Thyroid Fever (Part 2)

Continuation of http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2016/11/thyroid-fever-part-1.html

Sometimes all you need is a splash of color. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

SURGERY.

Whoa. Dr. Lo said it wasn’t that super urgent (but it had to be done at least within 3 months for the lab results to be still valid), and after that, ibi-biopsy whatever was removed from me. The next steps will be determined after that, once they find out if it’s malignant or not. But after thyroidectomy, I will have to have hormone replacement therapy from then on. Doing my research, I later found out that the thyroids produce hormones that controls or regulates metabolism. So that’s why HRT is required. And that's why those with hyperthyroidism lose weight, and those with hypo gain weight. But good news though, Dr. Lo said that thyroid cancers are the kindest. They are manageable, cureable and are not deadly or death-dealing like the others. A thyroid cancer patient does not usually die from it. “10 years, 20 years, they live long enough,” he said.

So after that visit, I was preparing for surgery already. I will just have to fix my workload and finish pending projects so we can schedule it after Christmas. I already informed my boss, my co-department heads, our HR, and my staff. I already told the same to my children and household staff. I will be gone for two weeks or so. I would miss a lot of post-Christmas events. And it was sad to think that I would be welcoming the New Year in the hospital.

I consulted a radiologist-friend (Ate Bugs), showing her the u/s results. And she said, based on what she read, surgery might be the way to go. But when I discussed this with my pedia-kumare Dra. Joy, she was insistent. No, huwag muna mare, she said. She gave me the name of another endocrinologist at Asian Hospital whom her fellow pedia referred to her. “Magaling yan,” she said. Her secretary was able to talk to this doctor’s secretary and advised me to go to her clinic on Monday. I called up the secretary the following day (Saturday, during my son's school program) to confirm my appointment and she said, singit lang ako talaga because there’s already a list, and usually, patients were on a first come-first served basis. 

So off we went that Monday. If somebody told me I would be meeting or talking to more than five doctors within only one week, I would have told you you’re crazy. But it was what I was doing!

Turned out that my 2nd endo, Dr. Lantion-Ang, is the professor of my first endo at the UP-PGH. At first, I thought she was masungit. She had many questions about my health and my lifestyle and she was very thorough. Metikulosa kasi ako, she told us. I was about to show the ultrasound report to her but she didn’t want to see it until she was finished with her questions. And she hated that I was holding my cellphone. Too much radiation, she said.

She was surprised that Dr. Lo recommended surgery right away. She was trying to rule it out, because she said, “Surgery is still surgery.” And the only way to determine malignancy of my thyroid nodules is biopsy. She was upset over the ultrasound report/conclusion. “Tinakot ka pa,” she said. She asked me to see Dr. Abelardo of Manila Doctors for the fine needle aspiration biopsy (FNAB), and to come back to her with the results.

So here we are again, I told Alex. We were already decided to undergo surgery. But what if I shouldn’t have to? What were the odds? What would we lose? If the biopsy results were “malignant”, what would it mean - additional expense? Another validation of the earlier recommendation to remove the masses and my thyroid glands?

But what if the results are benign? We saved money, time, and of course, my body organ. But what did Dr. Lo say after still taking it out, even if it’s benign? He said that the masses may still grow and may obstruct some blood vessels, or my breathing or my voice. Naku, hindi pwede. Raket ko yun! I was scared – the results were beyond our control and we could only pray that it will be in my favor. But what do you do? When you hear biopsy, hindi ka ba matatakot? What if it’s goiter, like Mama? I would still need surgery.

In the end, I followed my heart. Deep inside all of us, we wanted a miracle. And what if that was it, the biopsy? I consulted our HR and yes, the procedure was covered under our hospitalization insurance. When I called before Undas, the lab staff said the pathologist was out of the country and will be back Nov. 2 onwards. Before my appointment, again, in the meantime, we were trying to lead normal lives, as if my condition was normal and I didn’t have health issues.

So, with another LOA, we went to Manila Doctors last Nov. 4, two weeks after. We waited for an hour and a half, then my name was called. Dr. Abelardo explained what she was going to do, and that it was just like a blood extraction procedure, taking around 10 seconds. Do not swallow during the time the needle is inside, she told me. She checked my neck and remarked that it seemed small, I assumed maybe she compared it to the size indicated on the ultrasound results. She asked if I was given meds and I said no. She said she might do the puncture twice if needed, but otherwise once would be enough for four smear slides. I closed my eyes when she asked me to swallow for the last time and then, the needle went in. I counted and it wasn’t even 10 seconds, maybe less. It was not painful but of course I was scared. After that, she asked me to hold that portion of my neck for 10 minutes. I was waiting for her to tell me she was going to do it again, but no, she said she didn’t need to, as she was able to get enough smears. Ok ka lang? Dr. Abelardo asked. I felt weak for a while. But that was all. We were to come back after an hour for the results.

In the meantime, we had lunch and coffee/tea afterwards. Then it was verdict time. Alex went to claim the results and  as he handed the envelope to me, I thought to myself: This is it, Lord. Please be with me. And there it was, in bold letters: Thyroid Bethesda System Category II – BENIGN.

I wanted to hug someone at that moment. Alex was just laughing at me. Of course, I couldn’t understand the other medical terms, but BENIGN all caps was enough to feel a quick win. I don’t have goiter. Because the report would have said so otherwise. I was holding back my relief and happiness until I see Dr. Lantion-Ang that following Monday. What if I don’t need surgery after all? What if we are able to save my thyroid glands after all? I updated my family and dearest friends and requested for more prayers. Please, Lord, let this be good news for all of us.

Monday came and this time, I would see Dr. Lantion-Ang on my own as Alex couldn’t make it. When I sat down, she noticed my neck right away. Lumiit ba yan, she asked. And I said that was the same thing Dr. Abelardo said. When she saw the cytology report, it was as if she knew it all the time. She explained that the thyroid nodules are common in adults, especially females, and that when T3 / T4 are produced, they serve as storage for such. But they are harmless. “I’m overruling Tom,” she said. Surgery is ruled out.

What if they grow big again, I asked. She asked me to monitor it and to go back to her if I feel there’s a problem. Otherwise, my next visit is after six months. Walang bawal! Walang meds! Praise God.

I told her, “Doc, wini-withhold ko po yung saya ko, hanggang makausap ko kayo. Pwede na po ba ako magsaya?” She was amused, “Oo, pwede na.”

And that was the moment when I experienced the realness, the existence of miracles. This doctor was the instrument. She was a blessing. And I couldn’t thank my kumareng Dra. Joy enough for the referral. Imagine if we just stopped at that, and we were just waiting for my surgery schedule. I would have lost my thyroids just like that, and be forever dependent on therapy. I was trying to recall what they said about the biopsy procedure. Sabi nila, surgery na lang than biopsy. Para isang sakit na lang. Para isang gastos na lang. But it turned out that the pain was not comparable to actual surgery after all, and of course it was not really that expensive. What if we didn’t go to Dr. Lantion-Ang? What if. What if.

All the heartaches and hurts in the past 3 weeks have been replaced by happiness and humility. During those dreadful weeks, I always felt tired. I felt so ugly. And miserable. I got sick. I had these two huge zits on my face. Pangit na pangit ako sa sarili ko, and it affected my self-confidence. My period was late. And life seemed...unfair.

My consolation then when I was down and out were my children, and the love that surrounds me, amid my beautiful colorful Christmas trees and decors. The ugly scars left by the (bwi)zits will be constant reminders of the ordeal that I went through, and that you can't have a rainbow without a little rain.

My takeaway from all these: Enjoy life. Tell people dear to you that you love them - you may not have the time to do so one day. Always take care of yourself. Take it easy. Yes, sometimes do take the time to smell the flowers. It's not always about your job or work. Go take those annual physical check-ups, don’t take them for granted. Don’t be embarrassed to tell people about your plight. Who knows, the best help is just out there and you might never get it if you don’t ask around. What if I didn’t tell my kumare about it right away? I wouldn't have gone to another doctor. Seek 2^nd, 3^rd or even 4^th opinion. So what if they cost you an arm and leg? The peace of mind it will bring you is simply priceless. The enlightenment. The joy. The bliss of knowing you are ok. That God loves you no matter what. That prayers indeed work. That miracles happen. 

Thank you to my family, friends and loved ones who included me in their prayers when I asked for it. And even if I didn’t ask for it. You know who you are. Deeply appreciated and I will forever be grateful. I would do the same for you. Of course, this may not be the end. I will still go to Dr. Lantion-Ang regularly. But I will continue to hope and pray that I will stay long enough in this world for my children who need me the most. Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things, and good things never die.

My two CAEs

God loves us - even if we don't always deserve it. God bless us all.

~TheGoodGirl

Thyroid Fever (Part 1)

“Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered and your time is short.“
- Doctor Strange (2016)

Now it can be told (better yet, written).

My post-biopsy procedure selfie

Last October 12, I had my regular annual physical check-up. For me, since I undergo APE every year, it was a routinary activity, just like in the past years.  Imagine my surprise when during the physical exam, our company doctor asked me to swallow a lot of times as she palpated my neck. She said she would see a movement in the left side of my neck each time I swallow. I wasn’t really paying attention because I wasn’t feeling anything, and I wasn’t alarmed – yet. She wanted me to have a neck and thyroid ultrasound and she also asked if she didn’t advise me about it the previous year. I said no, because otherwise I would remember it, and I would have heeded her advice.

So after getting my LOA from our HR (thank you, Fred for all the assistance), I spent the day
going to Asian Hospital to have that ultrasound and sadly yes, I took a VL (which I rarely do), missed our event at the office, and instead of resting and spending it with my son who just turned 11, it was spent somewhere else.

While the radiology staff was doing the procedure, she asked me, “Ma’am, wala kayong nakakapa?” I said, none. Two things were going inside my head at that time. Why did she ask that? One, she wasn’t seeing anything and it might help if I would tell her kung meron nga ako nakakapa, and kung saan, para dun sya magfocus. Or two, she’s indeed seeing something but was wondering why I wasn’t. Dear Lord, that was when I started to freak out. I couldn’t understand what was being shown on the screen, and what she was measuring. What if I indeed have a mass on my neck? What will happen and what does it mean? I felt so alone then, and scared out of my wits.

After an hour and a half, I went back to the radiology center to get the results. I sat down and braced myself. Reading the report, heavens fell as soon as I saw this:

Cystic, complex and solid thyroid masses. Complex mass in the left lower pole is worrisome for malignancy. Biopsy is suggested.

I felt more alone than ever. I started to text and send viber messages to my husband, siblings, and close friends. I was crying in the waiting lounge and I just wanted to stay there until God knows when.

I went back to the office to show the report to our company doctor. She consulted our Medical Director, who advised me to see a neck surgeon in Makati Med. She said surgery was the better option than biopsy. (To) surgically remove the masses because they might not be able to get sufficient smears for the latter. “Tanggalin na, yun na ang ipa-biopsy. Para isang procedure na lang if they turn out to be malignant.”

I felt it was too drastic as an option, surgery agad? Wala bang iba muna? I asked for other options and they asked me to see an endocrinologist. Which I said I would.

I didn’t realize it was difficult to see one at need. Each endo seems to be “by appointment only”. Available slots were already in November at that time, and I felt they were already too late. Parang ang dami nang pwedeng mangyari between then and the available dates, at wala pa kong kamalay-malay sa totoong condition ko.

Ms. Joh, a colleague, referred me to her co-parent who is an endo at Asian. I said I would check her out and call her clinic for appointment. In the meantime, I was looking for other doctors in a hospital near us. I found one who accommodates patients on a “first come, first served” basis, and has a Saturday clinic. When we came to see her, it was only then when we realized that doctors under the “Department of Endocrinology” were not necessarily endocrinologists. She was a diabetologist. But she checked my sonogram results and asked me to have additional blood tests – FT3, FT4, and TSH (thyroid function tests). She referred me to an endo also from the same hospital and she said those tests were the same ones he will ask me to have.

I was thinking if the blood tests were covered under our hospitalization insurance. But my husband decided that regardless if they were covered or not, the waiting period was too long, we might as well proceed that Saturday. Results were to be available after two days, the lab staff said the earliest was Monday. We managed somehow to suspend fears and other possible related emotions, and made it through that weekend. I wasn't telling my kids yet about it because I did not have anything concrete to tell them anyway. In the meantime, I tried to follow the diabetologist’s advice to avoid food giving me bad cholesterol, like fried stuff (eggs once a week only), and soya (there goes my weekly taho supply), dairy (milk, cheese), gata and the like. I tried to take it easy on myself, waking up later than the usual, and rest whenever I felt like it. My husband also brought up alternative medicine, which was recommended by a former officemate of his. We'll see, I said.

To the uninitiated like us, like me, the word “malignancy” is enough to kill you. If the cyst or mass or nodules are not malignant, the fear caused by it itself is enough to knock you dead. Believe me. The thought that something inside you is a killer would kill you. The thought that your days might be numbered. The thought that you might die. My God, I was praying. My children need me. Don’t let me die just yet. You may find this dramatic, but it’s true.  In the movie Doctor Strange, the Ancient One said, “No one is ever ready. We don't get to choose our time.”

“Death is what gives life meaning. To know your days are numbered and your time is short.“

To be reminded of your mortality, and that life is too short, time is not enough for the things you want to do and achieve, to be with the people you love.

Why thyroid? I was asking myself. All my life, I thought I was ok. I just had a most wonderful 45th birthday. How can I be sick? What a cruel joke. If there’s one thing that we dealt with, it’s myoma for my sisters, and hormonal imbalance. And kidney problems. Bladder stones. My daughter has scoliosis, Caehl has strabismus or lazy eye. But wait, my mom had goiter when she was younger. Eto pa yata ang magiging problema ko, I feared.

Alex came home with the thyroid function test results Monday evening, and reading them, I was again wondering, my FT3, FT4 and TSH were within normal range. So what was wrong with me then? By Wednesday, we went to the endocrinologist. I don’t have hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism. Seeing the ultrasound results and again, after palpating my neck, the verdict was: surgery. And it wasn’t just to remove the masses on the left, but also the ones on the right, and…tada! Thyroidectomy or removal of my entire thyroid glands.

To be continued...
http://therealgoodgirl.blogspot.com/2016/11/thyroid-fever-part-2.html

Repost: And baby makes four!

REPOST FROM MY OLD JOURNAL http://pamski71.bravejournal.com/entry/15105

Happy 11th Birthday, my cutest boom!

~~~~

Is it already a week ago?

Last Thursday, October 13, at 11:19am, CAEHL ANDRE EUAN completed my family and my life. Caehl is quite big at 7.7lbs (3.5kgs) and 52 cms. He arrived earlier than we expected (his due date is actually Oct. 23) but I knew it was different when I had a brown discharge evening of Oct. 12. The night before, I think I was already having early labor pains. I hardly slept that night, in fact. I was in a bad mood after receiving a call from a father of one of Cae's classmates who accused my daughter of writing on his uniform. I didn't know the full story so I wasn't able to defend Cae, and I felt bad about it. I just told the father that I would replace the polo with a new one - end of the story.

Anyway, when I saw the discharge, I already alerted Alex and my sister Pinky. I said it might be a false alarm but I'm on my toes just in case. I managed to survive another 4 hours of pain, I could have managed more but I suddenly thought, what if it's already time and Alex is already in the office? At half past 12mn, I told my husband the pain wouldn't stop anymore. He suggested going to the doctor to have myself checked and then we'll just go home if it's not yet time. Ok, I said. We went to the bank first to get money and off we went to the ER. I was only 1cm dilated but the ER doctor said I had to stay because my cervix was already thin. I thought I was dreaming, Alex was asking, "Mommy, di na ba false alarm? Di na tayo papauwiin?" I even walked my way to my room at the 2nd floor and to the delivery room, can you beat that?

At the labor room, the clock ticked away oh-so slowly...2am, 3am, 4am...the pain was unbearable. 5am, 6am, 7am...two baby girls were delivered before Caehl. I could hear my OB-Gyne in the next room. I would doze off every now and then but would wake up each time the contractions came. I could still converse with the nurses, though. Then my OB said I was already 7-8 cms. I'll be sedated, she said, and she'll give something for the pain. But I don't think they ever did because the pain was everywhere. Two nurses were assisting my doctor and I could hardly understand what they're trying to tell me. They were all speaking at the same time and I didn't know whom to follow or to listen to. It was hard to push. When they said the baby was coming, all I could do was sob the pain away…All I wanted was to sleep, I didn’t even see Caehl coming out. I just…fell asleep! 

And the rest, as they say, is still making history…

#HappyAt45 (Birthday Blog)

September is coming to a close. In fact, today is the last day of my birth month. Like Christmas, it’s the most wonderful time of the year for me. My wishes are always granted and I get to spend it with people I love the most who make me feel special and appreciated.  And it’s not every day that I get to turn 45. 45 is a good number, in fact it is a great number. And I am happy and grateful for reaching this age.  To the millennials and Gen Z, I may seem old but hey, age is truly just a number. I can still give some younger women a run for their money.

Doors close and open, people come and go. And if one particular door hadn’t closed on me, I wouldn’t have known that I could be happier, I wouldn’t have known this kind of happiness, contentment and fulfillment.  I was looking the other way, when it was just right there all along.

Thank You Lord for all the blessings, even if I know I don’t deserve them all. Thank You for my family, friends, and loved ones. Thank You for all the love surrounding me. Thank You for sending people in my life who make me keep the faith that there’s still a lot of good in this world.

~

TheGoodGirl

Finding The One

Neo: What is happening to me?

Morpheus: You are the One, Neo. You see, you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I have spent my entire life looking for you. 
The Matrix (1999)
~~~

In an ordinary place, one can find the one person to make his life extraordinary.

I can’t recall which movie this tagline came from, but is it really difficult to find the one for you? And for the lucky ones who have found their partners in life, how was it? Was it easy for you? And how long did it take for you to find the one?

No offense meant to my colleagues, but it’s a running joke (half-meant, half-not) among us girls that in our workplace, it seems there is a dearth of prospects if you’re looking for a boyfriend. Wala kang mahahanap. And if there would be papa-bles or crushables, most of them are already taken. Abi, a dear friend, said she hoped to meet "him" when she went to graduate school kasi nga walang mahanap sa office LOL.

But where do you really go, or what do you really do in search for Mr. (or Ms.) Right. Do you look for him (her), or are you preparing or paving the way to be found? Are you just waiting to be found?

Most people find their partners in school or in the office. Sometimes, you don’t realize that The One is just there all along. Sometimes you  have to get out there to meet a lot of people. There’s really no single rule for everybody.  Maybe you’ve known each other for quite some time but the sparks came a little bit later. Or maybe you felt the chemistry as soon as you met each other. Either way, finding someone you like is one thing. And finding someone to whom you would invest your feelings, time and effort is another. Some people prefer the fast lane, falling in love in a flash; while others would prefer taking their time, wait a bit, taking it slow. Sometimes, you find The One when you are not looking. Finding a person you can be happy with (or who will be happy with you) is a challenge – one who will feel the same way you do, one who will spend time with you, accept you, and understand you. Sometimes your partner comes into your life unexpectedly and for no apparent reason. Sometimes, the stranger beside you would turn out to be the most important person in your life. Or perhaps, he’s always been a friend and you never knew he would be more than that in the end.

As a song goes, there are 8 billion people in this world, but there’s only one you will ever need.

~TheGoodGirl

See related blog A Face in The Crowd

When Life Gives You Lemons

Pain is real.

Have you ever gone to office or school nursing something and you don’t know if you can get through the day? Something has upset you or hurt you, you have a problem, you had a fight with someone, you’re not feeling well, in short, meron kang pinagdadaanan. But you just have to work, or attend your class just the same. No excuses. Isn’t this challenging? You don’t want people to notice. You just want to keep silent but you can’t help but talk to them anyway. Isn’t this the pits? You wish that the hours will fly, so you could go. You just want the day to end.

It’s hard to put up a brave front, to put up a show that you’re ok, when deep inside you are not. You cannot tell your boss that you can’t work or your mind’s not working and you can’t focus. It’s hard to pretend that you’re your usual self. That everything is ok. You can’t even pause for a while and cry or mourn. Or when you just can’t control your emotions, isn’t it awkward when they hear you bawl or sniff?

Sometimes, we are given a bitter pill to swallow. Or sour ones. When life gives you lemons, and things don’t happen the way you hoped or how you planned it to be, how do you survive? What do you do when things are not going right for you? And how do you pick up the pieces?

Give yourself a break. Coach Tim Cone (PBA's most accomplished coach) said, quoting Stephen Covey, in our midyear conference, “After losses, pull back. After wins, push hard.” It’s ok to lose sometimes, don’t be too hard on yourself. And it’s ok to fail. Sometimes, we fail to live up to expectations. But wala naman nagsasabing dapat perfect tayo all the time.

Keep your sense of humor. This has always enabled me to survive and kept me going. Focus on the good and find joy in the moment even if it’s damn difficult, even if it’s a great effort to keep your spirits up during these times. Ito ang pinakamahirap gawin. We all know that somehow, we will heal and we will bounce back. “This, too, shall pass.” And well-meaning friends will tell us the same thing, “Kaya mo yan.” Pero yung “at the moment” or yung “in the meantime”, yung proseso that you have to go through, that’s the hard part.  

In everything you do, put your 100%, give it your best shot - even if there’s no guarantee that you will be happy and successful, that you will win. Even if they say walang forever.  In the end, at least you would say you gave it your all. And you will not say you regret the chances you did not take.  

Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won’t last forever. Remember: tough times don’t last, but tough people do.

~TheGoodGirl

Brow-tiful

Because I promised to update you on my brow-tiful (eyebrow embroidery) experience…

I had my retouch session with Tin Lucas / Eyebrow Embroidery Manila last June 12. Yes, Independence Day at that! Seeing Tin again is like meeting up with an old friend. She inspected my brows, and drew points and lines where she said she will improve on, fix and fill in any areas needing correction or modification. I asked if she can extend or darken a bit the ‘begin brow’ of my left brow and she asked me to draw it so she can see what I meant. And this time I was prepared, I brought my contact lens kit so I can remove my contacts before the procedure, to allow my eyes to rest as they’d be closed most of the time. Waited 45 minutes to allow the numbing ointment to take effect, then the browjob began.

It was still a painless procedure, but you can feel the strokes of the needle as it mimics the direction of my real brow hair. I don’t know if it’s because it was the second time already, but I felt it was shorter, faster this time. She handed me the mirror to ask if she was able to do what I wanted with my begin brow, and yes, it was ok. Wow, this time, I saw blood on my brows (during the first time, I didn’t) but it wasn’t scary, don't be alarmed. My brows were swollen when I was putting on my contacts. “Talaga bang ganyan ka-red?” I asked Tin. I was worried I looked awful because I was going to the mall afterwards. I kept on asking Alex if I looked alright. And he said I looked fine.

This is me after the procedure, and having lunch in SM SouthMall (click on each photo for a closer look):

Again, I was not to wet my eyebrows for at least 24 hours. I was advised to use the A&D ointment until they are healed. Just after a week, they are ok and I was surprised that it took me just about a week for healing. I showed them to my husband, “Parang ang bilis gumaling this time,” I said. “Baka hindi na masyadong nasugatan, unlike the first,” he said, but he asked me to ask Tin if that was normal to be sure. Tin said, healing varies from person to person. “Iba-iba,” she said. I also said I was just worried that I did something wrong, or I wasn’t following instructions right. Maybe it’s because of my regular Vitamin C and E intake. Whatever.

My brows after a day:

After two days:

After six days:

All I need is lipstick and these beautiful brows :)

After a week (just after taking a shower):

After almost 2 weeks:

Two weeks after:

I am really happy with this experience. And for entering the wonderful world of eyebrow embroidery. I didn’t realize that this could change my life. Well, it sounds dramatic, but for someone who does her brows every day, this is just amazing. My only objective and all I ever wanted was to have brows right after waking up, or taking a bath/shower, or washing my face. And it was achieved.

In our President's birthday luncheon, Rico, a good friend and one of the bosses, said he has long wanted to visit me. Why, I asked. "Para makita yang kilay mo."

The clincher was when Bong, a male colleague, after a meeting, told me, "Pam, I can say now that I have finally seen the famous eyebrows. At last I have seen them in person. And it's true, ang ganda nga." That cracked me up. 

After the meeting

I still use my L'Oreal Brow Artist, though, to further enhance them. I even bought a new brow tool from Etude. I guess, old habits die hard. But to use a stencil or to take minutes just to shape them, then erase if I don’t like them, nah! No more of that. No more smudging, smearing or fading after swimming, jogging, sweating, working out.  My brows look natural and subtle, and I just love them. I love the days when I am make-up free and all I need is a lipstick and I’m ready to go.

It’s only semi-permanent so my brows will be with me for two years. And after that, I might need a retouch. I’ll save up for that again. Until then, they make me look great! And I feel great, too.

If you are interested in having permanent make-up, 3D brows, eyebrow embroidery, eyebrow tattoo, feathering, stranding (however you call it), make sure you do your research thoroughly – choosing the tattoo expert, or artist/cosmetic technician, procedures, cost, advantages and disadvantages. Consider most importantly yourself and your readiness – are you afraid of needles? of blood? How’s your pain tolerance? Is your skin sensitive? Don’t be afraid. Don’t be shy to ask around. Every day I see more and more eyebrow artists emerging, check out Facebook so you can compare. Permanent make-up is like a normal thing nowadays, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Bottom line is, you’re doing it for yourself. It’s perfectly alright to look good and feel good. And that’s something that cannot be taken away from you.

For my previous blog entries on my browjob, please visit:

Browmance Part 1 

BrowJob Part 2 

BrowJob Part 3 

You can also get to know Tin Lucas at

Make Up by Kristine http://www.makeupbykristine.com/

Kristine's Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/kristinelucasmakeupartist/

~TheGoodGirl

Friendship Over

“Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.” – Edna Buchanan

What is it about the number seven and relationships? There’s the so-called seven-year itch for marriages. And psychologists say that if a friendship lasts longer than 7 years, it will last a lifetime.

How true is this? Is there an expiration date for friendships? Is there a shelf life for relationships?

Have you ever had an experience wherein you were the best, the closest of friends. You were inseparable. You were together all the time, exchanging secrets, tears, laughter. Then all of a sudden, it was as if you were strangers. Gone were those days when you would get together as often as you can. Now, you’re just civil to each other, perhaps keeping in touch online, asking about each other’s family. Or maybe not, and perhaps wondering if the other remembers how close you were, how crazy you were together.

Or maybe you had a barkada or group of friends whom to you was the world then. But somehow, you drifted apart. Or circumstances led you to separate worlds. Maybe you still kept in touch, reminiscing the good old days. But you found new friends along the way. And the closeness is not there anymore, and even if there’s a chance to meet up, you are no longer interested. Or you are no longer invited. And they are just, well, a memory. And all that's left are shared memories from the past.

It seems ideal. That true friends stay forever, beyond words, distance and time. Most friendships do stay forever, some friendships evolve and change, while others grow stronger as years pass. Despite experiencing heartbreaks, disappointments and mistakes together. Yung sinasabing magkakadikit ang bituka. Lucky you if you have a BFF. There’s a premise that for strong friendships, friends need not see or talk to each other every day. If the relationship lives in the heart, it will survive even without daily conversations or togetherness. It is not about being inseparable, but about being separated and knowing nothing will change. And even if you have not seen each other for quite some time, when you do get together, it’s as if nothing happened, nothing changed.

But even long-term friendships end. Yes they do and they can. Growing up. Having different interests. Conflicting values, beliefs. Some friendships last only for a season.  Or has run its course. Some relationships are not meant to last. Sometimes it happens without a warning. Or reason.  And you wonder what happened. Or where it went. No one, I guess, wants to end a friendship. Some friendships end quietly and slowly on its own, as some people just walk away or cut off contact. Maybe you would even prefer having an argument or a fight, and know the reason why your relationship failed, than sit and speculate forever.

I rarely write about sad things. And as much as possible, I only want to write about good things. But recent happenings in my life opened my eyes to this realization. Some people whom I thought were friends are like strangers to me now. Maybe I have my faults, maybe I have my shortcomings. Maybe changes, circumstances and the passing years took its toll on us. Maybe ours is the kind of friendship that needs nurturing, unlike other friendships which don't have to be watched like a pot or attended to all the time. But to me, they will always be friends - even if they don't consider me one anymore, as my definition of being a friend is different from theirs. Breaking up with a friend or with friends is like breaking up with a partner. It’s not easy. But friendship demise happens and when it does, you mourn but you recover, and you just accept and embrace the change, welcome new people in your life, get ready for new friendships and relationships. Be grateful for what it was, what the friendship did to you / for you, for having known them, and for being a  part of their lives in one way or another, and thank God for the lessons learned. And yes, be grateful for and appreciate those who stayed.

~TheGoodGirl

Love is lovelier

“I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.”

― Pablo Neruda, 100 Love Sonnets

Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Your second or third time? How about your last?

It does not matter how many times you have fallen in love, or if it’s your first, your second, or your last, because it’s never the same. And in each time, every time you get another chance at it, the premise is it should get better, and it should feel better. It should be sweeter. And lovelier.

The assumption of course, is that falling in love each time should be a richer and more fulfilling experience, as you learn from your past mistakes and you become a better person. The next time or the second time around shouldn’t be the same as you are not the same person anymore. Some of your ways or points of view may have changed because your experience may have changed the way you give and receive love. Yet, even so, it doesn’t guarantee that it will last, or that it will be your last. You can still fail, you can still lose. But it doesn’t stop you and it shouldn’t stop you from loving again, from trying again.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, or in what state you are in – whether you are single, married, separated, widowed, your feelings are valid and will always be valid. Falling in love and being in love is still one of the best feelings and experiences in the world. And it doesn’t matter if it hurts or if it makes you cry, it makes you feel things you have never felt before. And it makes you do things you haven’t done before. It makes you happy, yet it’s the same thing that makes you sad. It causes pain, yet it takes pains away. It makes you stronger, yet it is also your weakness. Falling in love may catch us unprepared, but staying in love and keeping meaningful relationships don’t just happen. It is by choice. We choose to love, to change and to improve ourselves and our relationships, and to be happy.

American psychologist Robert Sternberg (known for his triangular theory of love) once said, “Without expression even the greatest of loves can die.” That being said, open your heart, don’t be afraid to love and to express that love fully, because it’s the only way to love. 

~TheGoodGirl

BrowJob (Part 3)

To those asking for updates, 3 weeks have passed since my eyebrow embroidery from Eyebrow Embroidery Manila / Kristine Lucas. 

My eyebrows are now on their fourth week. They’re all dry now, scabs have all fallen off, and the colors have resurfaced, they’re no longer light. I can put on brow liner and powder if I want to. Down side? None yet. Although I cannot and will not be able to use facial products with lightening ingredients on my eyebrows. Up side? Well, I can really say, I woke up like this! And after taking a shower, wow, they look great. My prep time in the mornings has been reduced. I don’t touch it anymore except with an eyebrow spoolie. The “hairs” look natural to me. It’s as if my eyebrows have just been made up. I like the shape. When we went on a family outing a week ago, I was advised by Tin not to make “babad” in the water. It’s ok if some pool water gets on them but not too much, since they were still fresh. 

I like it when people stop to ask if they can take a look, and I don’t mind them asking me questions. In fact, I encourage them to ask me and I like it when people are interested to know more about it. I love my eyebrow embroidery experience. No regrets.

Ayan sya on my 1st week

On my 1st week

A week after

98% of the scabs have fallen off. Some areas are lighter, may look weird to some people. Colors will fade up to 60% and will resurface  in about 2 weeks

Ang light niya

Work in progress, two weeks

Two weeks after. Tin said I could put on brow make up if I wanted to

Three weeks

This is me. This is real. I love my brows!

My next session (retouch) with Tin is on June 11.  I will keep you posted.

Till then, you may check out Kristine Lucas’ portfolio:
Make Up by Kristine

Kristine's Facebook page
and my past two blog entries
Browmance Part 1
BrowJob Part 2

~TheGoodGirl 

Making peace with the past (Find the good and embrace the lessons)

“When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.”

I realized that a year ago, there were things happening in my life all at once. Some doors were closing, while new ones are opening. People were leaving, and some were just arriving. Decisions were being made, and some actions were being regretted. At that time, I was clueless on what would happen from then on. I didn’t know the implications or the consequences of those decisions and actions.

They said when you let go of things that don’t belong in your life, you make room for the ones that do, and you create space for something better. But during that time, I didn’t know that. My only thought was I was losing something. I was trying to hold on, but I didn’t know that letting go was the only way and the best way to go. I was chasing the wrong things. I didn’t know that something else, something better was in store for me. That greater things were bound to happen. That I would be happier.

Afterwards, when I was starting to realize that, I kept on thanking Him, amazed at how mysterious His ways really are. I kept on apologizing for not trusting Him, and for doubting His love for me. He was not answering my prayers. But in truth, He was indeed answering my prayers by saying ‘no’, by not giving in. He didn’t give me what I want, because it was not for me, and it was not best for me. I was about to receive more, to be blessed with more than I deserved.

Indeed, everything that happens in our life has a reason. Whatever it is, and whether we have already realized its purpose or not, let us always find the good (in it) and embrace the lessons. Learn from our mistakes, forgive ourselves for our failures and for the wrong things we’ve done, move forward, and accept that some things are not meant for us, and some things are not meant to be. Make peace with the past, make peace with yourself, and make peace with the people whom you have hurt or who might have hurt you. Give thanks. And be open to changes. God’s plans are always bigger than ours. We just have to let go, and leave it to Him.

~TheGoodGirl

BrowJob (Part 2)

So it’s now or never. Location, rate and client satisfaction considered, I finally chose Kristine Lucas / Eyebrow Embroidery Manila for my most awaited eyebrow embroidery experience. I wanted to meet her last April 16, but there was no slot available anymore, so we settled on April 23, 6pm.

I would go over Tin’s Facebook page again and again to look at her past clients and their before&after photos. A plus factor is her being a make-up artist. A MUA should know eyebrows too well, as brows would really make or unbreak one’s made up face. You may wish to take a look at her portfolio:
http://www.makeupbykristine.com/ 
http://www.facebook.com/kristinelucasmakeupartist/

I was also worried on how my brows would look after the procedure. Magsi-sick leave ba ako pag ayan na ang downtime?

And so the day has come.

My brows were still made up when I arrived. Tin said they looked really thin (pardon the pun), she asked me if I wanted shading. I was hesitant. But when she took off the make-up, she said the hairs naman pala look ok, so there’s no need. 3D or 3HD would do. After drawing mock brows as her guide, and asking me if I am ok with that, the browjob began.

Topical anesthesia was applied and we waited for 45 minutes for it to take effect. My husband was there all along. Tin showed me the needle that she would use on me. It was actually painless. If you are afraid of needles, or if you think it would hurt, believe me, it won’t. Well, it helped that I am a person whose pain tolerance is so high that I fall asleep during Brazilian wax. As I told Tin, mas nafeel ko pa yung Brazilian laser hair removal than this. You can just feel the needle strokes, but they don’t hurt. The procedure went for an hour. Then Tin said I could take a look in the mirror. The shade that she used on me was “mudpie.” She applied cream on them for healing as last step. Ta-dah!

Going home, I felt like I have a wound (as the anesthesia wore off) but you could tell that I am pleased with my brows. I can’t wait until they are completely healed. After-care tips include not wetting it for 24 hours, applying the healing cream 3 x a day (dabs or pats only, no wiping, swabbing, scrubbing), and no swimming / gym in the meantime. And while it’s healing, I can’t put anything on it.

According to Tin: "The eyebrows will seem very dark as the ink is left on the skin but will be washed away by scabbing and peeling of the top layer of the skin.”

“When the skin peels off, it will seem like a lot of the color is gone, but it will resurface in another 2 or 3 weeks. After which, the color should be about 60% of the color of the 1st day of procedure.”

“Retouch, to correct areas that were not filled and add more color will be done 60 days after to achieve the best result.”

This is me, this is real, pre-appointment:

Brow shaping before the procedure:

During:

Freshly done:

My after-procedure look:

The morning after (yes, I woke up like this!):

Two days after:

Well, I have to park my brow tools for now. I am going to enjoy my new brows for the next 24 months :)

For additional information, please visit https://eyebrowembroiderymanila.com/2015/07/06/what-is-the-difference-between-3d-eyebrow-embroidery-strand-embroidery-and-shading-embroidery/

If you are interested in eyebrow embroidery, please let me know. Or feel free to ask me questions. I am more than happy to share this browjob experience.

~TheGoodGirl

Browmance (Part 1)

Back when they were still “virgin brows,” they were neither thick nor sparse. They were in fact just right. But when I started to pluck them 10 or 12 years ago, and do them every day with eyebrow pencils, that’s when the hairs started to become thin.

And yes, I have to do my brows every single day. Except for gel brow liners, I have tried a lot of brow liner and powder brands. So far, my favorite is L’Oreal’s Brow Artist Designer Pro in dark brown. It’s a 3-in-1 tool – you have a retractable pencil, powder, and brush. I don’t buy expensive tools though. I am contented with a Nichido brow brush. I also have brow stencil kits. I can go out without face powder or lipstick, but not without my brows. Without them, I look older, and I look like there’s something missing from my face. Doing them every day is ok, I don’t mind, but sometimes they would smudge, and when I have to wash my face, I have to do them all over again. Minor lang naman but what if you go swimming, or running, pag nabasa na face mo, or you get sweaty, baka kumalat. Unless you wear the waterproof kind.

Tools of the trade

Every time a make-up artist would do my face, I would have to explain what happened to my brows.

“Bakit manipis?”

“Ewan ko ba, paggising ko, ganyan na eh.”

Sometimes I like what they’ve done to my brows, sometimes not really. My favorite so far is Raymond Isais’ soft take on my brows (my look last December 2015 Christmas Party, please refer to my blog profile pic). Follow him at IG @raymondisais

That is why when I heard of eyebrow embroidery, my curiosity was piqued. In one of the groupon sites, I saw a promo in a salon in Makati. I thought, what if I try it? When I was in Bangkok last year, there was a stall inside a mall that offers 3D brows, and I think one or two of my agent-companions tried the service. True enough, the following day, they had eyebrows like forever, as if they have been there all along. They were lovely but they looked so made up.

I have also read of horror stories, wherein clients didn’t like the finished product. The brows look dark on them, masakit, hindi maganda ang shape, etc.  I would also remember some celebrities who had them, and the brows looked so unnatural. Halatang ginawa. I heard of Pretty Looks, but I thought it was too expensive. Think of Ellen Adarna. Lakas maka-ganda. Watching the video, I said to myself, mukhang kaya ko naman. Mukhang hindi naman masakit. Paano kaya ang after-care nito? Every day, I would type “eyebrows” in the Facebook search bar, hoping to see other people who are offering the same service, and I would check out their pages, the “after” photos look so good, and I would be inspired all the more. I-push ko ba ito? There are rates as low as 3k. But the price is too good to be true.

Finally, my choices were narrowed down into two. One Sunday, I sent personal messages to Strokes by Momoi Supe, and to Eyebrow Embroidery Manila. The rates were from Php10,000 to 14,000. Pwede na. Medyo affordable na compared to the Php20-25k+ rates of other artists/salons. But you would have to schedule an appointment as the slots are limited, especially for me who could only go during weekends. I also inquired about the downtime. I couldn’t imagine going to the office looking like someone who had a cosmetic surgery. Yung warts removal nga, ayokong patulan, because of the tuldok-tuldok marks after.

So these are the eyebrow embroidery details I got from them:

https://www.facebook.com/strokesbymomoisupe/

• It is a semi-permanent tattoo that can last up to 2 years. The procedure costs 14,000 - Master ES (Momoi Supe) and 10,000 - Senior ES (Keighty Wong).
• They only accept cash payments for now. It is inclusive of retouch after 6 weeks. It will take 1.5 hours to do the procedure.
• 15mins. - Eyebrow Shaping, 30mins. - Topical Anesthesia Curing and 45mins. - EE Procedure
• A topical anesthesia is applied before and during the procedure to lessen or totally eliminate pain.
• They have only 1 branch and strictly by appointment only.
• There is peeling afterwards 1-2 weeks, darkening 2-3 days before scabs/peel off then lighten.

https://www.facebook.com/eyebrowembroiderymanila/?pnref=story

• They have an ongoing 30% discount on eyebrows. The original rate for 3HD is 12k,  this is the strand type, very natural. After discount, it will be 8,400 only.
• 6HD is 15k, it’s the more bushy look with varying hair length and shades. Shading is 8k, similar to old tattoo style but more natural in color. They also have 30% discount on 6HD & shading eyebrow services for April.
• Lip tint is 6k and eyeliner is 4k.
• Kristine Lucas is a Singapore & U.S. certified girl makeup artist for 8 years.
• The eyebrows will look dark for about 3 days and then it will peel for another 4 days, so total of 1 week downtime

Php8,400 to 10k – not bad, I thought. I would just have to make a choice as to when and where. I asked my husband to accompany me if and when I do decide to undergo this thing called eyebrow embroidery.

Stay tuned for BrowJob (Part 2).

~TheGoodGirl