to finally pay attention to the goosebumps. They've been popping up for sometime but I would always ignore them. But they are too frequent to overlook. There have been signs everywhere, without me asking for it. I knew that it was too good to be true, it cannot continue forever, and that something would happen sooner or later.

And I think this is it.

I’m going back to purple. And I think I will cry first.

~TheGoodGirl

Image from: http://www.jackasscritics.com/images/movies/somethings_gotta_give_02.jpg

Something Stupid Like...I Like You

"Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you."
Greg Behrendt, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys

A simple question, such as “Do you like me?” can be complicated between two people of the opposite sex, as I found out recently.

A girl feels the need to ask this question because:

1. She does not want to assume that the guy likes her.
2. She wants to be sure, wants assurance that yes, the guy likes her.
3. She wants to hear it, straight from the horse’s mouth, period.
4. She wants to know where she stands.
5. She does not know the answer, period.

On the other hand, a guy does not reply or sees no need to answer the question, because:

1. He does not have to say it, as his “Action speaks louder than words.”  
2. He does not want to commit.  
3. He is playing safe.  
4. He does not like the girl.  
5. He does not know the answer, period.

Why do people make things complicated, when in fact, a simple yes or no answer may suffice. But I guess that’s what makes men different from women. Sometimes, you just have to read between the lines. But sometimes, you may read too much. Or read them wrong. There are those “How to Know if a Guy Likes You“ quizzes  and in real life, you really can’t figure them out. Frustrating yes? I forgot who said (or wrote) it but it goes something like this: “It took a long time, but I've finally figured it out. When it comes to men who are romantically interested in you, it's really simple. Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do.”

In the movie He's Just Not That Into You (2009), Gigi (Ginnifer Goodwin) said: “...sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave… knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

In the same movie, Alex (Justin Long) said:  “So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a sh*t, he genuinely doesn't give a sh*t. No exceptions.”

With a woman, it’s either black or white. You don’t have to wait for signs, you don’t have to guess. She either likes you or not. No in-betweens. No middle ground. No grey areas. She says it. She shows it. Plain. And pure. And simple.

With men, they could say one thing, then another, then act inconsistently. Confusing. Irritating. Exasperating.

But we like them anyway, yes?

Unfortunately.

~TheGoodGirl

Image from: http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6704589/flowchart-do-you-like-me

The Weighing Game

My daughter has always been an attention-getter. When she walks by, people would really notice her and stare at her with no effort from her at all. Laging pinagkakaguluhan - supermarket, donut shop, name it. She’s not really what you call “beautiful beautiful”, but she knows how to highlight her assets, has grown in the right places and has this effect on you, especially on boys. Her Dad and I would always kid her, “Para kaming alalay mo,” whenever we are walking together.

Perhaps that has been my greatest motivation in finally trying to lose weight. Not that I didn't feel good about myself. To begin with, I have a small built. Two pregnancies and perhaps, my being a couch potato and my laziness, account for the excess weight. For the past year or so, I have been on a no-rice diet but I am not sure if it did anything to me. I didn't want people to say, “Mommy nya yun?” in a tone that seems to mean, “Bakit hindi niya kamukha?” or “Bakit hindi maganda?” And when they see Alex, they would conclude, “Ah, nagmana pala sa daddy niya.” Hey, my daughter looks like me. But if I keep looking like this, they won't see that. This is my fear. Enough said.

I retained rice during breakfast, and would eat only a little during lunch and dinner. There would be cheat days, of course. But I also added exercise to my evening routine. Lunges, crunches, sit-ups and push-ups. I gave up 3-in-1 coffee as I was told they contain a lot of calories. But I still do take tea sometimes, and pineapple juice, and water with lemon or cucumber. I am addicted to sodas, but I think I can curb the addiction a bit.

After a while, I felt the difference. From a large size, I am now down to medium. And from 131 lbs, I am now 122. Although my waistline has become smaller, I still have this tummy. So I’m working on it, and on my arms. I’ve always been proud of my pair of legs. And even if my skin is not that flawless, it’s clear and fair. "Mommy, paliit ka na nang paliit," Alex would tell me everyday. At 43, I am happy with how I look and how people would tell me that I don’t look my age. Thank you so much. I hope you’re not just teasing me.

Parang sister mo lang si Cae. Objective achieved. At least, something is happening here. I can now wear the clothes I like, eat what I like, and I think that when I am with Cae, I would also get a few second glances and can still turn heads. And when they say, “Mommy nya yun?” I hope it’s said in awe and admiration – and could evoke inspiration. #MayIgagandaPaPala #PushPa

Words from TheGoodGirl: Kaleidoscope / Roller Coaster

KALEIDOSCOPE
As you rotate the kaleidoscope
The objects shift
And the reflection changes,
Moving from one pattern to another.
Just like the emotions you evoke in me -
One second the colors are bright
Only to darken the next.
I am helpless.

ROLLER COASTER
Like a roller coaster ride
My world goes up and down
In your hand.
You lift me high
Only to bring me down.
The loops
Twists and turns
Free falls
You take me
In an exhilarating ride
Then bring it to a stop
I don't know why.

~TheGoodGirl

Images from: http://gregegan.customer.netspace.net.au/images/Kaleidoscope.gif
http://stopsellingvanillaicecream.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Roller-Coaster.jpg

Words from TheGoodGirl: Memory Jars

Inside my mind
And heart,
There is a library of memories.

The memories are contained in jars,

Categorized into years

And persons.

There are memories

(or years or persons)

That I choose not to remember at all.

They’re in the shadowy recesses of my mind,

Like dark aisles in a library.

I keep them there as I don’t want to be reminded

Of experiences or moments

That were humiliating,

Frightening,

Hurting
Heartbreaking.

Such memories, unfortunately, never leave.

They just stay in our consciousness:

A person of the past

Death

A failed relationship

Insecurity or fear...

And you just push the jars back.

In a visit to the library,
I recently opened one,

Without realizing the consequences.

The memories rushed out,

Like a flood.

I was not able to control the outpour,

I was carried away

And got lost.

Yet after the initial deluge,

I sifted the experiences
And as I go through each moment,

All I could do was to stop and stare in awe,

And remember (everything) in wonder.

Yes, you are here again

And I'm back to square one now.

I opted to replace the lid

And close the jar,

Returning it to where it belongs – the past.

Yet I am setting aside another empty jar 

Waiting for you to fill it up again.

This time,

With forever.

~TheGoodGirl

Birthday Blog from TheGoodGirl

When I was a kid, I used to look forward to Mr. Postman delivering my birthday cards from my grandparents and aunt in the US. My lola and Mama Baybee never failed to send me one. Sometimes, there would be a dollar inside - such heartwarming childhood memories that will stay forever in my heart.

Then when the mobile phone era came, I would wait for my papa’s all-caps birthday SMS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANAK. LOVE, PAPA AND MAMA. After hearing Mass, I would call them up to thank them - for my life and for all the love. And there would always be tears in my eyes afterwards.

It has become an annual tradition – this birthday blog of mine. Every year, the things that I am thankful for are piling up, and the things that I want or wish for are getting fewer.  It’s not that I have much, I don’t. It’s just that when you get older, you know what really matters (like the dollars, joke) and what doesn't (anymore).

Once again (pardon the litany), thank You Lord:

• For 43 wonderful years - There were rough and sad times, but they made me a stronger person. The happy times made me softer. Thank You for the highs and the lows. The good times and the bad. I am what I am now because of these. Thank you Lord for the gifts and talents that I continue to share with others.
• For my papa and mama - I hope I have become the person you wanted me to be. I miss you Papa. Mama, your voice over the phone is enough.
• For my 2 Cs - Caitlin and Caehl, you are my priceless gems and you always bring me so much happiness. A mom can’t ask for anything more.
• For The Squids - You are simply the best. No words come close enough.
• For my niece, nephews and grand-niece – You are our pride and joy.
• For my relatives who are always at our side - for better or worse.
• For my in-laws - Thank you for being good to me.
• For my “angels” Ev and Novy – Thank you for making my life easier so I can perform my job better.
• For Insular Life - You have given me so much. I am giving it back to you. Thank you to my Insular Life family as well.  I love birthday leaves.
• For my friends – Thank you for always being there, regardless of distance and time zone. High school. College. Office. Neighborhood. FB. Thicker waistlines, creases and wrinkles and domestic problems and all.
• For those who are not in my litany – You are not in the list - but in my heart. I simply cannot have everything. But I am grateful for the little infinity. Perhaps in another lifetime. I will always be here. That’s all.
• For Alex - Here’s to the snow that sometimes comes down in June, and the sun that sometimes goes 'round the moon. Save the best for last, Dad.

My day has just begun, and there’s an outpour of birthday greetings – Facebook, Twitter, SMS, Viber, and even Instagram, since last night. Thank you. I feel so blessed and loved and appreciated. I can’t ask for more. It’s just too much. Maybe I really have done something good to deserve it.

But I want more Louis Vuitton and Longchamp bags, and Havaianas slippers. I am a girl, after all.

Thank you from The(one and only)GoodGirl.

No Pain, No Gain

“Pain is easy to write. In pain we're all happily individual. But what can one write about happiness?”

― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

Sadness they say is a great motivator, especially for writers. So, does it mean that when I don’t write or when I couldn't write, I’m happy? Do I have to be in pain to write?

Sometimes I do get writer’s block. I am just a mortal. While there are so many things going on and happening inside my head, I can’t seem to put it all down in writing. That’s why sometimes I resort to Facebook or Twitter when I just have to share it, and I don’t have enough time to blog. Sometimes, I lose a lot of beautiful gems of thought and sentiment along the way, as they end up in a black hole. Sometimes, I have incomplete or unfinished entries. What started out as a nice promising blog would be just a paragraph or two, the inspiration already missing and cannot be found even if I go back to it.

But sadness (or lack of it) has nothing to do with it. Maybe when I’m sad, words come easily, driven by the pain or the emotions involved. And the tendency is to share that feeling to other people who would care to listen and sympathize, to lessen the pain a bit. If it demands to be felt, then it needs to be shared. To allow other people to learn from that pain, or gain something from the experience. Why not, Oprah Winfrey advised us to turn our wounds into wisdom, didn't she?

Writing when you’re happy is another story. For one, when you are happy and you want to share that happiness, sometimes you run the risk of rubbing some people the wrong way. They might accuse you of gloating, or making yabang instead of inspiring them or making them feel happy for you. I have seen a lot of posts / statuses in Facebook where the person shows off a relationship, a job, an achievement, or acquisition, and more often than not, the feelings he / suhe has evoked from his / her audience are probably not the desired one.

“Yabang naman.”

“Hiyang-hiya naman kami sa iyo.”

“Ikaw na!”

 “Siksik, liglig, nag-uumapaw ka na sa blessings, tirhan mo naman kami.”

“Neseye ne eng lehet.”

So is it easier then to gain sympathy when you’re bleeding, than win approvals when you’re on top of the world?

You be the judge.

~TheGoodGirl