Words from TheGoodGirl

Misfit

Like a blanket on a hot night 
I am just trying to fit in. 
A stranger in a crowd 
A square button in a round hole 
I will never fit in 
But i will forever be trying.
~TheGoodGirl

School Opening Musings

And so it’s School Year 2014-2015.

Image taken from https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7UCfOjFkSbc4Ht9NP1w5uhaoO73M1z8ggIRuBKlkl-uJKjtaspQ

I only have one student now – Caehl, on his 3^rd grade.

I remember when Cae was still in pre-school and grade school, I would always schedule my vacation leave on the 1^st week of June (or in time for the school opening) so I can accompany my unica hija. It has become an annual tradition. Together with other mommies and nannies, I would stay outside CSA-Biñan, find my own nook and wait until dismissal. I would bring a magazine, buy snacks and chat with my own “classmates” for the 1^st 5 days of school. This is where I met Mhel, Shae’s mom. Cae and Shae have been classmates/friends forever, inseparable until now. I love you girls.

Image taken from Cae's Instagram: http://instagram.com/p/n7ujRet4i0/

Soon after, a lounge was built in the lobby which was more comfortable for us. When Cae entered Grade IV or V, she told me I could already “graduate” from this task, as she was ready to be on her own. That was sad, bittersweet. But Cae has always been independent anyway. I was just convincing myself she needed me.

Fortunately, I had Caehl later on, otherwise I would have no one else to spoil and attend to. With Nanay Ev around, I don’t need to, but I just want to be there, and do what I have been doing for Cae – even if it means just riding the trike with him, and watching my big boy pull his bag and enter his classroom. Plus enduring comments like “Daddy pala niya ang kamukha nya.” Sige na nga, gwapo talaga asawa ko. Ako, matalino lang LOL

With Caehl, I need not worry about enrollment, uniform, books, lunch because I have Nanay Ev to do it for me. I just do the financing, and (almost) everything is taken care of. Thank God for nanays of this world.

Welcome back to school!

~TheGoodGirl

My Day with WFMA

Bumping into Sir Jeff (Gonzales) one afternoon a month ago, after getting back from lunch, he asked me if I was free on May 17 for an event with WFMA (World Financial Marketing Alliance, Inc), one of our distribution partners. Thinking that he was trying to make bawi to me (after forgetting to invite me to the launch of the Insular – WFMA partnership last year), I said yes. Only to find out that it was a hosting stint. And out-of-town at that. He said that I will co-host it with Uye (Flores, a colleague). I said yes, thinking (again) that Uye has already agreed to it. Only to find out a week later that he declined as it was on a weekend.

Great, I’ll be on my own. Not that I’m not used to hosting solo, but the audience is external, and it would be my first time to meet them.  The event was actually the 6^th Annual Convention of WFMA (May 16-18, 2014), and during the 3-day convention, Insular was given a 9am-12nn slot on the 2^nd day. Jannette, Naj, and all the BDU people seemed to be assured I could do it, though. 

With the crazy weather and all, I began to worry about my throat. I can’t lose my voice, I kept telling Caehl. Why, he asked. Mahirap mag-host, I said. Reviewing my script the night before, Caehl was asking me what will happen (in the program), what the activities were.

“Will you miss me?” he asked. I said, “Of course, I will miss you.” “No,” he insisted. “Don’t miss me, focus on your script.” That’s my boss.

The following day, Alex drove me to ILCC. “Mommy, kinakabahan ka ba?” he asked. “Hindi naman,” I replied. “Sana may video,”  he said. Natawa na lang ako.

Armed with my box of pei pa koa and my script, I rode the company car driven by Johann and accompanied by Mary, another colleague, and we were on our way to Taal Vista Hotel in Tagaytay. This is it.

As soon as we entered the venue, I felt an energy I couldn’t explain or describe. In the ladies room, people were smiling at us. A woman asked about our blue shirt. “Anong team kayo?” When I replied that we were from Insular, “Ah kaya pala bago ang kulay. Kasi kagabi nag-launch ng teams.” I nodded to her as if I understood.

Observing the people, they were generally friendly, lighthearted, and nice. People queued to have their photos taken with investment icon Sir Jeff. Our photo and coffee booths were a hit. Upon seeing me, Mr. Ho asked, “Ikaw ba ang maghohost? “Kinakabahan si Pam,” Sir Jeff joked. “It’s all in the mind,” he advised.

(Photo: Mary S. Templonuevo)

The program started at around 830am. The people were laughing and dancing like there was no tomorrow. After 6 tracks, they still wanted more. But it was time for the Insular Life “Walang Iwanan” program. Sir Wacky began to introduce me. “At may sarili silang host!” he said.

And it was my turn.

These people are the craziest I’ve ever seen. “Mga addict” is a more apt description. They know how to have fun, and they love to have fun. Gagawin lahat ng ipagawa mo, tatawanan lahat ng sabihin mo, at talagang sasagot sa bawat tanong mo. Sobrang game. Any host would have a wonderful time with this amazing audience.

Mr. Ho was the first speaker, with the topic “Man in the Mirror”, touching on Insular's Magandang Araw Movement, positivity and having a winning attitude.

Dustin serenaded the WFMA girls with an acoustic version of Jessie J’s Domino. You could hear the shrieks and swoons all over the ballroom. He started with one girl beside him and ended the song with 5 girls surrounding him. I asked Dustin to stay after his number.

“Dustin, single ka pa raw ba?” When he said yes, I teased him, “Ako naman eh, pwede namang complicated.”

(Photo: Mary S. Templonuevo)

Sir Jeff‘s presentation was on how to solicit bigger investments from targeted clients, citing the 3 major reasons why we should be selling bigger policies.

At some point, I said, “May nagtanong kay Naj, “Naj, single pa ba si Ms. Pam?” Awwww, hindi na po. In fact, my eldest is already 20 years old.” And before I could say another word, someone in the audience shouted, “Weh!” Nakakaloka.

We ended the program with the BDU people singing the Walang Iwanan jingle, a song especially composed for this purpose. The crowd sang and danced along with Naj, Anna, AJ and Dustin – and of course, me.

(Photo: Mary S. Templonuevo)

(Photo: Mary S. Templonuevo)

With high fives from Sir Chito and the rest of the WFMA bosses and the feedback I got from the audience, I wouldn’t mind doing this again for them. Just tell me when.

~TheGoodGirl

What is the sound of a heart breaking?

“Do you know what hurts the most about a broken heart? 
Not being able to remember how you felt before. Try and keep that feeling, because if it goes, you’ll never get it back.”
-Skins

It has been so long since I experienced pain (not the physical kind). For the past years, I have been, well almost, a Dauntless. Nothing tears me apart anymore. I have almost forgotten what it’s like to be hurt, be afraid, be uncertain, or to even feel thrill, jealousy or longing or misery. Stoic, you may say.

Yet, a recent setback has made me feel that certain kind of pain again, one that’s so sudden and unexpected, it caught me off-guard that I felt helpless and stupid. If you saw me on the street, you would have seen a zombie walking aimlessly; and looking carefully, you would have found one lonely (but lovely nonetheless) lady (with a fabulous bag). My tears are usually reserved for sad crazy movies, and nothing else could make me cry anymore. But it did make me cry, once, twice, thrice - I lost count. And you could almost hear my heart break each time. And I hate that sound.

But as my former boss/mentor would say, “You can only sulk for a while. After that, you move on.” I was entitled to that grieving, moping moment. But I cannot let that one failure rule my life and win over me. Things will never be the same. I will never be the same. But I promised myself I will never go through it again. I can never allow myself to feel that indescribable pain again. My heart can only take so much. Maybe, in time, it will just be a memory (lost in time, like tears in rain) and I will laugh over it.

Thanks, Ma'am Myrna. Your advice still works up to now.
And, just like having a bad dream, kumagat daw sa kahoy pagkagising. 
Or throw some cold water outside your window.

In the meantime, can I have my appetite back?

~TheGoodGirl

Fun at Work

Work shouldn't be all fun.


I know this is an eyebrow-raising statement. Shouldn’t work be fun? Remember, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."“If your job isn't fun and enjoyable, then why bother?” “Happy employees are productive employees.”

Sure, those are all correct. That’s why we strive for a work-life balance. For me, however, when it comes to work, this should be the order: Work hard, have fun, make a difference. This is supported by the so-called 3 Fs – focus, fun and fulfillment.

I have been working since I was 18 (and have been in my present company for 18 years now).  I have observed a lot of young(er) people (lahat naman yata, bata para sa akin hehehe) falling into the fun-first trap. Some of them look for fun at work, prioritizing having fun, even before the basics. Some of them are not even serious with their job. Thus, when fun stops and reality seeps in (eto na, trabaho na, deadlines na), they become restless, start to complain (“Nakaka-stress, ang daming trabaho!”), couldn’t find the reasons to stay, and the option is to move out, look for another job, and find fun elsewhere. 

There’s no law against having fun, don’t get me wrong. I like to have fun. I know how to have fun. Ok lang, forgivable sa umpisa. But if that’s the only thing you want or look for (in a job), or when it becomes a habit or a system,  it could be risky. Learn the basics first. Know your job first. I mean, seriously, master your craft (read: isapuso ang trabaho). And then when you have already earned it, that’s the time to play and have fun. Not the other way around. Pag deserved mo na ang bulakbol, ayan pwede na. Hindi yung hindi ka pa nga expert sa trabaho mo, inuuna mo pa ang kalokohan. Pag totoong trabaho na, hindi ka na maka-cope. I have seen a lot of people like this. Ang galing-galing sa laro at kalokohan, pero kapag project management na, wala na, patay na. Hindi na raw sila masaya. Believe me, when you know your job inside and out, kahit ano pa i-assign sa iyo, you will be fine. Huwag ka matakot sa trabaho.  

While some of you may not agree with my style, I would prefer that people would curse me now and thank me afterwards for preparing them for the grind. For me, it’s better na mahirapan ka na sa umpisa, masanay ka na sa hirap, focus now then have fun later. You will have your reward in the right time. (Galatians 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.) Hindi nga lang makahintay ang iba (but that's another story or blog for that matter).

Work isn’t fun all the time. It shouldn’t be, otherwise it should not be called work in the first place. We shouldn't go to work with the objective to have fun. That’s just on the side. It’s more satisfying and fulfilling when at the end of the day, you know that you’ve worked hard, and you truly deserved the break.

You create the fun. While most companies or employers exert great efforts to make the workplace a fun place to be, you shouldn't depend on your work for fun, there can be other sources. What we need is a deep sense of joy and a healthy attitude, and when you have those, you will thrive no matter what you take on – relationship/s, work or business.

~TheGoodGirl

References:

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/12/opinion/burkeman-are-we-having-fun-yet.html?_r=0

http://hum.sagepub.com/content/64/2/177

CLOSING RIGHTS

As Chay (an officemate) said, this is a Blogspot moment. This calls for a new blog entry.

Around 11am yesterday (March 21), I missed a call from Cae. Calling her back, she was screaming and crying, cum laude raw sya.

She has been praying so hard for this. I kept telling her, “Don’t stress yourself. If you’re thinking about me, don’t. It’s ok if you don’t get it. I will not be disappointed. Bonus na lang yun.”

The fact that she is marching on March 27 (3 days before her 20^th birthday), finally getting a BS degree, is enough for me. I am so happy and proud already. My only request for her then was to take her studies seriously and finish college. That’s all.  

Well, she did more than that - she is graduating with honors, with a GWA of 1.712. More than what I achieved. More than what her dad and I dreamed of.

My daughter and I are opposites. While I was a three-time Valedictorian (kinder, grade school, high school), Cae was not an honor student in high school, although she had a few Eagles back in grade school. (Edited to add: She skipped Kinder A though, as she was accelerated to Kinder B. A reason why she's one year younger than her batch mates.) To me, it was a given. All my life, honors and awards were a normal thing, no big deal, all in a day’s work. I would attend recognition rites na normal lang. Nagtataka ako nun, bakit yung iba, nagpapa-parlor pa, nagbibihis, nag-aayos, nagpapa-makeup? What’s up? You’d just go up the stage, aabutan ka ng medals, tapos na. Sometimes, may blow-out or swimming party, but more often than not, diretsong uwi lang kami sa bahay.

In college, though, I was just one of the guys, although my GWA was not so bad (I was some points away from the cum laude cut-off). I didn’t study hard enough. If I were what I have been in high school, I would have killed it, too. But I was so pa-easy-easy in college. That’s why come graduation day, I was so envious of my cum laude classmates who were asked to offer their medals to their parents. On our way home from PICC, I was crying at the backseat. My family thought I was just thinking of how I would miss college and my friends. But deep inside me, I was feeling so bad for letting my folks down. Although they did not tell me they were disappointed or sad, I thought it would have been a perfect gift to them, a consolation prize for sending us 3 older kids to college at the same time. I was never able to delete this episode from my mind. In fact, I wrote an article entitled Writing 30 when I was 30 years old about my regrets in life, and here, I cited not being able to graduate from college with honors as one of those regrets. A “failure.” Yes, I think I failed my parents on this item.  And then, I got pregnant and married early, at age 22. I was not able to pursue law, my father’s dream for me.

My parenting style when it comes to studying is to let them be. I have always believed that cream will always rise to the top. Kahit saan mo ilagay ang anak mo, lilitaw at lilitaw ang galing at talino. You just have to support and guide them. I never pressured them to be like me. I am not and was never a Hitler mom. I let them study and review on their own, in their own pace and time. Masisipag naman sila. As long as they’re not failing, a few mistakes are fine by me.

Compared to Cae now, kinabog ako! Who would have thought that the child I was carrying then would bail me out? I am vindicated. I feel like this is my closure to those 2 failures and regrets. Cae is a marvelous daughter. While she seemed “maarte” and yes, pa-easy-easy (read: pa-partey-partey), she is a diligent college student. She’s not just pretty but intelligent, too. Like her dad (Alex is the recipient of the 1992 UST Rector's Literary Award, UST's highest literary award for students), she expresses herself and her thoughts on paper beautifully. I am so happy that she heeded my advice. I know that she had to endure comparisons to me when she was younger. “Naku, di ka gumaya sa mommy mo.” People would say, “Ang mommy mo noon, laging first honor.” Even my own mama used to tell her, “Ang mahal ng tuition mo. Sa mommy mo noon, wala kaming binayarang tuition.” And nowadays, I know she would hear a lot of “Mana ka sa mommy mo.”

But this is not about me. Or her dad. The truth is, she’s her own person. She is as unique as her name. She is amazing. I love you, naknik. You make me so proud, your dad and I are the happiest parents on earth. Not just because of this achievement of yours (at the end of the day, wala naman yan talaga sa school or sa honors but for what you have become). We love you because you are you. And because you are our daughter.

Thank you to everyone who liked Cae’s FB posts and photos, and those who sent their greetings via FB. Your kind words and warm thoughts are greatly appreciated.

~TheGoodGirl

Previous blogs on Cae: 

http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/graduation-rights_7544.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2014/03/one-in-million.html
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2013/07/college-collage.html

One in a million

What can you do with a million pesos?

Possible answers:

• Buy a property (house, condo unit or car).
• Spend it on a major event (e.g. wedding, debut).
• Travel.
• Pay off loans (or debts).
• Put up a business (or acquire a business franchise).
• Save or set the money aside.

For the last item, if you are a parent, you may want to add, “Use it as college fund.”

My daughter’s graduation on March 27, 2014 and a recent blog “Planning your Child's Education (EDUCATION PLANNING)” made me think about this and prompted me to compute our total investment on her college education.

True enough, one would need a million bucks for a college diploma nowadays. Tuition is not the only thing to worry about, as there are other “financial commitments.” On our part, Cae is an education plan baby (refer to my other blog entry). I am so proud of this investment of ours and it was a great help indeed. A special note to parents who have kids below 4 years old: Please consider having one. In these times, you are no longer limited to traditional education plans, as there are investment-linked insurance plans that provide funds for your child’s education. These products give you flexibility and allow you to save for several years of schooling depending on what you require (high school, college, or even post graduate degrees). And then there are also scholarship grants offered by private institutions or universities. Grab these opportunities while you can.  So you can scratch off (or a portion of) the first column ↓.

Below is the breakdown of our expenses for four years (click on table to enlarge image).  

Some items may not be applicable to everyone, as they are exclusive to a Travel Management course (e.g. local/international trips, events). Cae went to Cebu-Bohol and South Korea, and had a Manila tour guide exam. They had an events management subject where they had to stage an actual event and they were also required to attend events sponsored by the other classes. Even then, take note that some courses are more expensive (e.g. Multimedia Arts, Nursing, Dentistry, Architecture or Engineering).  My cousin had to purchase an expensive camera and other equipment for his daughter who is taking up Multimedia Arts. For those who have kids pursuing special interests or hobbies (culinary arts, sports, ballet, theater, and photography, among others) during their college years, you may have to shell out more.

Her thesis was about Malapascua Island so she and her groupmates had to go there personally.

Cae didn’t need so many books, but her French and German books were expensive. They also had journals and lots of photocopied materials.

Transportation expenses would also vary; some would have their personal vehicles (gasoline, toll fees, parking fees) while others would take PUVs or join a carpool. If you must, for your info/reference, driving lessons cost Php6,600 (10hrs) – 9,800 (15hrs) for sedan / manual.

Some universities have prescribed uniforms but you would still need to shop for clothes appropriate for school, right? PE uniforms and gears change every semester (1^st and 2^nd year), depending on the program taken (badminton, arnis, table tennis, etc). Cae’s South Korea trip was last February 2013, so we had to get her some winter clothes and accessories. For CTHM, pantyhose are a must to go with their uniform (cream blouse with special fabric exclusive only to UST, green scarf, dark blue vest, and dark blue skirt) – that’s an additional non-negotiable item plus make-up. For her OJT , they were required to wear a grey uniform.

Cae is not a “branded” girl, you can buy her any kind of shoes but for some reason, her feet seem to eat her shoes alive, on top of being a frequent flood victim (as a Thomasian) – so we have to buy (or have them repaired) every now and then.

Dormitory fees range from 12k to 15k for a room good for 4pax. Some would charge more to include meals, while kids who are “uwian” can take their lunch or dinner at home.  Since Cae lived in a dormitory for 3 years, we had to spend extra for utilities, postpaid plan, and occasional laundry.  I also included the purchase of mobile phones (all in all, she had four – 1 MyPhone, 2 Blackberry and a new one, Samsung Win). 

I excluded the medical/dental/optical expenses since these are charged anyway to another budget source and not to the education fund. But you may want to take note of them, too, for documentation purposes. I indicated these expenses (in red) in one column since in Cae’s case we had to purchase her Yamamoto brace (for her dextroscoliosis), her orthodontic retainers on her 2^nd and 4^th year, and her eyeglasses, plus the trips to the doctor/dentist/laboratories.  I also excluded food/groceries and toiletries purchased for Cae as these are also charged to another budget source.  When Cae was younger, she was a picky eater but when she experienced “dorm living”, she began to appreciate vegetables and simple viands (lutong-bahay). Her expenses for meals are placed under Allowance/Food/Leisure.

The figures are rounded up for easy computation, but more or less, you get the drift. I suddenly thought of my parents who sent 3 college students (my two older siblings and me) all at the same time. Remember, if your child opts for a state university, tuition would be less, of course. But if he/she goes to a more expensive university, then your million may not be sufficient and you need to prepare or save more. If you have insurance or an investment plan, expenses may be minimal.  

And yes it’s true, the reward that you will receive in return (pride, happiness) after four years (five or more to some) is PRICELESS. Every time I see my daughter’s grades and graduation photo, I can’t help but flash a million-dollar smile. So much for return on investment.

~TheGoodGirl